The purpose of a writing class is to develop a meaningful thesis, direct or implied, that will generate a compelling essay. Most importantly, a meaningful thesis will have a strong emotional connection between you and the material. In fact, if you don’t have a “fire in your belly” to write the paper, your essay will be nothing more than a limp document, a perfunctory exercise in futility. A successful thesis will also be intellectually challenging and afford a complexity worthy of college-level writing. Thirdly, the successful thesis will be demonstrable, which means it can be supported by examples and illustrations in a recognizable organizational design.
Other Website: http://herculodge.typepad.com/
One. What is dangerous about being able to access stimulation at the swipe of a finger?
The sense of entitlement, impatience, and delusional omnipotence (resulting in fussiness) could point to a transformation into a brat generation.
Another danger is parent laziness syndrome. "Give them the iPad. That'll shut 'em up."
What really speaks to the danger of screen time is that the very apps developers Rosin talks to limit their own children's screen time. Some allow for no screen time.
Two. What is the technological neurosis of our digital age?
We read, "By their pinched reactions, these parents illuminated for me the neurosis of our age: as technology becomes ubiquitous in our lives, American parents are becoming more, not less, wary of what it might be doing to their children."
Parents want their children to master technology. However, they don't want their children to be anti-social: "Otherwise, their child could end up one of those sad, pale creatures who can't make eye contact and has an avatar for a girlfriend."
Part of the fear lies in the unknown. The iPad is so new as of Rosin's essay (published in 2013) that there is not yet any research on its effects on a child's brain.
The new generation are "digital natives"; they grow up fluent in the language of computers, tablets and other devices.
The tablet is a "rattle on steroids," easy to use and quickly sucks the toddler into its world.
Parents are terrified by the transformation they see in their children: "the zombie effect." They go into a trance.
Three. What counterarguments would opponents offer to those who are opposed to iPads?
For one, "Every new medium has, within a short time of its introduction, been condemned as a threat to young people. Pulp novels . . . TV . . ."
For two, if your child has an addictive personality, he may glom onto anything, if not the iPad.
For three, there is evidence that the iPad is an effective educational tool.
For four, too many parents treat the iPad like "junk food," using it "for passing the time in a frivolous way . . ." and the children "will fully absorb that attitude, and the neurosis will be passed to the next generation to the next generation." In other words, the parents, not the iPad, are at fault.
"Digital Detox, a Tech-Free Retreat for Internet Addicts" by Claire Suddath
One. Does the "constant compulsion to connect" merit something like a "digital detox"?
Even if it works, what happens once we're thrust back into our normal routine? Seems like technology won. It owns us. Eighty percent of us text. Even I do so three times a week or so.
Another criticism I have about "digital detox" is it sounds like first-world problems, that is rich people problems. "Honey, I've just been too connected with my social media. I think I'll fly to Costa Rica and unplug and do yoga at this retreat."
In-Class Activity
Write a thesis with a concession clause at the beginning.
Sample Template of a Concession Clause Followed by a Thesis Statement
While I concede that my opponents make strong arguments about___________ and _________, their arguments do not diminish my contention that _____________ evidenced by _______________, _______________, _____________, and ________________.
Another example:
While my opponents have some worthy points about ____________, their argument collapses when we consider _______________, ______________, ______________, and ___________________.
Using Parallel Structure for Mapping Components of Your Thesis Statement
The theater eaters were hoggish, avaricious, relentless, and made lots of disgusting smacking sounds.
A diet that consists of locally grown vegetables, organic animal proteins, organic dairy, and fish that swim wildly in the open seas promotes strong health.
The diners at HomeTown Buffet smacked their lips and were sweating.
The HomeTown Buffet diners were pleased about the unlimited salad bar and that everyone got five extra slices of chocolate cake.
Corrected: The HomeTown Buffet diners were pleased that they had access to the unlimited salad bar and that they could have five extra slices of chocolate cake.
When it comes to losing weight, it's better to change one's lifestyle than dieting in a manic and compulsive panic.
Corrected: When it comes to losing weight, it's better to change one's lifestyle than to rely on manic, compulsive crash dieting.
We read that Generation Wi-Fi, or specifically college students, today "are 40 percent less empathetic than they were in 1979, with the steepest decline coming in the last 10 years."
This lack of empathy results in the following:
A cold heart
No sympathy or compassion for those who suffer
No concern for others' misfortunes
Two. Why should we be concerned about the empathy deficit?
Cultures who score low on empathy, such as Moldova, score low on the Happiness Index. In Moldova, a common saying, we read in Eric Weiner's The Geography of Bliss, is "not my problem." No one wants to live there.
There is no agreement or definitive definition. We know it’s about reading other people’s emotion and feeling their emotion and this shared feeling gives us connection with others. This connection in turn results in greater compassion.
We also read that when we have empathy we can read other people’s distress signals and we feel compelled to react compassionately toward those signals.
Four. What is the relationship between narcissism and empathy?
As narcissism increases (through privilege, entitlement, false self-esteem, wealth, or other causes), empathy decreases.
Narcissism is defined as “increased self-absorption” in the essay.
Someone once defined narcissism this way: On one hand the narcissist has this unlimited craving for the adulation of others; on the other hand, this same narcissist has utter contempt for others. The contradiction of the narcissist speaks to his insanity.
Five. According to college surveys, what is the state of empathy?
Analyzing 72 surveys, researchers found that empathy was flat from 1979-2000. Then around 2000, “there’s this sudden, sharp drop.”
A specific type of empathy, called empathic concern (how much one cares about others), dropped 48 percent between 1979 and 2009.
Six. What cultural changes have accompanied this dramatic drop in empathy?
The rise of video games, 24-hour cable television, widespread divorce, laptops and cellphones have created an insular world where people withdraw more and more into themselves and what David Brooks calls “The Big Me.”
