Contrasting the Bro and the Metrosexual

Introduction: 

As the readers' intelligent comments clarify, what's being ridiculed is not whether a man is a Bro or a metrosexual. What's being mocked is affectation: The more one affects or contrives a pose, the more one conforms to stereotype. The more authentic one is, the more complex, and complexity defies stereotype. 

The 12 Qualities of the Bro (also called the Dude)

 

1. He is self-conscious about people ranking him high on the Heterosexual Scale. He does this by amassing Man Points.
2. The less meticulous his fashion style, the more Man Points he receives.
3. His definition of masculinity is narrowly focused on feats of strength, athleticism, toughness, and general competitiveness as for the Bro masculinity is born from a fantasy of dominating others.
4. He prefers a dumbed-down image of women, in which they are accessories and as such do not inconvenience him from his true passion: hanging out with other guys. His image of women conforms to his intractable adolescent imagination.
5. The Bro prefers technology that heightens his sense of male power and dominance. Therefore, cars are a central theme in his technological world, as are violent computer games.
6. The Bro has a streak of misogyny (hostility toward women) in which he looks at women as threatening to his freedom and independence. Therefore, a lot of car and truck commercials depict men getting together and “escaping their women” on a variety of expeditions, treks, and general getaways.
7. The Bro can never reconcile his perennial contradiction: He bloviates endlessly about how much he loves women but he forever longs to escape from women and enjoy the escape of male camaraderie.
8. The Bro often feels disgusted and oppressed by the “feminization” of popular culture and he seeks relief from this disgust by becoming absorbed in violent, conspicuously male pursuits: football, MMA fighting, bellicose computer games.
9. The Bro loves hanging out with other Bros or “dudes,” but he demands that the number be three men or more since two men on an outing is too intimate and suggests a relationship not sharply heterosexual and masculine.
10. The Bro only dances when drunk and even then his dancing cannot be over-choreographed because an expertise in dancing suggests a lack of Man Points. In essence, the Bro dances as a “necessary evil,” part of the mating game he must put up with.
11. The Bro is comfortable with his ignorance and finds intellectual curiosity less than manly. He thus seeks other men who are as comfortable with their ignorance as he is.
12. The Bro is essentially conservative in nature, meaning that he hates change. He believes things are a certain way and to try to change them is to tinker with nature, a foolishness that will result in chaos and destruction.

 

The 12 Qualities of the Metrosexual (also called the Hipster)

 

1. The metrosexual is a heterosexual who unlike the Bro is meticulously concerned with grooming and fashion, to the degree that he budgets for a variety of beauty and grooming products and does so without feeling insecure about his sexuality.
2. The metrosexual is a highly refined consumer who pursues the best products available and distinguishes between high quality, mediocre quality, and low quality. While the Bro drinks Bud Light, the metrosexual is more inclined to drink Grey Goose or a mojito. A Bro does not know and does not want to know what a mojito is. While the Bro wears Gap jeans, the metrosexual wears Diesel or Evisu. However, the Bro wouldn’t get caught dead in those designer labels.
3. The metrosexual is open-minded to new experiences, travel, and change, things considered anathema and an abomination to the Bro.
4. While the Bro is provincial, clinging to the cultural mores of one small town or area, the metrosexual is cosmopolitan, gathering influences from all over the world.
5. The idea of a “feminine side” is abhorrent to the Bro, but the metrosexual embraces his feminine side in order to express his full humanity. The metrosexual not only goes to “sensitive” movies that the Bro would never go to; the metrosexual cries with no shame at those movies.
6. For the Bro, a lack of style is the hallmark of his bedroom. In contrast, the metrosexual looks for a very distinct style and is not ashamed to consult with an interior decorator or some other fashion consultant.
7. While the Bro frets over others accusing him of being a homosexual, the metrosexual is blithely indifferent regarding what anyone thinks of his sexuality since he is very secure in his deeply-rooted heterosexual orientation.
8. While the Bro eschews books and reading in general, the metrosexual is constantly haunted by the idea that he is behind in his reading and is constantly eager to start a new book.
9. The Bro clings to old traditions while the metrosexual is always on the cutting edge and is often perceived as a “cool setter.”
10. While the Bro likes to “get up and go,” the metrosexual will prepare himself in the bathroom twice as long as the average woman. Even the metrosexual’s closet will be oversized to accommodate his abundant fashion choices.
11. The Bro orders plain, provincial food like a hamburger while the metrosexual eats from an international menu. For example, the Bro cannot eat with chop sticks while the metrosexual is fluent in this form of eating.
12. The Bro goes out of his way NOT to dress in gay attire while the metrosexual and gay attire are often the same.

Comments

[Tim]

Quite a not-so-subtle attack on the ordinary conservative man. You should be more grateful for such men, since this country was not founded by little dapper Dans, nor could it have been. It's unfortunate that you've mockingly twisted "Bro" qualities into vices, but very gently treated the "Metro" type.

Is there no manliness that is virtuous? I dare say that true manliness IS virtuous, and it has none of the effete qualities you've so delicately referred to on the Metro side.

