What’s the difference between an A and B essay?
When I assign a B to an essay, I’m assessing that’s it’s a solid, competent essay. It has a clear organizational design and a clear thesis. It’s well supported. It’s documented appropriately.
So why isn’t it assigned an A?
A paper assigned a B, and not A, is determined to be
Let us look at the competent B essay:
It’s not exceptional in that it doesn’t raise the reader’s consciousness with new insights.
It doesn’t sparkle with language and precise and varied word choice.
It doesn’t sparkle with varied sentence structure providing powerful rhythm that serves as a rhetorical device giving “music” to the essay’s meaning.
It doesn’t nudge the reader to see the theme in a fresh, original way.
It doesn’t have memorable moments in its illustrations, analogies, and examples.
Literary Present Tense
Make sure to use the literary present tense when you write essays about literature, short stories, novels, etc.
Make sure to use a variety of signal phrases to introduce quotations and paraphrases.
Verbs in Signal Phrases
According to . . . (very common)
Ha Jin writes . . . (very common)
Panbin laments . . .
Dan rages . . .
Dan seethes . . .
In the words of researchers Redelmeier and Tibshirani, “…”
As Matt Sundeen has noted, “…”
Patti Pena, mother of a child killed by a driver distracted by a cell phone, points out that “…”
“…” writes Christine Haughney, “…”
“…” claims wireless spokesperson Annette Jacobs.
Radio hosts Tom and Ray Magliozzi offer a persuasive counterargument: “…”
| Acknowledges Adds Admits Addresses Argues Asserts Believes Claims Comments Compares Confirms |
Contends Declares Denies Disputes Emphasizes Endorses Grants Illustrates Implies Insists Notes |
Observes Points out Reasons Refutes Rejects Reports Responds Suggests Thinks Writes |
Grammar Check: Find the 21 Errors in the Following Paragraph
In Ha Jin’s “A Good Fall” is a novel of short stories featuring character’s lives that can be describe as tormented, excruciating, myopic, and, at times lugubrious. Take, for example, A Composer and His Parakeets; which renders a man so emasculated by his manipulative wannabe actress girlfriend that his only intimacy is with a needy bird. Which begs the question: Our the characters in Ha Jin’s story collection two cartoonish to be taken seriously? Although, at times they do descent to maudlin buffoonery and foolishness, but there psychological complexity as they clash with the excesses of American life helps lift “A Good Fall” beyond easy satire, in fact, I will venture to say that Ha Jin’s collection is a masterpiece, it is an exquisite, nuanced picture of Chinese immigrants wrestling with a myriad of America’s most malevolent forces, these include slave labor, prostitution, exploitation of naïve Chinese immigrants, and the cultural constraints that make good people sell themselves short, indeed, for all the humor of these stories; there is an underlying sadness and melancholy that pervade each one.
Essay 2: A Good Fall by Ha Jin, 150 points
In a 5-page essay, contrast helplessness and its resulting recurring cycle of futility with the Third Eye and its resulting effective action in at least 2 of the stories. Use personal interviews to give further depth to your contrast of helplessness and the Third Eye. Your sixth page, your Works Cited page, should have my blog, the book, and your personal interview.
Suggested Structure
Paragraph 1: Define learned helplessness and Third Eye
Paragraph 2: Give examples of both from your own experience, personal interview, movie, book, story, etc.
Paragraph 3: Transition to a thesis about learned helplessness and Third Eye as they pertain to Ha Jin's stories.
Paragraphs 4-6: Body paragraphs devoted to learned helplessness (block form)
Paragraphs 7-9: Body paragraphs devoted to Third Eye
Paragraph 10: Conclusion
Defining Learned Helplessness
Learned helplessness happens to all of us when we become frustrated over and over to the point that we feel we no longer have control over our destiny. We can see this with unemployment in which the unemployed go into a deep depression and in many cases become unemployable.
Ten Characteristics of Learned Helplessness When It Becomes a Pathology (Mental Illness)
One. It's a role we play or a mask we wear that can become disconnected to reality.
Two. Learned helplessness reinforces itself through repitition. The more we behave in a helpless fashion, the more helpless we become.