With news overload coming at us on social media, cellphones, and 24-hour cable TV, we read that we suffer a sort of tragic news overload in which one world catastrophe bleeds into the next until we become numb and our empathy traits die off in a sort of gangrene or frostbite.
One. How is Snapchat a radical departure from photography?
We read that photography has always suggested permanence and immortality (“the form that endures”), but that is no more with the ephemeral (transitory) images of Snapchat.
Snapchat says you don’t need permanent photos: “It rejects the burden of creating durable proof that you are here and you did that.”
Two. What is worrisome about the digital age of “visual oversaturation”?
We read that Michael Sacasas worries that “digital photography and sites like Facebook have brought us to an age of memory abundance. The paradoxical consequence of this development will be the progressive devaluing of such memories and severing of the past’s hold on the present. Gigabytes and terabytes of digital memories will not make us care more about those memories, [sic] they will makes us care less.”
In other words, if we’re bombarded with family photos on Facebook and other “meaningful” images all the time, we eventually become numb so that nothing feels meaningful.
Types of Arguments
(I've adapted these ideas from Chapter 3 of How to Write Anything by John J. Ruszkiewicz.)
Know what kind of argument you are writing:
Argument to advance a thesis:
You argue for a thesis as you champion an idea or a cause.
For example, you might argue for eating steamed vegetables three times a day and provide the many benefits of employing such a practice.
Another example would be a writer who argues that the Paleo diet is the most effective way to maintain lean muscle mass.
Another example would be for a writer to argue for water rationing and triple water bills for homeowners who go over their water threshold.
Refutation argument:
You refute an already existing argument or practice, showing point by point why the argument is weak, precarious, or even fallacious (fallacy-laden).
For example, you might refute Civil War reenactments on the grounds that they are white male fantasies based on the infantile hunger for nostalgia, the toxic Kool-Aid of White Supremacy, and the denial of moral accountability for the evils of slavery.
In your refutation, you paint Civil War reenactments as a grotesque pageantry akin to a racist Disneyworld where are all the actors are white and black history has been erased because "it would be too disturbing" to the bogus, idealized world inhabited by the emotionally-arrested aspirants of "the good old Confederate days" and their other shameless displays of morally-bankrupt tomfoolery.
Once you decide on your argument or claim, you must consider finding compelling reasons to support your claim.
Support Your Claim
Without support consisting of data, statistics, reasoning, logic, and refutations to counterarguments, your opinion exists in an abyss or a vacuum. You must develop a considered or educated opinion, which is the result of fearlessly studying the pros and cons of your subject in which you try to minimize your prejudices, biases, and other emotional baggage that might blind you from the truth.
Understand Opposing Claims and Points of View
You don't have an educated or considered opinion until you have been tested by your opponents' strongest arguments. If you can refute those arguments, then you can continue with your claim.
You will also gain credibility with your readers for showing your understanding of your opponents' views.
You will gain even more credibility when you can refute your opponents with assured insouciance rather than infantile hostility. Also choose polite insouciance over hostility as the former is a sign of intellectual superiority; the latter is a sign of juvenile fear and inexperience.
Give Appropriate Sartorial (Clothing Style) Splendor (Writing Style) to Your Arguments
Your argument is the "body" of the essay. Your writing style is the fashion or sartorial choice you make in order to "dress up" your argument and give it power, moxie, and elan (passion).
Here is the same claim dressed up differently in the following two thesis statements:
Plain
Civil War reenactments are racist gibberish that need to go once and for all.
More Dressed Up
Our moral offense to civil war reenactments rests on our understanding that the participants are engaging in nostalgia for the days when the toxic religion of white supremacy ruled the day, that the participants gleefully and childishly erase black history to the detriment of truth, and that on a larger scale, they engage in the mythical revisionism of the Confederacy narratives, hiding its barbaric practices by esteeming racist thugs as if they were innocent and venerable Disney heroes. Their sham is so morally egregious and spiritually bankrupt that to examine its folly in all its shameless variations compels us to abolish the sordid practice without equivocation.
Plain
We need to stop blaming the poor for their poverty.
More Dressed Up
The idea that the rich are wealthy because of their superior moral character and that the poor live in poverty because of their inferior moral character is a glaring absurdity rooted in willful ignorance, the blind worship of money, and an irrational fear of poverty as if it were some kind of contagious disease.
Qualify Your Thesis to Make It More Persuasive and Reasonable
Qualifiers such as the following will make your thesis more bullet-proof from your opponents:
some
most
a few
often
under certain conditions
when necessary
occasionally
Example:
Under most conditions, narcotics should be legalized in order to decrease crime, increase rehabilitation, and decrease unnecessary incarceration.
Examine Your Core Assumptions
Assumptions are the principles and values upon which we base our beliefs and actions.
Claim
Under most conditions, narcotics should be legalized in order to decrease crime, increase rehabilitation, and decrease unnecessary incarceration.
Assumption
Treating drug use as a medical problem that requires rehabilitation is morally superior to relying on incarceration. Some may disagree with this assumption, so the writer will have to defend her assumption at some point in her essay.
Notice the link, which is from a community college, is riddled with grammar errors. We all make mistakes from time to time, especially on the Internet, but a pattern of errors is disturbing indeed.
Writing Your Annotated Bibliography
Your annotated bibliography is your MLA Works Cited page with additional information beneath each entry.
This information is written in paragraph form and addresses the following:
One. How does the cited material support my thesis?
Two. What are the credentials of the author? Do they meet the specs for credibility and thoroughness?
Three. What are the credentials of the publisher or sponsor? Are they legitimate or biased?
Four. What is the date of publication? Is it recent enough to be credible?
