A Competent and Exceptional Essay
When I give a paper a B grade, I’m saying that the essay is competent.
By competent, the essay has a solid thesis, is well organized, has adequate paragraph development, has helpful transitions, and uses the right amount of outside sources to support the author’s claims and assertions.
However, the word competent also points to certain derogatory characteristics: The competent essay tends toward cliché, truisms, aphorisms, and familiar, predictable, “safe” territory.
As a result, the competent essay is stale and boring so that the reader feels as if he is slogging through the exposition and is eager to get to the “finish line.”
In contrast, the exceptional essay is an A paper because it has all the characteristics of being precisely what it is called, exceptional:
The exceptional essay has surprises, taking the reader where he didn’t expect to go. “Wow, I never imagined I’d arrive here,” the reader thinks to himself. “Who in the hell wrote this gem,” the reader continues. “I want to know this person. I want to have some of this person’s greatness. My God, the more I think about it, this writer is so much smarter than I am, I think I’m jealous.”
The exceptional essay has the “wow factor” in terms of its intellectual muscle flexing, its complexity, its insights, its ability to grasp contradictions and paradoxes of the human condition, its ability to grasp dichotomies and tug on both ends of those dichotomies with equal rigor.
The exceptional essay has muscular sentence structure with no “steak fat” or filler as it relies on a precise, diverse word choice and is spoken with a powerful, confident voice that makes the essay a pleasure to read.
The exceptional essay does not use sanctimonious, self-regarding, long-winded rhetoric to bore and chafe the reader with the writer’s sense of self-righteous, bombastic rectitude. Rather, when the exceptional essay does dip into the thesaurus of “surprise words,” the words are “perfect for the occasion” or are used with acid-tongued irony.
The exceptional essay does not hide behind a variety of sources because it is too shy to reveal its feeble voice; instead, the exceptional essay relies mostly on the writer’s dominant voice, the Alpha Dog of the exposition, using the research material as “small pack dogs” or assistants to the Alpha Dog.
Use Varied Paragraph Transitions (link here)
Example of an Essay That Never Uses First, Second, Third, Fourth, Etc., for Transitions
Stupid Reasons for Getting Married
People should get married because they are ready to do so, meaning they're mature and truly love one another, and most importantly are prepared to make the compromises and sacrifices a healthy marriage entails. However, most people get married for the wrong reasons, that is, for stupid reasons.
Alas, needy people glom on to the most disastrous reasons for getting married and those reasons make it certain that their marriage will quickly terminate or waddle precariously along in an interminable domestic hell.
A common and compelling reason that fuels the needy into a misguided marriage is when these needy souls see that everyone their age has already married—their friends, brothers, sisters, and, yes, even their enemies. They begin to feel terribly needy and anxious and feel compelled to “get with the program.”
Additionally, they see their siblings have received thousands of dollars in wedding gifts and have been lavished with attention from all the relatives.
Thus, the needy are rankled by envy. They are also chafed by a sense of being short-changed when they see their recently-married dunce of a co-worker promoted above them for presumably the added credibility that marriage afforded them. As singles, they know they will never be taken seriously at work. There is also the fear that they as the years tick by they are becoming less and less attractive and their looks will no longer obscure their woeful character deficiencies.
A more egregious reason for marrying is to end the tormented, off-on again-off-on again relationship, which needs the official imprimatur of marriage, followed by divorce, to officially terminate the relationship. I spoke to a marriage counselor once who told me that some couples were so desperate to break-up for good that they actually got married, then divorced, for this purpose.
Other pathological, and often needy, reasons to marry are to find a loathsome spouse in order to spite one’s parents or to set a wedding date in order to hire a personal trainer and finally lose those thirty pounds one has been carrying for too long.