Three. It is a repeated habit and as such it is mindless, which means it's a very difficult habit to break unless we have the Third Eye.
Four. Learned helplessness can be an expression of narcissism, self-pity, and self-victimization; these emotions can be addicting.
Five. Learned helplessness requires the abnegation of responsibility.
Six. Learned helplessness is a self-fulfulling prophecy.
Seven. Learned helplessness is a self-betrayal in which the energy we manufacture to "be helpless" is greater than doing our responsibilities.
Eight. Learned helplessness causes death bed regret.
Nine. It causes a wasted life, a life squandered on nonsense.
Ten. It makes us a burden to others.
“Choice” (49)
I should say as a preface that while this is not my favorite story, I think it is the BEST story. There is a difference between favorite (the way life should be as in "A Good Fall," my favorite story and the way life really is, "Choice.")
1. Why does the narrator Dave Hong hate his father? 50 His father belittles any aspiration that doesn't entail money and power.
2. Explain the different meanings of the story’s title. David's choices, and Eileen's, and her daughter's.
3. Explain Dave’s sense of dislocation and lack of belonging on page 54. He lives alone, not sure of his choices, wondering if he's doomed to a life of loneliness and destitution.
4. Explain the significance of Old Feng on page 59. He represents Eileen's joyless duties at work, catering to the paranoid needs of an obscure writer. She is someone perhaps too busy to deal with the drama of a young boyfriend who has fun the affections of her daughter.
5. What evidence is there that Sami feels Dave and Eileen’s relationship betrays her recently deceased father? 63 Sami sulks and becomes passive-aggressive when she sees evidence of intimacy between Eileen and Dave. Perhaps the mother fears, having lost her husband, that a relationship with Dave could cause her to lose her daughter.
6. What evidence is there that Sami wants Dave to replace her father, but not replace him in the sense of being Eileen’s husband? Or perhaps did Sami have a romantic crush on him? 66, 69, 71 Sami stole his shirt. She calls them "shameless animals." Sami doesn't want to lose a father figure again. She tells Dave that he'll dump her mom.
7. On page 74, what suggests that Sami and her mother are trying to abate their complicated feelings (way too complicated) for Dave and want to vanquish him in order to save their relationship? How does this situation pertain to the story’s title? (competition for the same man? Guilt over that and their recently deceased father/husband? Both protective of each other’s feelings?)
8. Is “Choice” about choosing the lesser of two evils? Give a personal example. The mother will be "less happy" without her boyfriend but in this case happiness is not the issue. Preserving her relationship with her daughter is the issue. Maturity is being able to take "happiness" out of the equation when you have to. Maturity is knowing when to say "happiness is not relevant."
Perhaps the story's theme is that there is no such thing as "the right choice," which is a myth. All choices are messy, complicated thorny beasts sodden with the hideous and the horrible.
9. What fears does Eileen have?
She fears that she and Sami are competing for Dave, which will obviously compromise her relationship with her daughter.
She fears dating Dave disgraces her husband even though he is dead.
She fears that if Dave dumps her, she and her daughter will have to experience the devastating loss of a husband and father figure all over again.
Argumentative Thesis Examples for "Choice" As a Response to Previous Quiz
Some argue that Eileen should not reject Dave, that she is a prisoner of fear, hiding in an emotional prison affording too much protection. But in fact, Eileen made the right choice by rejecting Dave because, in spite of his friendly, helpful personality traits, he presents too much risk to both Eileen and her daughter. His first risk is that he is not anchored to anything. He is a lonely man without a sense of belonging and in this lonely state he is needy. Needy people make bad, compulsive decisions. It is likely that, as Sami predicted, he will eventually tire of his caretaker role, reject Eileen, and waste her time. The second risk he poses is that while he is a helpful presence in Eileen's househould, she has not gone through the grieving process enough to form a stable bond of intimacy with Dave. Finally, Dave is too young to know that he wants to settle down with an older woman who cannot bear him a child. He is fooling both himself, and Eileen, if he thinks otherwise. Taken in its totality, Eileen made the wise and prudent choice by suppressing her passions and expelling Dave from her life. Eileen's discipline shows conclusively that she is not a slave to irrational passions and that in fact she is free.