Five. What is the source's point of view or stance?
This course is designed to strengthen the students’ ability to read with understanding and discernment, to discuss assigned readings intelligently, and to write clearly. Emphasis will be on writing essays in which each paragraph relates to a controlling idea, has an introduction and a conclusion, and contains primary and secondary support. College-level reading material will be assigned to provide the stimulus for class discussion and writing assignments, including a required research paper.
Course Objectives:
1. Recognize and revise sentence-level grammar and usage errors.
2. Read and apply critical-thinking skills to numerous published articles and to college-level, book-length works for the purpose of writing and discussion.
3. Apply appropriate strategies in the writing process including prewriting, composing, revising, and editing techniques.
4. Compose multi-paragraph, thesis-driven essays with logical and appropriate supporting ideas, and with unity and coherence.
5. Demonstrate ability to locate and utilize a variety of academic databases, peer-reviewed journals, and scholarly websites.
6. Utilize MLA guidelines to format essays, cite sources in the texts of essays, and compile Works Cited lists.
Student Learning Outcomes:
Upon completion of this course, students will:
1. Complete a research-based essay that has been written out of class and undergone revision. It should demonstrate the student’s ability to thoughtfully support a single thesis using analysis and synthesis.
2. Integrate multiple sources, including a book-length work and a variety of academic databases, peer-reviewed journals, and scholarly websites. Citations must be in MLA format and include a Works Cited page.
3. Demonstrate logical paragraph composition and sentence structure. The essay should have correct grammar, spelling, and word use.
Students with Disabilities:
It is the policy of the El Camino Community College District to encourage full inclusion of people with disabilities in all programs and services. Students with disabilities who believe they may need accommodations in this class should contact the campus Special Resource Center (310) 660-3295, as soon as possible. This will ensure that students are able to fully participate.
Academic Honesty and Plagiarism:
El Camino College places a high value on the integrity of its student scholars. When an instructor determines that there is evidence of dishonesty in any academic work (including, but not limited to cheating, plagiarism, or theft of exam materials), disciplinary action appropriate to the misconduct as defined in BP 5500 may be taken. A failing grade on an assignment in which academic dishonesty has occurred and suspension from class are among the disciplinary actions for academic dishonesty (AP 5520). Students with any questions about the Academic Honesty or discipline policies are encouraged to speak with their instructor in advance.
Attendance Policy: Students are expected to attend their classes regularly. Students who miss the first class meeting or who are not in regular attendance during the add period for the class may be dropped by the instructor. Students whose absences from a class exceed 10% of the scheduled class meeting times may be dropped by the instructor. However, students are responsible for dropping a class within the deadlines published in the class schedule. Students who stop attending but do not drop may receive a failing grade.
Student Resources:
Reading Success Center (East Library Basement E-36) Software and tutors are available for vocabulary development & reading comprehension.
Library Media Technology Center - LMTC (East Library Basement) Computers are available for free use. Bring your student ID # & flash drive. There’s a charge for printing.
Writing Center (H122) Computers are available for free use. Free tutoring is available for writing assignments, grammar, and vocabulary. Bring your student ID & flash drive to save work. Printing is NOT available.
Learning Resource Center - LRC (West Wing of the Library, 2nd floor) The LRC Tutorial Program offers free drop-in tutoring. For the tutoring schedule, go to www.elcamino.edu/library/lrc/tutoring .The LRC also offers individualized computer adaptive programs to help build your reading comprehension skills.
Student Health Center (Next to the Pool) The Health Center offers free medical and psychological services as well as free workshops on topics like “test anxiety.” Low cost medical testing is also available.
Special Resource Center – SRC (Southwest Wing of Student Services Building)
The SRC provides free disability services, including interpreters, testing accommodations, counseling, and adaptive computer technology.
Total Words Written in Semester:8,000
Three In-Class Essays, 500 words, 75 points each, 225 points total
Night Essay 1 is 1,000 words and based on evaluation, literary analysis, or argument for 100 points
Acting Out Culture Essay 2 is 1,000 words and based on Chapters 1 and 2 based on causal analysis, extended definition, or argument
Acting Out Culture Essay 3 is 1,000 words and based on Chapters 3 and 4 based on causal analysis, extended definition, or argument
Acting Out Culture Essay 4 is 1,000 words and based on Chapter 5 based on causal analysis, extended definition, or argument
Rough Draft for Final is the essay's first 1,000 words (of 1,500) Failure to bring the rough draft to peer edit class day results in 25-point deduction from essay.
Final Argumentative, 1,500-Word Research Paper (approx. 5 pages) 150 points
Attendance
Gold Standard: You miss one class or less; you are tardy once or less, and you show up to class prepared to discuss the readings because you are keeping up with the readings. 50 points.
Silver Standard: You miss two classes; you are tardy once or less, and you show up to class and show evidence of keeping up with the readings. 40 points.
Bronze Standard: You miss three classes; you are tardy once or less, and you show up to class and show evidence of keeping up with the readings. 30 points.
Students who miss more than 3 classes and/or consistently show up to class without doing the reading get ZERO attendance points.
Grand Point Total: 825
Late papers reduced a full grade. No late papers accepted a week past due date.
You Must Use turnitin to submit essay and bring hard copy on due date
Each essay must be submitted to www.turnitin.com where it will be checked for illegal copying/plagiarism. I cannot give credit for an essay that is not submitted to this site by the deadline.
The process is very simple; if you need help, detailed instructions are available at http://turnitin.com/en_us/training/student-training/student-quickstart-guide
You will need two pieces of information to use the site:
Class ID and Enrollment Password, which I will give you first week of class
Classroom Decorum: No smart phones can be used in class. If you’re on your smart phone and I catch you, you get a warning the first time. Second time, you must leave the class and lose 25 points. Third time, you must leave the class and lose 50 points. The above also applies to talking and doing homework from other classes.