Envy, avarice, spite, and vanity fuel both needy men and woman alike. However, there is a certain type of needy man who finds that it is easier to marry his girlfriend than it is to have to listen to her constant nagging about their need to get married. His girlfriend’s constant harping about the fact their relationship hasn’t taken the “next logical step” presents a burden so great that marriage in comparison seems benign. Even if he has not developed the maturity to marry, even if he isn’t sure if he’s truly in love, even if he is still inextricably linked to some former girlfriend that his current girlfriend does not know about, even if he knows in his heart of hearts that he is not hard-wired for marriage, even if he harbors a secret defect that renders him sterile, he will dismiss all of these factors and rush into a marriage in order to alleviate his current source of anxiety and suffering, which is the incessant barrage of his girlfriend’s grievances about them not being married.
Indeed, some of needy man’s worst decisions have been made in order to quell a discontented woman. The needy man’s eagerness to quiet a woman’s discontent points to a larger defect, namely, his spinelessness, which, if left unchecked, turns him into the Go-With-the-Flow-Guy. As the name suggests, this type of man offers no resistance, even in large-scale decisions that affect his destiny. Put this man in a situation where his girlfriend, his friends, and his family are all telling him that “it’s time to get married,” and he will, as his name suggests, simply “go with the flow.” He will allow everyone else to make the wedding plans, he’ll let someone fit him for a wedding suit, he’ll allow his mother to pick out the ring, he’ll allow his fiancé to pick out the look and flavor of the wedding cake and then on the day of the wedding, he simply “shows up” with all the passion of a turnip.
His passivity and his aversion to argument insure marital longevity. However, there are drawbacks. Most notably, he will over time become so silent that his wife won’t even be able to get a word out of him. Over the course of their fifty-year marriage he’ll go with her to restaurants with a newspaper and read it, ignoring her. His impassivity is so great that she could tell him about the “other man” she is seeing and he wouldn’t blink an eye. At home he is equally reticent, watching TV or reading with an inexpressive, dull-eyed demeanor.
Whatever this silent man lacks as a social animal is made up by the fact that he is docile and is therefore non-threatening, a condition that everyone, including his wife, prefers to the passionate male beast whose strong, irreverent opinions will invariably rock the boat and deem that individual a trouble maker. The Go-With-the-Flow-Guy, on the other hand, is reliably safe and as such makes for controlling women a very good catch in spite of his tendency to be as charismatic and flavorful as a cardboard wafer.
A desperate marriage motivation exclusively owned by needy men is the belief that since they have pissed off just about every other woman on the planet, they need to find refuge by marrying the only woman whom they haven’t yet thoroughly alienated—their current girlfriend. According to sports writer Rick Reilly, baseball slugger Barry Bonds’ short-lived reality show was a disgrace in part because for Reilly the reality show is “the last bastion of the scoundrel.” Likewise, for many men who have offended over 99% of the female race with their pestilent existence, marriage is the last sanctuary for the despised male who has stepped on so many women’s toes that he is, understandably, a marked man.
Therefore, these men aren’t so much getting married as much as they are enlisting in a “witness protection program.” They are after all despised and targeted by their past female enemies for all their lies and betrayals and running out of allies they see that marriage makes a good cover as they try to blend in with mainstream society and take on a role that is antithetical to their single days as lying, predatory scoundrels.
Additionally, marriage’s well-known neutering effect on over-sexed single males makes these men less threatening and contributes, they hope, to pacifying the scorn of their former lovers.
The analogy between marriage and a witness protection program is further developed when we see that for many men marriage is their final stab at earning public respectability because they are, as married men, proclaiming to the world that they have voluntarily shackled themselves with the chains of domesticity in order that they may be spared greater punishments, the bulk of which will be exacted upon by the women whom they used and manipulated for so many years.
Because it is assumed that their wives will keep them in check, their wives become, in a way, equivalent to the ankle bracelet transmitters worn by parolees who are only allowed to travel within certain parameters. Marriage anchors man close to the home and, combined with the wife’s reliable issuing of house chores and other domestic duties, the shackled man is rendered safely tethered to his “home base” where his wife can observe him sharply to make sure he doesn’t backslide into the abhorrent behavior of his past single life.