A Thesis That Counters the Above One
Whoever wrote that Dave presents Eileen a high risk is in grievious error. For one, Dave has been nothing but sincere in his intentions throughout the story. He has no tricks up his sleeve, no skullduggery whatsoever. Second, the idea that all men must be biological fathers is a gross generalization that has no bearing in scientific data or research. Finally, this notion that the possible breakup between Dave and Eileen would be a trauma tantamount to the mother and daughter re-experiencing the father's death all over again is utterly absurd. All of us face the risk of loss in a relationship. All of us are vulnerable. Eileen, and her daughter, are no different than the rest of us.
McMahon's Sample Introduction Transitioning to a Thesis About Free Will and Metacognition
Mario Alzone and I were teenagers when one hot summer night we ignored the No Trespassing sign, climbed over the gate of the swanky Tanglewood Apartments, and took a dip in the luxury swimming pool. Floating in the water was this oversized fluorescent orange bra. Alzone picked it up, studied the extra large cups lasciviously and then announced that he had forgotten to buy his sister a birthday present. I told him he was an idiot and laughed, assuming he wasn't serious.
But a few days later I attended his sister's birthday party and Mario presented her with this lurid orange bra, unwrapped, and she didn't even look surprised, apparently desensitized to her brother's troglodyte behavior.
Alzone’s judgment had always been skewed. He once sped a mini bike, lost control, and crashed through a church wall. Two days later he discovered he had broken his leg.
His employment history was sketchy. He never went to college, so he’d get these non-skill jobs: margarine and ketchup factories, slaughterhouses, Toys R Us . . . the list seemed endless.
One day I went with him to the unemployment office and I was disgusted by the nicotine-coated building, the unfriendly, ghoulish, brain-dead functionaries working behind the cracked plastic partitions and I realized my days with Alzone were near the end.
Metacognition kicked in: More self-aware than before, I got serious about my college studies, got off the academic probation list, and started earning straight As.
Should I pat myself on the back for my college success? I don't think so. My success wasn't based on any "choice" I had made. Rather, my motivation to succeed was no choice at all; it was a compulsion based on vanity, the need for a job that I could boast about at cocktail parties, and disgust for a life dependent on unskilled jobs.
I've never been someone possessed by free will. Rather, I am driven by hardwired impulses to be disgusted by a life of deadends, thankless jobs, and lowly status. In other words, my biological and psychological makeup compel me to embrace those things that will lift me higher up the Darwinian food chain.
Likewise, most of the characters in Ha Jin's stories don't appear to be endowed with any free will. Rather, they are driven by unconscious impulses, which include insane jealousy, cultural obligation, guilt, and curdled love gone bad.
MLA In-Text Citation Rules
Basics of MLA In-Text Citations on Purdue Owl
Common Student Writing Error: Sentence Fragments
Sentence Fragments on Purdue Owl
After each sentence, write C for complete or F for fragment sentence. If the sentence is a fragment, correct it so that it is a complete sentence.
One. While hovering over the complexity of a formidable math problem and wondering if he had time to solve the problem before his girlfriend called him to complain about the horrible birthday present he bought her.
Two. In spite of the boyfriend’s growing discontent for his girlfriend, a churlish woman prone to tantrums and grand bouts of petulance.
Three. My BMW 5 series, a serious entry into the luxury car market.
Four. Overcome with nausea from eating ten bowls of angel hair pasta slathered in pine nut garlic pesto.
Five. Winding quickly but safely up the treacherous Palos Verdes hills in the shrouded mist of a lazy June morning, I realized that my BMW gave me feelings of completeness and fulfillment.
Six. To attempt to grasp the profound ignorance of those who deny the compelling truths of science in favor of their pseudo-intellectual ideas about “dangerous” vaccines and the “myths” of global warming.
Seven. The girlfriend whom I lavished with exotic gifts from afar.
Eight. When my cravings for pesto pizza, babaganoush, and triple chocolate cake overcome me during my bouts of acute anxiety.
Nine. Inclined to stop watching sports in the face of my girlfriend’s insistence that I pay more attention to her, I am throwing away my TV.