Kind of a lopsided and sickening blog today, Jeff. I guess California culture has gotten to you.

[Shorty]

Jeff: Just call me a "Bro" who's a latent "Metrosexual." I love the bro life, but have been observed using skin care products. I won't board my full-size pickup to shoot at the range with dry facial skin. I also (surreptitiously) like to learn about other cultures and am a voracious reader. I love puppies too. I am what I am... Am I Bi-Metro?

[Jeffrey McMahon]

Clearly, this post is an over simplification. There are nuances in between. I have a finicky aesthetic for my home furnishings which is metro but as an avid NFL and MMA fighting fan, I've got the Bro in me as well.

[Klerk Kant]

Expert analysis of this particularly popular false dichotomy. those who complain about a bias to one side or the other are likely those that identify with one side or the other.

Our need to define ourselves seems to be the source of stereotypes power over us. Could a hipster exist in a vacuum? Could a bro? I, like every other man who reads this, has a little of both. Perhaps, like me, some of you are not so desperate for identity that you do not define yourself as one or the other. Once you do define yourself as one or the other you have effectively separated yourself from the other. A population divided benefits some, but is a detriment to the community on the ground. I was blessed enough to live in Baltimore for a long time, where hipsters and factory workers could drink and talk politics in any one of the thousands of corner bars over a game of pool and a natty boh- grand equalizers and enemies of the stereotype. And big surprise- there are very few disagreements when superficially diverse people who live in the same environment talk to each other without false divisions and stereotypes clouding their mind.

-K "we'ze all the same" K

[Jeffrey McMahon]

Excellent point: "I was blessed enough to live in Baltimore for a long time, where hipsters and factory workers could drink and talk politics in any one of the thousands of corner bars over a game of pool and a natty boh- grand equalizers and enemies of the stereotype." A true hipster and a true bro can chill with anyone because he is comfortable with himself and this comfort transcends stereotypes.

[Tim]

In other words, if I disagree, there must be something wrong with me; I have a "bias". So much for your diversity. Why do you presume that a bias is a bad thing anyway? Is truth a bias? Yes, indeed it is, and thank God for it.

The original blog is so filled with stereotypes, it's no longer funny. Why? Because they're predictably in favor of the Metro. Isn't this a bias? In typical modern fashion, the Bro is regarded as a laughable idiot, whereas the Metro is treated as a cute and harmless type. Notice that the Metro remarks often are prefaced by criticisms of the Bro. Yet the reverse is not true. This is just the sort of treatment that conservative men receive nowadays. Unless we're sipping herbal tea, nibbling tofu, or thrilling over someone else's culture, we're deemed egg head throwbacks. Please spare me the relativism.

[Ed]

Oooo, someone has met his match!

[Tim]

Who and what are the match?

[herculodge]

There are endearing portraits of the Bro or the Dude, which we should acknowledge. I'm thinking of one my favorite films The Big Lebowski.

[Ed]

Tim, I mean you have called Jeff on his statements in this blog, and I have yet to see him make a serious refutation of your charges. (And the shrugging it off as "satire" has worn thin.)Your points are completely valid, Tim. Rhetorically, it looks like Herc has met his match.

[herculodge]

I have no fire in my belly to defend the stereotype. If one is offended by the stereotype, so be it.

[Tim]

Thanks, Ed. Yes, I'm waiting for something substantial to be said so I can respond to it. I happen to like debates very much, but they do take two sides that are willing to engage.

Manliness has been misrepresented in this blog as a laughable idiosyncracy. It irks me because this goes on a little too often in liberal America. And if we object to it, we're called angry white males!

By the way, is there something wrong with anger? Is this the next quality the Metros will deny us or deem a dissorder? Righteous anger happens to be a virtuous passion by which a man is enabled to do that which is right but difficult and dangerous. So don't mistake such anger for hatred. It isn't hatred, but energized conviction.

I also disagree with the notion that intelligence is foreign to manliness, that stupity is manly. Absolutely not. On the other hand, would we say that intelligence is notably Metro-ish or feminine? Ahem. Reading good books and being intellectualy sharp are part and parcel of being a true objective virtuous man. Debates, for example, aren't for wimps. Wimps most often run from debates, because their positions - since based more on feelings than reason - are nearly impossible to explain and defend.

So, if some one wants to publish the opinions found on this blog - fine, I'm all for it. You won't get the fairness doctrine rebuke from me, because I DO believe in the free expression of differing viewpoints. But such persons should realize that others might strongly disagree with them, and call them out for a manly exchange of ideas.

[herculodge]

I do find manliness and affectations of it to be humorous. Of course one can be manly and smart. I did not mean for readers to infer such from my Man Points post.

Regarding the Bro vs. Metrosexual, the latter could have been improved had I been as severe on his type as I was on the Bro. That was a weakness in the post. If I were to rewrite it, I'd be as scathing on the affectations of the hipster.

[Tim]

Well, we're waiting for the next edition, Jeff.

[Mike W]

"The Greeks are lovers of the beautiful, yet simple in our tastes, and we cultivate the mind without loss of manliness."

--Thucydides