Many men will see the above analysis of marriage as proof that their fear of marriage as a prison was right all along, but what they should learn from the analogy between marriage and prison is that they are more productive, more socialized, more softened around his hard edges, and more protected, both from the outside world and from themselves by being shackled to their domestic duties. With these improvements in their lives, they have actually, within limits, attained a freedom they could never find in single life.
The Five Writing Traps to Avoid
1. Turning in late papers—I set my sights on the new cycle of essays so that when a late paper, from the old cycle, comes my way I look at that paper with disdain. In fact, my heart is “dead” to the late paper and I will mark that late paper with a C or D grade no matter what the paper’s virtues. My hostility to the late paper is exacerbated when students give me their grossly tardy expositions during the last two weeks of the semester, a time in which I am already inundated with stacks of on-time papers, thereby making me especially vitriolic toward late essays, which I see as an affront to my dignity and self-respect and which therefore compel me to mark those essays with a D or F grade. I harbor enormous suspicions towards alleged “medical and family emergencies” which “necessitate” turning in a late essay. While I concede that compelling circumstances do exist and while I address those alleged compelling circumstances on an individual basis and with sympathy, I have found over the last twenty years of teaching that well over 99% of the students who claim special circumstances are a constant source of chafing agitation and demonstrate a highly annoying predictable pattern of lame excuses, “bad luck,” and emotional neediness which, for their sake, I do not indulge lest I should be guilty of encouraging their dysfunctional behavior. In conclusion, do not, I repeat, do not turn in late essays.
2. Writing essays that are full of the obvious and self-evident—an essay full of obvious truths and clichés has no reason to exist, no matter how well organized and well written. Writing about the evil of greed and materialism or the way in which we are withdrawing into our technology or how we have forgotten to love and respect one another are all true and noble sentiments but they have no business in your papers since, presumably, we already have those beliefs so that these papers are superfluous. To capitulate to obvious truths about the human condition is to sermonize or to lecture down to your reader. Also, if the material is obvious, you will be bored with your own essay and your reader will even be more bored. Therefore, strive to challenge your intellect and argue for a position that requires vigorous defense and sophisticated analysis.
3. Writing essays from your head but not your gut—intellectual explorations can only take you so far. A memorable essay must be fueled by both your mind and a fire in your belly. If you can’t muster a fire of passion for your topic, then your essay will be flaccid, perfunctory, and lackluster, sins which your reader will never forgive. You cannot fake passion. Either you have it or you don’t. It is your responsibility to find a way to bring authentic passion to your essay.
4. Writing half-baked essays—a half-baked essay is a rough draft, a seed of a good idea. It may contain a recognizable structure, topic sentences, a clear focus, and an exciting approach but it falls on its face because the essay lacks details, color, and concreteness. A telltale sign of a half-baked essay is short paragraphs. Fully developed paragraphs, 100-150 words, are a sign of a fully baked exposition, which I can spot immediately just by glancing at your paragraphs. A lack of details, haphazard sentences, redundant syntax, lack of word variety—all these things evince a half-baked essay written in the rush of a moment or with one hand on the keyboard and other holding a cell phone. I have sadly received many half-baked essays because students carried on with cell-phone conversations while writing their essays.
5. Relying on your computer or a tutor for spelling, grammar, and other facets of your exposition—realize that your computer is a nincompoop that is incapable of discerning the difference between possessive case and a contraction (whose/who’s or your/you’re or its/it’s) and many other spelling scenarios. Its grammar check is a complete stinker. Its ability to detect other syntax errors is at best weak. Do not rely on it. Do not rely on your tutor for grammar either. Over the last twenty years I have received thousands of “tutor-approved” essays rife with comma splices, run-ons, fragments, noun-pronoun errors, dangling modifiers, faulty subordination, elephantine syntax, and other egregious errors that have prompted full investigations into the credentials of these so-called “tutors.” I have also over the last twenty years graded horrific, cliché-laden essays that the students defended by saying, “But my tutor liked it,” or “It was my tutor’s idea.” I don’t care what your tutor thought or said about your essay. Your tutor means absolutely nothing to me. Therefore rely on no one but yourself. This is a life lesson in being street smart, the most valuable kind of intelligence. Remember that Rule Number One in being street smart is trusting no one. Rule Number Two is don’t make your pride, performance, and excellence dependent on others. Your excellence and success is your responsibility and no one else’s.
