People in the United States don’t eat enough beans, which, rich in nutrients and fiber resulting in the lowering of your bad cholesterol and the rising of your good cholesterol, are an official super food. But there’s a stigma in this country that says, “Beans aren’t sexy. Beans are synonymous with rot gut. Beans are slop.” This egregious misconception has no doubt disseminated throughout the clogged arteries of our bloated country from the notorious “bean scene” in Mel Brooks’ Blazing Saddles. Relying on a hackneyed scatological gimmick for cheap laughs, Mel Brooks has, by demonizing beans, done more to harm the health of Americans than anyone on this planet. He should be ashamed of himself.
Now get Blazing Saddles out of your mind, acclimate your stomach to beans by eating them every day, a few tablespoons at first, gradually building up to two cups a day for the rest of your life. And vary your beans. Don’t stick to just limas and kidneys, as good as they are, but foray into the heirloom varieties like Cellini, Mayacoba, Rio Zape, and Appaloosa beans. Beans are buttery, meaty, savory, full and satisfying. Eating beans will make you naturally shun the eating of slaughtered animals. Once you discover the toothsome delights of beans, you will no longer desire gnashing your teeth into a bloody carcass. You will once again be a true friend to the animals. You will find your spiritual center. You will free yourself from the Evil Industrial Food Machine.
Eating beans will change your life.
You owe it to yourself, your family, your children, and your country to get on
the Bean-Eating Train. You owe it to the bean itself, which has been slandered
for too long. Take the bean back from the clutches of misguided propaganda.
Welcome the bean back into your home. Embrace it. Cherish it. Savor it. Your
life depends on it.
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