Today I filled out some loan documents and then called nearby Staples to see if they had a FedEx box. The person on the phone said indeed they did.
When I got there, the person behind the counter said they did NOT have a FedEx box and looked at me like I was stupid for asking.
I drove to the nearby health store, thinking I had seen a FedEx box in front of it. But I was wrong. There was only a UPS box. However, right next to the health food store was a FedEx truck. No driver was inside the passenger area and the rear door was closed, but putting my ear against the truck's sidewall I heard movement inside. I pounded on the truck and shouted "Anyone in there!" several times while pedestrians looked at me like I was crazy. My attempts were futile and I ended up looking like a crackpot.
My God, I am a crackpot. This should be obvious and not require funny looks from strangers. My poor daughters. I hope they turn out okay.