Three. Qualities of a Successful Thesis, the Foundation of Your Essay
1. One sentence that declares or asserts a position that can be demonstrated with examples.
A thesis can be an argument:
The death penalty is wrong because of _______, _______, ________, and ________;
an extended definition:
Maturity is the condition of _________, _________, _________, and _________;
an analysis :
Jeff Henderson's redemption was the result of __________, _________, _________, and ____________.
2. The examples can be expressed in mapping statements or mapping components.
3. Avoids being self-evident or obvious but creates new insights.
4. A good thesis is visceral, from the gut, meaning you have an immediate emotional connection to it. The intellect comes later.
Sample Thesis with Mapping Statements
Argument
Hiring a personal trainer is a sign of being a loser. First, most people who hire a personal trainer show their need for a crutch rather than exercising self-reliance. Second, most people who hire personal trainers don't do so for authentic, permanent change, but for some transitory short-term goal like the need to lose their "cottage cheese" before the swim season or before their wedding. Third, most people who hire personal trainers don't do so because they're really interested in exercise; they do so because they're lonely and they need someone to talk to.
Another Thesis That Refutes the Above:
The gentleman who so archly dismisses all people who hire a personal trainer is a jackass indulging in over simplification. While he may be right SOME of the time, he doesn't accurately analyze ALL the reasons some people seek a personal trainer. For one, some people are too ignorant to begin their own training program and they should be commended for having the courage and dignity to seek help. Second, a good personal trainer can give his or her client a vision of what constitutes good fitness. Third, a good personal trainer can help his or her client begin a training program that will avoid injury, discouragement, or some other problem that might impede the client from making a long-term commitment.
Another Thesis Example (Analysis):
Jeff Henderson's Cooked is a good example of man going through the four stages of life as described the psychologist Carl Jung. Jeff Henderson becomes the Athlete, a young man simply interested in his physical needs. Second, he becomes, as a criminal, the Warrior, a man who wants to conquer the world for his own self-indulgence. In prison where he learns humility and a hard-work ethic, he becomes a statesman, a spokesperson for wisdom and virtue. As he mentors troubled kids in the art of fine cooking, his ego diminishes more and more and his wisdom surmounts until he becomes Jung's final phase of the human journey: Spirit.
Essay 1: Cooked by Jeff Henderson
A wise man once said that when we think we're rising in life, we're really falling and when we think we're falling, we're really rising. In a 6-page essay, apply this wisdom, in all of its psychological complexity, to Jeff Henderson's journey and compare to someone from a personal interview. Use blog, book, and personal interview for your sixth page, your Works Cited page.
How do we address the essay topic with a thesis statement?
The idea of falling:
The rising-falling paradox can be explained by a close examination of human nature.
False rising: We are delusional so that our perception of "rising" may be a false perception. The narcissist always thinks he's rising when in fact he's falling.
The misguided "mountain climber" dates evil women to prove he's "number one." We could call this the drive for dominance.
False rising: We see what we want to see so there is a disparity between our self-image and who we really are. Again, this disparity evidences narcissism.
False rising: We become intoxicated or drugged by false ideas of success. Americans too often chase the mirage or chimera of fame and want their own "reality" TV show.
False rising: Success makes us feel invincible.We begin to believe in the lies of the sycophants.
False rising: When we feel invincible, we allow our behavior to become more and more reckless.
False rising: When we feel more invincible, we experience hubris, a form of arrogance that blinds us from our flaws.