Books You Need to Buy for This Class
Book One: Acting Out Culture, third edition, James S. Miller
Book Two: Night by Elie Wiesel
Book Three: How to Write Anything: A Guide and Reference, by John J. Ruszkiewicz
Final Research Paper: Chapter 6: How We Connect
The essays in Chapter 6 address the alleged pathologies resulting from social media. These pathologies include an empathy deficit, narcissism, shortened attention span, online shaming, and even altered brain development.
In an argumentative essay, support, refute, or complicate the assertion that social media is harmful for our social, cultural and intellectual development. Be sure to address at least two essays from Chapter 6. One of the essays can be used as a source. You will need at least 4 other sources for a total of 5 sources.
The general prompt above has many variations in our text Acting Out Culture. Specific variations can be found on page 452, prompt 6; page 457, prompt 6; page 461, prompt 6; page 469, prompts 5 and 6; page 477, prompt 6; page 499, prompt 6; and page 503, prompt 6. You can formulate your thesis on one of these specific prompts or use the more general prompt above.
Your guidelines for your Final Research Paper are as follows:
This research paper should present a thesis that is specific, manageable, provable, and contestable—in other words, the thesis should offer a clear position, stand, or opinion that will be proven with research.
You should analyze and prove your thesis using examples and quotes from a variety of sources.
You need to research and cite from at least five sources. You must use at least 3 different types of sources.
At least one source must be from an ECC library database.
At least one source must be a book, anthology or textbook.
At least one source must be from a credible website, appropriate for academic use.
The paper should not over-rely on one main source for most of the information. Rather, it should use multiple sources and synthesize the information found in them.
This paper will be approximately 5-7 pages in length, not including the Works Cited page, which is also required. This means at least 5 full pages of text. The Works Cited page does NOT count towards length requirement.
You must use MLA format for the document, in-text citations, and Works Cited page.
You must integrate quotations and paraphrases using signal phrases and analysis or commentary.
You must sustain your argument, use transitions effectively, and use correct grammar, spelling, and punctuation.
Your paper must be logically organized and focused.
Reading and Writing Schedule
8-24 Introduction, Night Lecture 1
8-26 Night Lecture 2; HTWA 100-118
8-31 Night Lecture 3; HTWA 184-205; 252-257
9-2 Night In-Class Essay of 500 words in bluebook for 75 points.
There are old hangouts in Redondo Beach where generations of the same people frequent the same eating establishments. This isn’t new but it is localism.
It appears the author’s observation is somewhat obvious and self-evident: “the longer people stay in their homes and communities, the more they identify with those places, and the greater their commitment to helping local businesses and institutions thrive, even in a downturn.”
Less obvious is Kotkin’s observation that Americans are less nomadic (moving from one part of the country to another, sometimes for climbing the professional ladder) and are staying in one place. As Kotkin writes, “In 2008, the total number of people changing residences was less than those who did so in 1962, when the country had 120 million fewer people.”
If you settle into a community with good schools, for example, there is little motivation to move.
Two. How is the essay a defense of social media and the Digital Age?
Because of online work, people can work at home, which allows for more geographic choice.
We’re also saving on transportation costs, which translates into greater productivity.
These home-based workers will be a large part of localism.
Sample Refutation Thesis
While I concede that there is convincing research about the way social media can have a "zombie effect" on those who overuse it, social media produces advantages for champion human culture that outweigh its dangers evidenced by _____________, _________________, _______________, ____________________, and ___________________.
Sample Thesis That Disagrees with Above
While I concede that social media champions human culture in many amazing ways, its dangerous far outweigh its advantages when we consider __________________, _________________, _________________, and ___________________.
Thesis That Disagrees with Both Thesis Statements Above
It's lame to argue for or against social media. It's here to stay. The real question is are there safeguards we can implement to minimize the very real dangers of social media, and the answer is no because ___________________, _______________, _______________, and __________________.
"Won't You Be My Neighbor" by Peter Lovenheim
One. How does Lovenheim introduce his essay and how effective is his introduction? Explain.
He writes about sleeping over at an 81-year-old widower's house and how his daughter thins he's crazy. Later in the essay, we learn that Lovenheim knocked on random neighbors' doors and requested to sleepover. More than half of the 18 neighbors he approached said yes to his request.
Most likely, I would have said no. I don't know what this says about me, but I tend to prefer my privacy in these matters.
Then he describes the tragedy of a husband who killed his wife while the two middle-school age kids ran into the street screaming. The impact of the loss was minimal because the neighbors didn't have strong bonds.
I found myself not caring that much about how neighborhoods don't have strong bonds and maybe I should care.
Many of us perhaps associate "bonds" with time commitments and many of us, myself included, feel we don't have time for neighborly socializing, which creates social capital.
We read that from 1974-1998 neighborly social interactions defined by a shared evening fell by one-third. He then points out that Robert Putman, author of Bowling Alone, observes that neighborly ties today are less than half of what they were 50 years ago.
Sample Thesis
We can glean from both Kotkin's and Lovenheim's essays that social media is not the culprit of the various social pathologies McMahon has discussed in class. In fact, the real culprits of these pathologies are ________________, _________________, _______________, ___________________, and ____________________.
Types of Arguments
(I've adapted these ideas from Chapter 3 of How to Write Anything by John J. Ruszkiewicz.)
Know what kind of argument you are writing:
Argument to advance a thesis:
You argue for a thesis as you champion an idea or a cause.
For example, you might argue for eating steamed vegetables three times a day and provide the many benefits of employing such a practice.
Another example would be a writer who argues that the Paleo diet is the most effective way to maintain lean muscle mass.