Ten. At the dance club where I espy my girlfriend flirting with a stranger by the soda machine festooned with party balloons and tinsel.
Eleven. The BMW speeding ahead of me and winding into the misty hills.
Twelve. Before you convert to the religion of veganism in order to impress your vegan girlfriend.
Thirteen. Summoning all my strength to resist the giant chocolate fudge cake sweating on the plate before me.
McMahon Grammar Lesson: Mixed Structure
Mixed construction is when the sentence parts do not fit in terms of grammar or logic.
Once you establish a grammatical unit or pattern, you have to be consistent.
Example 1: The prepositional phrase followed by a verb
Faulty
For most people who suffer from learned helplessness double their risk of unemployment and living below the poverty line.
Corrected
For most people who suffer from learned helplessness, they find they will be twice as likely to face unemployment and poverty.
Faulty
In Ha Jin’s masterful short story collection renders the effects of learned helplessness.
Corrected
In Ha Jin’s masterful short story collection, we see the effects of learned helplessness.
Faulty
Depending on our method of travel and our destination determines how many suitcases we are allowed to pack.
Corrected
The number of suitcases we can pack is determined by our method of travel and our destination.
Mixed Structure 2: Using a verb after a dependent clause
Faulty
When Jeff Henderson is promoted to head chef without warning is very exciting.
Corrected
Being promoted to head chef without warning is very exciting for Jeff Henderson.
Mixed Structure 3: Mixing a subordinate conjunction with a coordinating conjunction
Faulty
Although Jeff Henderson is a man of great genius and intellect, but he misused his talents.
Corrected
Although Jeff Henderson is a man of great genius and intellect, he misused his talents.
Faulty
Even though Ellen heard French spoken all her life, yet she could not write it.
Corrected
Even though Ellen heard French spoken all her life, she could not write it.
Mixed Structure 4: The construction is so confusing you must throw it away and start all over.
Faulty
In the prison no-snitch code Jeff Henderson learns to recognize variations of the code rather than by its real application in which he learns to arrive at a more realistic view of the snitch code’s true nature.
Corrected
In prison Jeff Henderson discovered that the no-snitch code doesn’t really exist.
Faulty
Recurring bouts of depression among the avalanche survivors set a record for number patients admitted into mental hospitals.
Corrected
Recurring bouts of depression among avalanche survivors resulted in a large number of them being admitted into mental hospitals.
Mixed Structure 5: Faulty Predication: The subject and the predicate should make sense together.
Faulty
We decided that Jeff Henderson’s best interests would not be well served staying in prison.
Corrected
We decided that Jeff Henderson would not be well served staying in prison.
Faulty
Using a gas mask is a precaution now worn by firemen.
Corrected
Firemen wear gas masks as a precaution against smoke inhalation.
Faulty
Early diagnosis of prostrate cancer is often curable.
Corrected
Early diagnosis of prostrate cancer is essential for successful treatment.
Mixed Structure 6: Faulty Apposition: The appositive and the noun to which it refers should be logically equivalent.
Faulty
The gourmet chef, a very lucrative field, requires at least 10,000 hours of practice.
Corrected
Gourmet cooking, a very lucrative field, requires at least 10,000 hours of practice.
Mixed Structure 7: Incorrect use of the “is when,” “is where,” and “is because” construction
College instructors discourage “is when,” “is where,” and most commonly “is because” constructions because they violate logic.
Faulty
Bipolar disorder is when people suffer dangerous mood swings.
Corrected
Bipolar disorder is often recognized by dangerous mood swings.
Faulty
A torn rotator cuff is where you feel this intense pain in your shoulder that won’t go away.
Corrected
A torn rotator cuff causes chronic pain in your shoulder.
Faulty
The reason I write so many comma splices is because the complete sentences feel logically related to each other.
Corrected
I write so many comma splices because the complete sentences feel logically related to each other.
Faulty
The reason I ate the whole pizza is because my family was a half hour late from coming home to the park and I couldn’t wait any longer.
Corrected
I ate the entire pizza because I’m a glutton.
