Have you ever been to a couple’s house with your wife, got an upset stomach from nerves or the gnawing sense that the meat they served you was undercooked or contaminated or both, had to suffer the great shame and anxiety of rushing to their bathroom several times, depleted their entire stock of Costco toilet paper, later learned you clogged their toilet, found out they had to call a plumber at some late-night hour on a Sunday and that this plumber charged them double the normal cost for snaking their pipes and they could barely pay the plumber and they and they ended up being two months late on their car and mortgage payments so that their credit rating plummeted and they weren’t able to get a low interest rate on a second car they had planned on buying? And then to put the icing on the cake, this couple—who used to be good friends with your wife and you—blamed you for all their financial troubles and they no longer want to be your friend?
Happens to me all the time. My friends list is dwindling. At this rate, losing about a friend a month, next October I’ll be completely friendless.
Three years without friends, my guess is that learned helplessness will sink in at which point I will become “unfriendable.”
Desperate to ward off this curse, I recently called the couple whose plumbing I had single-handedly ruined and begged for their forgiveness, even offering to co-sign on their car loan (I have an excellent FICO score) so they could get a cheaper rate, but they didn't return my call. After my initial offer with no response, I sent them $100 gift cards for Target, iTunes, Amazon, and Home Depot, but even after all that they still haven’t called me.
Unfriendable. I had better get used to the sound of it.
Exceptional one-day sale on the black gunmetal Invicta 1268. It comes with another cheapie watch for free.
Regarding the coat hanger method I learned to get the gross clog out of my bathroom drain, Guy writes:
"Black Jello"... ha! A disgusting and perfect description.
The home improvement stores in my area sell a little gadget that's like the coathanger trick on steroids. It is called "Zip-It" and is a flat, flexible strip of plastic with sharp little barbs on opposite sides. You shove it down the drain and pull out the most rancid glob of @$#$*! you ever saw.
Amazon carries it too:
http://www.amazon.com/Cobra-Products-400-Drain-Cleaning/dp/B000BO9204
Update:
This blog's author thanks Guy for the recommendation; he just bought one because in part it's easier to store than a untwined coat hanger.
I live in Southern California but this intractable cold front makes it feels like Chicago. My sweatshirt hoodies weren't cutting it so I splurged on this Special Ops Commando sweater. Should keep me warm . . . and complement my manly watch collection.
Demetri writes:
On another manly topic:
Do you think this diminishes Mr. Garay's man points one bit? I think not...
Dear Mr. Man Points,
I just got a big promotion and I want to celebrate by treating myself to a brand new car, the kind that will attract the ladies. The problem I’m having is that there are so many color choices. What colors will maximize my Man Points?
In the realm of Darwinian sexual selection, male birds boasting the brightest flashiest plumage get first dibs on the females. Male birds champion glorious ruffs, crowns, and bloated neck sacs to add to their ostentation. This urge to be seen above everyone else is the key factor when a man chooses a car color. Therefore, if you want to increase your reproductive opportunities you must avoid plain car colors like black, red, or white. Instead, opt for the most scintillating colors imaginable, those with greater quantities of phosphorescent pigments, meaning the paint will glow in the dark and give off an iridescence in sunlight.
Having established that you must choose a color with a high concentration of phosphorescent pigments, let us now focus on the Three Masculine Themes of car colors. The first theme is that of the Intrepid Traveler. If you choose this theme, the color will allude to tropical bodies of water, faraway galaxies, and paradisiacal vistas. Such colors include Sepang Green, Galactic Gray Mica, and Kalahari Beige Metallic. These colors will make a bold statement that you do not drive your car in some drab, generic suburb, however true that may be, but rather that you are transported, by the sheer virtue of owning your car, to some exotic locale. Thus you can instantly go to the green sea off of Sepang, Malaysia, or behold the glimmering deserts of Egypt or the Kalahari. Or you can be titillated by the unlimited possibilities of the Savannah range while contemplating the paleoanthropological contributions of Richard Leakey.
The second theme is I Am Indestructible. In this case, you will choose colors such as Zircon, Diamond Graphite, and Olivine Green Metallic, which make references to jewels, gems and precious minerals, suggesting that at the core of man’s car is something adamantine, invincible, and irresistibly iridescent. Just as important, by linking man’s car to a precious gem he can flatter himself with the idea that his car, constructed of rare elements, will actually appreciate over time. Another benefit of marketing a car as a precious, invincible jewel is that it becomes a preferred substitute for the engagement or wedding ring. What man wants to deal with the morally dubious proposition of supporting the diamond trade in South Africa, with its labor abuses and alleged links to terrorism, when he can ingratiate himself with his fiancé by showing his love through the gift of a chimeric automobile?
The third theme is Lust for Life. These colors suggest sensuous states of ecstasy, Dionysian rapture, and reckless abandon.
Therefore, these colors will typically be named after some type of wine or other, such as Chardonnay, Champagne, or Chiaretto. The statement you make is that you don’t merely drive your car. You drink it. You get drunk from it. You are in effect seizing the day, living in the moment, and, as such, you are fulfilling your dream and your destiny.
Of course, you know and I know that this whole color business is complete bullshit but we’re talking about reproductive dominance and no one said it was going to be easy. So proudly spread your iridescent peacock feathers, my friend, and find the babe you’ve been looking for all your life. Your Man Points depend on it.
No frills dipping and rowing station, the Ultimate Body Press would be a good addition to home gym. This was recommended on a site that reviews The Rack.
For the last 12 years I've subjected my forearms and hands to daily torture with the Captains of Crush grippers so that I won't be dwarfed by my manly watches.
Today, though, my strength got the best of me as I snapped a Captains of Crush gripper into two pieces. This brand, made of thick, tempered steel, is supposed to be the toughest made in the world and by God I broke it. A good day for Man Points but a bad day for Captains of Crush.
I couldn't believe how heavy the box was when I picked it up from the front porch. The MOP Invicta Leviathan with metal bracelet weighs a full pound. It's my first watch with a gray dial or a gray MOP shade.
It needs some serious adjustment. My guess is the jeweler will take off four links. I like that the crown has a yellow gasket that doesn't disappear until it's fully tight to let you know its safe to go into the water.
A watch of this weight might make me sink. Who needs dumbbells and barbells when you're rocking a Leviathan?
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