Another example would be for a writer to argue for water rationing and triple water bills for homeowners who go over their water threshold.
Refutation argument:
You refute an already existing argument or practice, showing point by point why the argument is weak, precarious, or even fallacious (fallacy-laden).
For example, you might refute Civil War reenactments on the grounds that they are white male fantasies based on the infantile hunger for nostalgia, the toxic Kool-Aid of White Supremacy, and the denial of moral accountability for the evils of slavery.
In your refutation, you paint Civil War reenactments as a grotesque pageantry akin to a racist Disneyworld where are all the actors are white and black history has been erased because "it would be too disturbing" to the bogus, idealized world inhabited by the emotionally-arrested aspirants of "the good old Confederate days" and their other shameless displays of morally-bankrupt tomfoolery.
Once you decide on your argument or claim, you must consider finding compelling reasons to support your claim.
Support Your Claim
Without support consisting of data, statistics, reasoning, logic, and refutations to counterarguments, your opinion exists in an abyss or a vacuum. You must develop a considered or educated opinion, which is the result of fearlessly studying the pros and cons of your subject in which you try to minimize your prejudices, biases, and other emotional baggage that might blind you from the truth.
Understand Opposing Claims and Points of View
You don't have an educated or considered opinion until you have been tested by your opponents' strongest arguments. If you can refute those arguments, then you can continue with your claim.
You will also gain credibility with your readers for showing your understanding of your opponents' views.
You will gain even more credibility when you can refute your opponents with assured insouciance rather than infantile hostility. Also choose polite insouciance over hostility as the former is a sign of intellectual superiority; the latter is a sign of juvenile fear and inexperience.
Give Appropriate Sartorial Splendor (Writing Style) to Your Arguments
Your argument is the "body" of the essay. Your writing style is the fashion or sartorial choice you make in order to "dress up" your argument and give it power, moxie, and elan. In other words, you infuse the spirit of passion into the style of language you use.
Here is the same claim dressed up differently in the following two thesis statements:
Plain
Civil War reenactments are racist gibberish that need to go once and for all.
More Dressed Up
Our moral offense to civil war reenactments rests on our understanding that the participants are engaging in nostalgia for the days when the toxic religion of white supremacy ruled the day, that the participants gleefully and childishly erase black history to the detriment of truth, and that on a larger scale, they engage in the mythical revisionism of the Confederacy narratives, hiding its barbaric practices by esteeming racist thugs as if they were innocent and venerable Disney heroes. Their sham is so morally egregious and spiritually bankrupt that to examine its folly in all its shameless variations compels us to abolish the sordid practice without equivocation.
Plain
We need to stop blaming the poor for their poverty.
More Dressed Up
The idea that the rich are wealthy because of their superior moral character and that the poor live in poverty because of their inferior moral character is a glaring absurdity rooted in willful ignorance, the blind worship of money, and an irrational fear of poverty as if it were some kind of contagious disease.
Qualify Your Thesis to Make It More Persuasive and Reasonable
Qualifiers such as the following will make your thesis more bullet-proof from your opponents:
some
most,
a few
often
under certain conditions
when necessary
occasionally
Example:
Under most conditions, narcotics should be legalized in order to decrease crime, increase rehabilitation, and decrease unnecessary incarceration.
Examine Your Core Assumptions
Assumptions are the principles and values upon which we base our beliefs and actions.
Claim
Under most conditions, narcotics should be legalized in order to decrease crime, increase rehabilitation, and decrease unnecessary incarceration.
Assumption
Treating drug use as a medical problem that requires rehabilitation is morally superior to relying on incarceration. Some may disagree with this assumption, so the writer will have to defend her assumption at some point in her essay.
Notice the link, which is from a community college, is riddled with grammar errors. We all make mistakes from time to time, especially on the Internet, but a pattern of errors is disturbing indeed.
“The Quagmire of Social Media Friendships” and “Open and Closed”
Final Essay
The essays in Chapter 6 address the alleged pathologies resulting from social media. These pathologies include an empathy deficit, narcissism, shortened attention span, online shaming, and even altered brain development. In an argumentative essay, support, refute, or complicate the assertion that social media is harmful for our social, cultural and intellectual development.
Be sure to address at least two essays from Chapter 6. One of the essays can be used as a source. You will need at least 4 other sources for a total of 5 sources.
The general prompt above has many variations in our text Acting Out Culture. Specific variations can be found on page 452, prompt 6; page 457, prompt 6; page 461, prompt 6; page 469, prompts 5 and 6; page 477, prompt 6; page 499, prompt 6; and page 503, prompt 6. You can formulate your thesis on one of these specific prompts or use the more general prompt above.
Your guidelines for your Final Research Paper are as follows:
This research paper should present a thesis that is specific, manageable, provable, and contestable—in other words, the thesis should offer a clear position, stand, or opinion that will be proven with research.
You should analyze and prove your thesis using examples and quotes from a variety of sources.
You need to research and cite from at least five sources. You must use at least 3 different types of sources.
At least one source must be from an ECC library database.
At least one source must be a book, anthology or textbook.
At least one source must be from a credible website, appropriate for academic use.
The paper should not over-rely on one main source for most of the information. Rather, it should use multiple sources and synthesize the information found in them.
This paper will be approximately 5-7 pages in length, not including the Works Cited page, which is also required. This means at least 5 full pages of text. The Works Cited page does NOT count towards length requirement.
You must use MLA format for the document, in-text citations, and Works Cited page.
You must integrate quotations and paraphrases using signal phrases and analysis or commentary.
You must sustain your argument, use transitions effectively, and use correct grammar, spelling, and punctuation.
Your paper must be logically organized and focused.