In-class exercise: Write a sample of the seven mixed structure types and show a corrected version of it:
One. Verb after a prepositional phrase
Two. Verb after a dependent clause
Three. Mixing a subordinating conjunction (Whenever, when, although, though, to name some) with a coordinate conjunction (for, and, nor, but, or, yet, so)
Four. The sentence is so confusing you have to start over.
Five. Faulty predication
Six: Faulty apposition
Seven. Incorrect use of the “is when,” “is where,” and “is because” construction
"A Composer and His Parakeet"
1. Why do couples settle into a relationship based on lies?
You can say people are blind or they choose to blind because it's easier to be deluded on a certain level. Of course, it's really not easier.
Blindness is easier than dealing with real frustration. Often people "fall in love" to distract themselves from the fact that there is no love in their life, which makes their situation worse.
It could be argued that Fanlin and his girlfriend Supriya are both saddled down by some rather heavy delusions. What are they? Think of the musical score, The Blind Musician. Both are blind; therefore, they can never be free.
Or one can argue they are free to assert their will to be blind.
Or one can argue their blindness is not chosen; it's an unconcious impulse. I tend to agree with the first argument.
The crux of the matter:
Fanlin is blinded by his own neediness, which compels him to commit to a vain person who is not willing to offer him reciprocity. In spite of being in a relationship, Fanlin is lonely and bonds with a bird more than his own girlfriend.
Fanlin is afraid of the "A" word: alone, so he settles for a BS relationship.
Supriya is too vain to acknowledge that she is using Fanlin as her lackey or servant to groom her career.
They're both using each other in an unhealthy way.
In America, we would say that Supriya is shillyshallying or dillydallying or lollygagging until someone better comes along. She shows contempt for her boyfriend, which means she must have contempt for herself.
Perhaps I'm being pessimistic, but is Supriya really on the verge of a breakthrough in her acting career or is she, like most actors, doomed to a life of small bits here and there?
Perhaps her needy boyfriend is willing to massage her delusions and reinforce their symbiotic relationship so he doesn't have to confront "A."
2. The relationship between Fanlin and Bori casts light on Fanlin’s relationship with Supriya. Explain.
Story's Major Theme:
Life is what happens while you’re waiting for the grand moments that never come; closer to Bori; farther from Supriya. In other words, there is no real life with Supriya; it's just a dream, a life that will always come later. He's waiting for that life to come with Supriya, but it never will come. His real life is in the here and now and it's with Bori.
3. How is Supriya using Fanlin? She is blind to the fact that she uses her boyfriend, that she doesn't love him and therefore doesn't love herself, and that she has a zero acting career. See 12 and 13. She won't marry him and settle down. She's dilly-dallying until someone better comes along?
4. What evidence is there that Fanlin and the bird are bonding? (blister, travel companion, etc). Most importantly, see 23, the change in the second half of Fanlin’s music score, more depth, melancholy, beauty in the face of the death of his beloved bird.
Thesis Samples
Freedom is rare in Ha Jin's stories but when characters do become free, they do so because of the cultivation of the Third Eye which is evidenced by _______________, ______________, ________________, and __________________.
An acknowledgement of Einstein's Insanity Rule
Letting go of the ego
Letting go of selfishness
Letting go of fear
Deciding to no longer play the role of a helpless victim; in essence deciding to fight against the condition of learned helplessness.
Free Will and Determinism in Ha Jin's Stories
"The Beauty" : no free will; Dan is driven by jealousy. Dan becomes more and more odious and disgusting as the story progresses. He becomes a more intense version of his already lame self. He is what we call a centripetal character.
"Temporary Love": no free will; Lina is driven by a sense of guilt and duty; Panbin is overcome by curdled love that leads to bitterness and nihilism.
"A Composer and His Parakeets":
There is free will in a subtle way. Fanlin slowly lets go of his denial about Supriya's lack of love for him and undergoes the slow, arduous journey toward acceptance rendered in his melancholy musical composition.
Fanlin has grown as a person; thus we can say he is a centrifugal character.
"Choice": There is free will: Eileen cuts short her passionate affair with Dave because it's destroying her relationship with her daughter. Eileen ultimately asserts discipline and self-denial in the face of temptation for the sake of her daughter.
For your essay you must develop a thesis, perhaps an argument, about the topic of freedom as it pertains to Ha Jin's stories.