Fale rising could be based on arrogance and power giving us a false sense of invincibility while we become disconnected from others.
False rising could have a downside: being blind to portents of danger and obnoxious behavior as we become full of braggadocio.
False rising could result in a disconnect from values and morals and even our true self.
False rising could result in inflated self-esteem, narcissism, and a loss of proportion in regards to what's important in the world.
False rising could be the misguided use of creativity and talent: used for the purposes of evil, concupiscence, greed, self-destruction when it should be used to blossom or to flourish.
False rising results in popularity and when we're popular we get surrounded by a popularity bubble in which sycophants praise us even when we don't deserve it so we think we're being smart and funny when we're not.
False rising: The illusion of rising is often from misguided genius or talent in which we use our power for evil rather than good but willfully blind to this fact, we pat ourselves on the back for our evil deeds.
Rising is also based on human nature and the nature of struggling, flourishing, and character-building.
Falling could be a good thing: a purging lesson in humility and fortitude. Sometimes the best that could happen to you is to have "your butt handed to you on a stick," to quote Marc Maron. For example, when I was 14, I picked a fight with an 18-year-old state wrestling champion, Sammy Choa, and I had "my butt handed to me on a stick," the best thing that ever happened to me because the experience taught me to keep my mouth shut.
Falling could be a test over what's really important in this world.
Falling could be an opportunity to live and learn wisdom.
Falling could be the experience of rejection from others so that later we have empathy for those who are being rejected or scorned.
Falling could result in a struggle that develops our fortitude (strength to endure).
Falling makes us lose our "friends" and popularity so that we have to define ourselves in a new way, without the superficial definition we had when we gained our self-esteem from the approval of others.
Falling slaps our face and makes us see the truth, the truth that we have been denying. We often deny the truth about who we really are until we "hit rock bottom" and say to ourselves, "Whatever the hell it is I'm doing, it isn't working. I need a new plan."
To me, the topic demands a two-part essay. The first part is about false rising rooted in
self-delusion
denial
intoxication of false success
The second half is about real rising rooted in
hitting a wall so that we finally see our self-destructive ways and take accountability for our actions
perdition, suffering and humility as part of the re-building process
developing empathy as we re-invent ourself in a new, much wiser way.
Why Is Cooked a best-seller and worthy of a movie deal (Will Smith bought the rights)?
Largely because Cooked conforms to the universal story that connects with us all, the Journey of the Mythic Hero.
What is the hero myth?
We must begin with our hero mired in a world of banality; our hero is overcome with ennui on one hand and wanderlust on the other. “If only I could get out of his boring, monotonous hellhole.”
Then there’s a trigger event, a visitor, a crisis, some kind of catalyst that sets things in motion.
Sometimes the hero’s talents are called upon but he says, “Screw this, I’m going to stay in my apartment, drink beer, eat apple pie, and watch cartoons.” He is the archetype of the reluctant hero. In this case, the crisis escalates until the hero is forced to take on effective and urgent action.
When the hero embarks upon his quest, be it self-discovery, the conquering of evil, or whatever the case may be, he or she is often accompanied by a companion, a helper, which can take the form of a wise man, a witch, an elf, a homunculus, a mysterious visage, a ghost, a shadow figure, an officemate, a long-lost friend, a former enemy, etc. This person becomes a sort of mentor, helping deliver the hero from his tangle of confusion and unreason.
Then the hero must transport into a special world where he undergoes a radical transformation from ordinary to unordinary. He may become Other Worldly, Super Human, or remarkable in some other way.
However, the hero cannot undergo this transformation without being subjected to a series of greater and greater hurdles and obstacles that test his character.
Along the hero’s journey, he must hit rock bottom, languishing in despair, self-doubt, and perhaps outright nihilism, concluding that he is a loser and that the world is too evil a place to attempt to impose any meaning or goodness on it.