On EBSCO Master Premier I looked up some sample searches:
"facebook depression"
"Internet attention span"
"social media empathy deficit"
"facebook loneliness"
Here are the steps you take to use El Camino database:
One. Go on El Camino College website.
Two. Click on Library.
Three. Click on Schauerman Library.
Four. Click on Database Access.
Five. Click on A-Z List of Databases.
Six. Click on one of the three EBSCO host links.
Seven. Limit results to Full Text.
Eight. Put in your key search words.
Nine. Click on HTML or PDF Full Text.
Ten. For you MLA Works Cited, click on Cite MLA under Tools whenever available. Cite is fourth from top for PDF. It's clearly labeled with HTML.
Try with "social media depression."
“The Quagmire of Social Media Friendships” by Curtis Silver
One. How have friendships been degraded in the age of social media?
Once built on sacrifice, commitment, loyalty, and deep bonds, friendships, now redefined in the age of social media, have become more of a notion of metrics (“how many friends you have?”) than traditional characteristics that define friendship.
With the new metrics system of having over 1,000 friends, one is hoarding huge numbers for bragging rights rather than forging life-lasting connections based on effort and reciprocity.
Social media friendships are largely defined by the lack of effort to maintain them with a “like” button.
We’re now hoarding friends rather than cultivating friendships. We become degraded into petty-brained narcissists in the process.
According the Dunbar Number Theory, we can maintain 150 friendships in social media. Robin Dunbar, an anthropologist, based his number on a 1990s primate study. That study is now applied to social networks.
Two. Why does Curtis Silver disagree with the Dunbar Number Theory of 150?
For one, social networks are constantly shifting so we don’t even know who our “friends” are, or are not, at any given time.
For two, Dunbar’s theory was based on personal relationships, not online ones. We may be able to apply Dunbar’s theory to a certain point, but probably a lower number.
Three. Curtis Silver asks the question, “What is a friend?”
Silver quotes the Oxford dictionary: It is “a person with whom one has a bond of mutual affection, typically one exclusive of sexual or family relations.”
The problem with social media “friends” is that any mutual affection proves to be too minute or insignificant.
To use a cliché I like, with social media connections there is too often “not enough skin in the game.” In other words, nothing is really at stake in these online friendships.
Four. Have friendships been diminishing before social media?
We read that in fact they have. Silver writes, “According to a 2006 study in the journal American Sociological Review, Americans have been suffering a loss in number and quality of friendships since 1985. The study states that 25% of Americans have no close friends, and the average of that overall per person has dropped from four to two. . . .”
Studies I’ve read about income inequality in America have pointed to the late 1970s and early 1980s as a turning point in which Americans had to fight harder to join the middle class. Perhaps working more jobs and in general being too busy for friends is a factor. In other words, perhaps economics is a cause of dwindling friendships.
“Dude, I’m too busy for friends. I’m too busy taking care of business.”
If this is true, then social media isn’t the cause of diminished friendships; it’s the symptom of economic hardship.
Five. What is the connection between social media and “sharing”?
Silver suggests that we share too much private information on social media so that intimate personal details are no longer sacred or special and that experiencing some sort of degraded intimacy with our “friends,” we stop connecting on a deep level with our real friends.
We could call this Sharing Fatigue, which reveals a pathological contradiction: We’re compelled like addicts to share all our private stuff on one hand but on the other hand we’re numb to all the sharing we do. Sharing Fatigue turns us into zombies.
Silver suggests that this zombie state degrades our concern for others and that it’s more difficult to be a real friend who is “grounded in a concern” for the other friend.
Additionally, all the social media sharing we do is too often less about making a connection with others and more about advertising “The Big Me,” to use a term coined by David Brooks who laments our digital age of self-aggrandizement and general boasting.
Six. What is the effect of our existence in a large matrix of social connections called “friends”?
We are now performing for this large audience and as we perform, cultivating an image for “our fans,” we lose empathy, develop narcissism, and become lost in an image that is disconnected from our true selves.
In an earlier chapter about celebrity culture, we studied the disconnect between celebrity and personhood.
Would a social critic be justly accused of bombast and hyperbole for pointing out that cut off from empathy and creeping toward narcissism and solipsism we’re heading into some mass psychosis? I’ll leave it for you to decide.
I will tell you that I’ve spoken with some students who tell me they not only have time for real friends; they don’t have time for social media as well, to the point that they don’t have a Facebook account or any other similar form of social media. Perhaps their being too busy works in their favor.
Identifying Claims and Analyzing Arguments from Stuart Greene and April Lidinsky’s From Inquiry to Academic Writing, Third Edition
We’ve learned in this class that we can call a thesis a claim, an assertion that must be supported with evidence and refuting counterarguments.
There are 3 different types of claims: fact, value, and policy.
Claims of Fact
According to Greene and Lidinsky, “Claims of fact are assertions (or arguments) that seek to define or classify something or establish that a problem or condition has existed, exists, or will exist.
For example, Michelle Alexander’s book The New Jim Crow argues that Jim Crow practices that notoriously oppressed people of color still exist in an insidious form, especially in the manner in which we incarcerate black and brown men.
In The Culture Code Rapaille argues that different cultures have unconscious codes and that a brand’s codes must not be disconnected with the culture that brand needs to appeal to. This is the problem or struggle that all companies have: being “on code” with their product. The crisis that is argued is the disconnection between people’s unconscious codes and the contrary codes that a brand may represent.
Many economists, such as Paul Krugman, argue that there is major problem facing America, a shrinking middle class, that is destroying democracy and human freedom as this country knows it. Krugman and others will point to a growing disparity between the haves and have-nots, a growing class of temporary workers that surpasses all other categories of workers (warehouse jobs for online companies, for example), and de-investment in the American labor force as jobs are outsourced in a world of global competition.
