Here are some common student essay errors, which result in a LOSS OF POINTS:
1. Using quotation marks for novels, book titles, newspaper articles, television programs, and websites when you should use italics (that's italics). For italics rules, see Rules For Writers, pages 322-325)
2. Using italics for short stories and essay titles when you should use quotation marks. For quotation mark rules, see Rules for Writers, pages 300-307.
3. Using a generic title for your essay like "Essay No.1." Or using the title of a book or essay you've been assigned to read for your title. Use YOUR OWN TITLE and give it some pizzazz.
4. Misspelling "Works Cited" on your Works Cited page, which is the final page of your essay. I receive all variations of this spelling, including "Work Cited," "Works Sited," "Bibliography," "Works Cite," etc. For Works Cited MLA format, see Rules for Writers, pages 454-455.
5. Not using headers at the top right of every page of your essay.
6. Stapling your pages in the wrong order or sometimes stapling one of the pages upside down.
7. Turning in your essays with faded ink from a long-worn ribbon or cartridge.
8. Folding the upper left pages into "dog ears" as a substitute for staples.
9. Using staples on the upper right corner of your essay.
10. Turning in essay with various food stains, including dried cheese bits, bacon grease, and other forms of unidentifiable detritus.
11. Using lavender, lime, or other blinding colors of paper for your essay.
12. Pasting an entire URL code, usually showing up in blue ink, of a website for your Works Cited Page.
13. Referring to an essay as a "story."
14. Referring to a story as an "essay."
15. Beginning an essay with the words, "In today's society . . ." or "In our world today . . ." or some other lame cliche.
16. Beginning your conclusion paragraphs with the fatuous and condescending "As you can now clearly see . . ."
17. Referring to a male author as "she" or a female author as "he," which suggests your powers of concentration were compromised by playing your iPod too loudly or something.
18. Encasing your essay in plastic sheaths and a black plastic spine so that I must extract your essay like I would lobster meat from its exoskeleton.
19. Using a tiny font and single-spacing your essay so that I can barely read it, let alone put any comments on it. For correct MLA formatting, see Rules for Writers, pages 445-455.
20. Misspelling my name on your title page. For the record, my name is Jeff McMahon.
21. Emailing your paper in a zip file or something other than a Word File that will not open. I can only open Word Files but prefer a "hard copy" in my hand. Only send Word attachments when circumstances impede you from turning the essay to me in person.
22. Turning in an essay comprised of scrawny paragraphs, two or three sentences long, and fewer than 80 words per paragraph. A well developed paragraph should be 100-130 words or so.
23. Misspelling an author's name or misspelling the title of an essay or book you are presumably explicating with expertise or at the very least a modicum of credibility.
24. Using the word "basically" in your essay. This word is so lame, pretentious, and cowardly it should be banned from the English language. If you don't believe me, ask your boyfriend, girlfriend, husband, or wife if he or she loves you. The answer "yes" or "no" you can handle. But the answer "basically" is disrespectful. Get it?
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