1. Needy Little League parents haul a huge artillery of blankets, bedspreads, picnic baskets, binoculars, and video cameras to their children’s games, resulting in hogging the front-row bleachers.
2. Needy Little League parents threaten their children while they’re batting at the plate. They say things like, “Get a hit or you can spend the night in the dog house!” This is no joke. These parents mean business and their children, terrified by the consequences of disappointing their parents, cannot concentrate on hitting, so that they strike out and indeed must spend the night in the dog house.
3. Needy Little League parents hold umpires to a professional standard whereby any “mistake” the umpire makes, especially one that shows their child in a negative light, constitutes a possible civil action or, if the parents don’t have the necessary funds to hire a lawyer, a slug in the face.
4. Needy Little League parents keep meticulous records of their children’s batting, fielding, and pitching statistics, which they rattle off to other parents in the bleachers.
5. Needy Little League parents like to boast to other parents in the bleachers that their child already has a sport agent.
6. When they’re not overworking their children in the mechanics of baseball, needy Little League parents audition their children for various commercials and TV appearances in the hopes that, in some form or other, their child will be a star. Therefore, it is not uncommon for these poor children to show up to their baseball games with the Hollywood gleam of manicures, bouffant hairdos, and teeth implants.
7. Needy Little League parents are always getting on the coach’s case to keep the dug-out at an appropriate temperature. Thus these needy parents are always supplying fans, heaters, ice chests, and other thermal devices to maintain their child’s “optimum body temperature.”
8. Needy Little League parents commonly complain that their child’s uniform is too plain and needs to be redesigned. If they have lots of money, these parents will find a designer who will make brand new uniforms for the entire team. These new uniforms will be of a “professional grade” and fuel the needy parents’ fantasy that their child has really made it to the Big Leagues.
9. Needy Little League parents always see their kids' coaches as buffoons who can't appreciate their children's skills and effort. These parents decide to coach the next year, since none of the coaches seem to know anything about baseball. After that year, those parents stop coaching because they find it impossible to deal with other needy Little League parents.
10. Desperate for their kids to become all-stars, Needy Little League parents force their kids to watch endless hours of video of themselves screwing up in various maneuvers and then lambaste their children for not keeping up with their school homework.