During this “black moment,” however, the hero finds a spark that “gets him off his butt.” He somehow finds his special power, perhaps with the help of his mentor, that resurrects him from his spiritual death and with his rebirth and can now “seize the treasure,” whatever that treasure may be. (Before we go on, let us recognize that this hero motif informs every folk legend, myth, and religious fable known to the human race because the hero motif is universal.)
Once the hero acquires the treasure, whatever that might be, he must now return home, but not without a chase from his opposition. In movies, this is often the third-act chase scene.
At the conclusion of the hero story, we must see that our hero is a changed person, wiser, smarter, and stronger than before. Along with this transformation, we find our hero is now re-integrated into society.
Henderson's memoir also containes the healing myth.
We begin with our hero crushed by a broken spirit. He is a broken person. He may want to die or at least he has lost the will to live and the will to assert whatever talents cause him to flourish in this world.
Then the hero suffers some kind of outer or existential wound that incapacitates him and forces him to confront his brokenness in a radically different way. I once spoke to a student from the Caribbean who said they have a folk story that says this: We are going along in our life on auto pilot, not really examining what we are doing, but eventually we get a surprise visit from the bald muscle giant who ambushes us and forces us into a wrestling match. We come away from the wrestling match with some kind of limp or injury, but in nursing our injury we rebuild our life in a way that makes it superior to the life we had before we had our encounter with the giant. Only when we try to heal from our wound, which has become so life defining that we can no longer ignore it, do we begin the process of transformation and healing.
Example of an Introduction Narrative and Transition and Thesis for Jeff Henderson Essay
There once was a man in his early twenties. Socially awkward, he withdrew into his college studies, found companionship in books, and grew an unruly beard. Untouched by human warmth, his demeanor was a bit crazed and unsettling. His eyes were cavernous and penetrating.
One day this young man was on Pier Avenue in Hermosa Beach and he passed a popular hangout, Patrick Malloy’s. It was crowded inside. The young man pressed his bearded face against the glass and looked with longing at the attractive people. They looked so life-affirming and at ease with self-abandonment, laughing, slapping each other’s backs, kissing one another, and sloshing their beers over their glasses’ rims.
In contrast, the young man was a tightly-wound ball of repressed emotions, in turns angry and melancholy. He felt like a man of 85 trapped in the body of a 21-year old.
Watching the attractive people enjoying themselves and embracing life with an admirable, insatiable appetite, the young man was convinced he would remain on life’s sidelines, a depressed witness to a life passing him by.
Convinced of his own futility and fated to a life of loneliness, he went home, curled up into a ball and cried himself to sleep. He was a man trapped by the shackles of self-pity, convinced that he was falling in life when in fact an outside observer would see otherwise: The sad man was in reality a dedicated college student, studying rigorously, expanding his intelligence in many ways, and learning how to entertain himself in a life of loneliness. He was also building an education that would reap rewards later in life, even though he could not see this now.
We now travel 25 years into the future and focus on this same man, now in his mid-forties. He has a good job. He has developed social skills, he is well groomed, insouciant, and can conceal his cynicism behind a veil of witty repartee. He’s been married, divorced, remarried. He sits in Patrick Malloy’s with his lovely wife and her lovely friends. Beer is sloshing all around him. He doesn’t drink, save a diet Coke since he’s the designated driver. The music is loud and people are shouting over the music. His ears can’t take much more of this.
Worse, an unrelenting boredom has set in and he is no longer listening to any of the several conversations blaring around him.
He feels it both strange and cruel that earlier in his life he felt excluded from this club of beautiful people and now he is inside its very center, its most inner core, and rather than bathing in the warmth of belonging and popularity he stares at his watch.
While squirming in his seat with utter boredom, he sees a young man outside the club. The man is bearded with the same cavernous eyes and the same look of despair the middle-aged man remembers seeing in his reflection. The young man, a mirror image of the middle-aged one, presses his face against the window and looks into the eyes of his older doppelgänger.