All three examples above are claims of fact. As Greene and Lidinsky write, “This is an assertion that a condition exists. A careful reader must examine the basis for this kind of claim: Are we truly facing a crisis?”
We further read, “Our point is that most claims of fact are debatable and challenge us to provide evidence to verify our arguments. They may be based on factual information, but they are not necessarily true. Most claims of fact present interpretations of evidence derived from inferences.”
A Claim of Fact That Seeks to Define Or Classify
Greene and Lidinsky point out that autism is a controversial topic because experts cannot agree on a definition. The behaviors attributed to autism “actually resist simple definition.”
There is also disagreement on a definition of obesity. For example, some argue that the current BMI standards are not accurate.
Another example that is difficult to define or classify is the notion of genius.
In all the cases above, the claim of fact is to assert a definition that must be supported with evidence and refutations of counterarguments.
Claims of Value
Greene and Lidinsky write, “A claim of fact is different from a claim of value, which expresses an evaluation of a problem or condition that has existed, exists, or will exist. Is a condition good or bad? Is it important or inconsequential?
In other words, the claim isn’t whether or not a crisis or problem exists: The emphasis is on HOW serious the problem is.
How serious is global warming?
How serious is gender discrimination in schools?
How serious is racism in law enforcement and incarceration?
How serious is the threat of injury for people who engage in Cross-Fit training?
How serious are the health threats rendered from providing sodas in public schools?
How serious are Brand codes and their connection or disconnection with the consumer’s unconscious codes?
Claims of Policy
Greene and Lidinsky write, “A claim of policy is an argument for what should be the case, that a condition should exist. It is a call for change or a solution to a problem.
Examples
We must decriminalize drugs.
We must increase the minimum wage to X per hour.
We must have stricter laws that defend worker rights for temporary and migrant workers.
We must integrate more autistic children in mainstream classes.
We must implement universal health care.
If we are to keep capital punishment, then we must air it on TV.
We must implement stricter laws for texting while driving.
The Importance of Using Concession with Claims
Greene and Lidinsky write, “Part of the strategy of developing a main claim supported with good reasons is to offer a concession, an acknowledgment that readers may not agree with every point the writer is making. A concession is a writer’s way of saying, ‘Okay, I can see that there may be another way of looking at the issue or another way to interpret the evidence used to support the argument I am making.’”
“Often a writer will signal a concession with phrases like the following:”
“It is true that . . .”
“I agree with X that Y is an important factor to consider.”
“Some studies have convincingly shown that . . .”
Identify Counterarguments
Greene and Lidinsky write, “Anticipating readers’ objections demonstrates that you understand the complexity of the issue and are willing at least to entertain different and conflicting opinions.”
Developing a Thesis
Greene and Lidinsky write that a thesis is “an assertion that academic writers make at the beginning of what they write and then support with evidence throughout their essay.” They then give the thesis these attributes:
Makes an assertion that is clearly defined, focused, and supported.
Reflects an awareness of the conversation from which the writer has taken up the issue.
Is placed at the beginning of the essay.
Penetrates every paragraph like the skewer in a shish kebab.
Acknowledges points of view that differ from the writer’s own, reflecting the complexity of the issue.
Demonstrates an awareness of the readers’ assumptions and anticipates possible counterarguments.
Conveys a significant fresh perspective.
Working and Definitive Thesis
In the beginning, you develop a working or tentative thesis that gets more and more revised and refined as you struggle with the evidence and become more knowledgeable of the subject.
A writer who comes up with a thesis that remains unchanged is not elevating his or her thinking to a sophisticated level.
Only a rare genius could spit out a meaningful thesis that defies revision.
Not just theses, but all writing is subject to multiple revisions. For example, the brilliant TV writers for 30 Rock, The Americans, and The Simpsons make hundreds of revisions for just one scene and even then they’re still not happy in some cases.
Four Models for Developing a Working Thesis
The Correcting-Misinterpretations Model
According to Greene and Lidinsky, “This model is used to correct writers whose arguments you believe have misconstrued one or more important aspects of an issue. This thesis typically takes the form of a factual claim.
Examples of Correcting-Misinterpretation Model
Although LAUSD teachers are under fire for poor teaching performance, even the best teachers have been thrown into abysmal circumstances that defy strong teaching performance evidenced by __________________, ___________________, ________________, and _____________________.
Even though Clotaire Rapaille is venerated as some sort of branding god, a close scrutiny exposes him as a shrewd self-promoter who relies on several gimmicks including _______________________, _______________________, _________________, and ___________________.
The Filling-the-Gap Model
Greene and Lidinsky write, “The gap model points to what other writers may have overlooked or ignored in discussing a given issue. The gap model typically makes a claim of value.”
Example
Many psychology experts discuss happiness in terms of economic wellbeing, strong education, and strong family bonds as the essential foundational pillars of happiness, but these so-called experts fail to see that these pillars are worthless in the absence of morality, as Eric Weiners’s study of Qatar shows, evidenced by __________________, __________________, ___________________, and _____________________.
The Modifying-What-Others-Have-Said Model
Greene and Lidinsky write, “The modification model of thesis writing assumes that mutual understanding is possible.” In other words, we want to modify what many already agree upon.
Example
While most scholars agree that food stamps are essential for hungry children, the elderly, and the disabled, we need to put restrictions on EBT cards so that they cannot be used to buy alcohol, gasoline, lottery tickets, and other non-food items.
The Hypothesis-Testing Model
The authors write, “The hypothesis-testing model begins with the assumption that writers may have good reasons for supporting their arguments, but that there are also a number of legitimate reasons that explain why something is, or is not, the case. . . . That is, the evidence is based on a hypothesis that researchers will continue to test by examining individual cases through an inductive method until the evidence refutes that hypothesis.”
