Don’t you love ruddy-faced guys who stand around parties holding a stein of beer and when asked if the beer they’re drinking negates the fitness program they publicly resolved to embark upon the previous New Year’s Eve, they claim that, after careful research, they decided to make beer a part of their rigorous nutritional regiment? Having no previous interest in science, these beer guzzlers suddenly wear the hat of a microbiologist as they discuss the therapeutic health benefits of “moderate” beer drinking. Regardless of the fact that the copious amount of beer they’re gulping contradicts their use of the word “moderate,” they will lecture to everyone in hearing distance about beer’s concentration of brewer’s yeast, which affords beer an abundance of trace minerals of such magnitude that beer is ten times greater in nutritional value than wheat germ. These same beer mongers will elucidate on beer’s high levels of B vitamins, antioxidants, and phytochemicals, the latter which they point out help reduce heart and circulatory disease by reducing serum cholesterol. If you’re still not sold on their beer drinking, they will remind you that beer can only be brewed with the “purest water possible” and as such is an excellent hydrating agent.
But, wait, there’s more. They will then reveal to you that the Europeans have known for hundreds of years that beer is the ultimate digestive aid and that Europeans will end a heavy dinner with a tall glass of cold beer in order to soothe the digestive process.
What’s sad is that as you listen to this beer lover pontificate on beer’s miraculous health benefits, you realize that if he applied his scientific acumen to things other than beer, he might not be, in his late thirties, still stuck selling lawn supplies at the home improvement store while living in a cramped apartment nestled between two fast-food eateries. You try to encourage him to go back to college but sadly discover that the beer guzzler’s interests are somewhat narrow and, sadder still, unmarketable so that your next meeting with him will be at his place of work where you will ask him what types of mulch and sod are suitable for your garden.