The Importance of Specificity in Your Thesis and Mapping Components

Here is a thesis from a 1A student that has serious problems in specificity and parallelism, not to mention other errors.

I began not to believe in God because of God making too big an ark, being offensive, having two kinds' story in books, and doing too much worship ceremonies.

Here's an improvement with more clarity in the mapping components:

I lost my faith in God because of fatuous, implausible stories such as Noah's Ark, morally dubious representations of God such as the New Testament fig tree parable, the incomprehensible contradictions of the Old and New Testament, and the conception of God as a Father Figure for whom his worshipers pray to in a kiss-butt way in order that their infantile wishes be granted.