McMahon argues, in part, that freedom is an illusion. We are in fact motivated by things we cannot control such as fear, vanity, disgust, hunger for social status, the desire to be superior to others, greed, avoiding family shame and rejection, desire to please others, desire to conform to culture and/or family.
Now if you don't have the above motivations, what happens to you? You become lazy. You have no motivation.
McMahon has a problem. His list of motivations is only only bad motivations. Did McMahon have an agenda? Yes, McMahon was being dishonest. He was hiding good motivations in order to support an argument and to persuade you to "his side."
In reality, however, McMahon was tricking you, showing you how easily you can be manipulated and deceived.
What does McMahon really believe? Ninety-nine percent of us have no freedom. We are indeed driven by the above stated motivations.
However, if you look at history's heroes like Ghandi, Martin Luther King, Malcolm X, what you'll find is that success, meaning, courage, nobility, heroism can be found without being slaves to our lower passions. A few people are free and they always want to free the rest of us.
Grammar Review
Subject-Verb Agreement on Purdue Owl
McMahon Grammar Exercise: Identifying Phrases, Independent Clauses, and Dependent Clauses
Identify the group of words in bold type as phrase, independent clause, or dependent clause.
One. Toward the monster’s palace, we see a white marble fountain jettisoning chocolate fudge all over the other giants.
Two. Before going to school, Gerard likes to make sure he’s packed his chocolate chip cookies and bagels.
Three. Because Jack’s love of eating pizza every night cannot be stopped, he finds his cardio workouts to be rather worthless.
Four. Maria finds the Lexus preferable to the BMW because of the Lexus’ lower repair costs.
Five. Greg does not drive at night because he suffers from poor nocturnal eyesight.
Six. Whenever Greg drives past HomeTown Buffet, he is overcome with depression and nausea.
Seven. People who eat at Cinnabon, according to Louis C.K., always look miserable over their poor life decisions.
Eight. After eating at Cinnabon and HomeTown Buffet, Gary has to eat a bottle of antacids.
Nine. Towards the end of the date, Gary decided to ask Maria if she’d care for another visit to HomeTown Buffet.
Ten. Whenever Maria is in the presence of a gluttonous gentleman, she withdraws into her shell.
Eleven. Greg watched Maria recoil into her shell while biting her nails.
Twelve. Greg watched Maria recoil into her private universe while she bit her nails.
Thirteen. Eating at all-you-can-eat buffets will expand the circumference of your waistline.
Fourteen. Larding your essay with grammatical errors will result in a low grade.
Fifteen. My favorite pastime is larding my essay with grammatical errors.
Sixteen. Larding my body with chocolate chunk peanut butter cookies followed by several gallons of milk, I wondered if I should skip dinner that evening.
Seventeen. After contemplating the benefits of going on a variation of the Paleo diet, I decided I was at peace being a fat man with a strong resemblance to the Pillsbury Dough Boy.
Eighteen. In the 1970s few people would consider eating bugs as their main source of protein although today world-wide food shortages have compelled a far greater percentage of the human race to entertain this unpleasant possibility.
Nineteen. Because of increased shortages in worldwide animal protein, more and more people are looking to crickets, grasshoppers, and grubs as possible complete protein amino acid alternatives.
Twenty. The percentage of people getting married in recent years has significantly declined as an economic malaise has deflated confidence in the viability of sustaining a long-term marriage.
Twenty-one. Before you decide to marry someone, consider two things: your temperament and your economic prospects.
Twenty-two. To understand the pitfalls of getting married prematurely is to embark on the road to greater wisdom.
Twenty-three. To know me is to love me.
Twenty-four. To languish in the malignant juices of self-pity after breaking up with your girlfriend is to fall down the rabbit hole of moral dissolution and narcissism.
Twenty-five. Having considered the inevitable disappointment of being rich, I decided not to rob a bank.
Twenty-six. Watching TV on a sticky vinyl sofa all day, I noticed I was developing bedsores.
Twenty-seven. While I watched TV for twenty consecutive hours, I began to wonder if life was passing me by.
Twenty-eight. Under the bridge where a swarm of mosquitos gathered, the giant belched.
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