Feeling the need to help this misguided youth, the older aspiring mentor shakes his head as if to say: "Your life is not as bad as you think it to be. Nor is my life as glorious as you perceive. In fact when we think we're rising in life, we're often falling and when we think we're falling in life, we're actually rising."
Indeed, this wisdom informs Jeff Henderson's memoir Cooked evidenced by _________________, ________________, ________________, and ________________.
Variation of the same thesis:
Jeff Henderson's memoir illustrates the wise man's rising-falling statement in five essential ways, including _______, ________, ________, and ___________.
Jeff Henderson's memoir is a powerful embodiment of the wise man's saying. Misguided genius, denial, the recognition of evil and the re-invention born from solitude and suffering inform Henderson's journey into the rising and falling.
Grammar, Spelling, and Usage Check
In the intriguing and harrowing novel “Cooked”, by Jeffery Henderson; we see a man who cultivated the wrong craft—the craft of making crack cocaine—and denied it’s impact on the community. He consoled himself with the belief that other drug dealers where ‘gang bangers.’ Whereas Jeff was merely a “business man”, in truth, he was, as a drug dealer, a cancer on society exacting many deadly affects. Henderson fills his novel with all sorts of justifications to rationalize his drug selling and how selling drugs hardly effects society at all; Because Henderson was one of the countries number one drug dealers, he was on the fed's radar screen. Pursue by the police, Henderson was eventually arrested. Although, he was not found with any drug possession; there was enough circumstantial evidence to implement charges against him, indeed, Henderson was found guilty and would, with good behavior stay in prison for nine and a half years.
How to Find a Fragment and Correct It
Thorough Lesson on Comma Splices
McMahon Grammar Exercises: Comma Splices and Run-Ons
After each sentence, put a “C” for Correct or a “CS” for Comma Splice. If the sentence is a comma splice, rewrite it so that it is correct.
One. Bailey used to eat ten pizzas a day, now he eats a spinach salad for lunch and dinner.
Two. Marco no longer runs on the treadmill, instead he opts for the less injury-causing elliptical trainer.
Three. Running can cause shin splints, which can cause excruciating pain.
Four. Running in the incorrect form can wreak havoc on the knees, slowing down can often correct the problem.
Five. While we live in a society where 1,500-calorie cheeseburgers are on the rise, the reading of books, sad to say, is on the decline.
Six. Facebook is a haven for narcissists, it encourages showing off with selfies and other mundane activities that are ways of showing how great and amazing our lives our, what a sham.
Seven. We live in a society where more and more Americans are consuming 1,500-calorie cheeseburgers, however, those same Americans are reading less and less books.
Eight. Love is a virus from outer space, it tends to become most contagious during April and May.
Nine. The tarantula causes horror in many people, moreover there is a species of tarantula in Brazil, the wandering banana spider, that is the most venomous spider in the world.
Ten. Even though spiders cause many people to recoil with horror, most species are harmless.
Eleven. The high repair costs of European luxury vehicles repelled Amanda from buying such a car, instead she opted for a Japanese-made Lexus.
Twelve. Amanda got a job at the Lexus dealership, now she’s trying to get me a job in the same office.
Thirteen. While consuming several cinnamon buns, a twelve-egg cheese omelet, ten slices of French toast slathered in maple syrup, and a tray of Swedish loganberry crepes topped with a dollop of blueberry jam, I contemplated the very grave possibility that I might be eating my way to a heart attack.
Fourteen. Even though I rank marijuana far less dangerous than most pharmaceutical drugs, alcohol, and other commonly used intoxicants, I find marijuana unappealing for a host of reasons, not the least of which is its potential for radically degrading brain cells, its enormous effect on stimulating the appetite, resulting in obesity, and its capacity for over-relaxing many people so that they lose significant motivation to achieve their primary goals, opting instead for a life of sloth and intractable indolence.
Class Activity: Use a personal example (perhaps to be used as the introduction to your essay?) to illustrate and explain the following:
A wise man once said that when "we think we're rising in life we're really falling; and when we think we're falling in life we're really rising."
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