For example, some researchers have found a link between the cholesterol drugs, called statins, and lower testosterone levels in men. Some say the link is causal; others say the link is correlative, which is to say these men who need to lower their cholesterol already have risk factors for low T levels.
As the authors continue, “The hypothesis-testing model assumes that the questions you raise will likely lead you to multiple answers that compete for your attention.”
The authors then give this model for such a thesis:
Some people explain this by suggesting that, but a close analysis of the problem reveals several compelling, but competing explanations.
Final Essay
The essays in Chapter 6 address the alleged pathologies resulting from social media. These pathologies include an empathy deficit, narcissism, shortened attention span, online shaming, and even altered brain development.
In an argumentative essay, support, refute, or complicate the assertion that social media is harmful for our social, cultural and intellectual development. Be sure to address at least two essays from Chapter 6. One of the essays can be used as a source. You will need at least 4 other sources for a total of 5 sources.
Thesis Response
In today’s digital age, it may be true that we suffer from an empathy deficit, narcissism, shortened attention span, and online shaming; however, these pathologies are less the cause of social media than the symptoms of a dystopian culture built on income inequality evidenced by _______________, ________________, ______________, and ____________________.
Another Thesis Response
While income inequality is surely the cause of some of our social pathologies, we have to attribute even more of the blame on social media such as Facebook, which is responsible for __________________, __________________, _________________, and ________________________.
What are causes of our loneliness and disconnection other than social media?
Moving into the suburbs
Growing debt equals more work hours.
Sub-living wages equals more work hours.
Anxiety and stress of "trying to stay afloat" impedes time and money for social life.
Addictive personalities will find whatever is available to feed their addiction. All addictive behavior leads to isolation and disconnection.
We live in an addictive society. Social media and consumerism have joined forces to make us addicts.
What can we attribute to Facebook as a misery cause?
It encourages the envy from social comparison and FOMO (fear of missing out).
But can we blame Facebook if we have let it become our default when we're looking for connection?
Do we confuse connection with real bonds? What's the difference?
“Open and Closed” by Evgeny Morozov
One. What is “openness”?
Openness is open and unlimited access to technology and information. We read, “Openness is today a powerful cult, a religion with its own dogmas.” We further read that, “This fascination with ‘openness’ stems mostly from the success of open-source software, publicly accessible computer code that anyone is welcome to improve. But lately it has been applied to everything . . .”
Openness can be subversive, countercultural, anarchist, populist, green, educational (MOOCS, massive open online courses) and about becoming independent from “The Man.”
Two. What are some problems with “openness”?
For one, its vague definition is an umbrella for too many things to be a coherent system.
For two, the alleged democracy of openness seems fragile when we ask who decides what issues openness will address and how those issues will be addressed.
Alas, there is a ringleader and this contradicts the notion of openness.
For three, openness is less about accountability and more about “how many apps can be built on top of it.”
Three. What is the author’s thesis?
In paragraph 4 we read, “One doesn’t need to look at projects like Defcad to see that “openness” has become a dangerously vague term, with lots of sex appeal but barely any analytical content. Certified as ‘open,” the most heinous and suspicious ideas suddenly become acceptable.” For example, making automatic rifles becomes okay because it's "open."
This openness, or what Morozov calls solutionism, is "the latest opiate of the (iPad-toting) masses.
This "opiate" or drug blinds its believers from the scary truth: Destruction, mayhem, and evil can be created in this unchecked environment of "openness."
Sample Research Thesis
"Openness," a word coined by Evgeny Morozov, will not pave the road to Utopia but, like Morozov argues, will bring on catastrophe and social pathology like we've never seen before because _____________, _____________, _______________, and _______________.
Morozov's alarmist analysis of "openness" is misguided when we consider _______________, ________________, _________________, and __________________.
Sherry Turkle's Video Summary
One. We're letting tech take us places we don't want to go.
She's talking about a psychological state, a demonic state, in which we date the angel that turns out to be the devil.
Two. Tech devices change not just what we are but who we are.
Tech is compromising our humanity, our friendships, our ability to enjoy solitude, and our skills at self-reflection.
Three. Crazy, dysfunctional behavior is the new normal.
For example, many text while giving eye contact, a sort of phony connecting.
We text at church, funerals, and sacred places. We take "salvation selfies" as we emerge from the baptism water.
We hang out at Starbucks for five hours and say the next day what a great time we had when in fact we we're "alone together" on our smartphones.
Four. We aspire to the "Goldilocks effect": not too close, not too far.
In other words, we want control of our environment. We prefer control to the messy lack of control from real human interaction.
We no longer want real conversations that take place in real time and that cannot be controlled. Texting becomes the preferred option.
In extreme cases, we're willing to dispense with people and prefer Siri or sociable robots.
Five. We take little sips of tweets and posts and other data bites and the hope is that eventually all these little sips will lead to one big nutritional gulp. But this hope is built on a canard. All we have is nothing.
Six. Our escape from conversation compromises the skills that also help us in self-reflection.
People who converse well also self-reflect well, and the opposite is true.
Seven. We expect more from technology and less from each other.
We need the latest upgrades and refreshes and innovations in tech even as we keep more and more people at a distance.
Eight. We're lonely, but we're afraid of intimacy.
Intimacy requires honesty, loss of control, and vulnerability, but the rewards are humor, emotional completeness, and life fullness.
We're averse to the demands of friendship, which require commitment, loss of control, and vulnerability.
Nine. We suffer from "alone anxiety."
We can't be at a red light without checking texts and Facebook status.
We connect through texting and other ways not as a sign of our fullness as human beings but from a place of fear, fragmentation, desperation, loneliness, and angst (the restless anxiety that results from not knowing who we are, from having no purpose, and from languishing in the existential vacuum).
Turkle says "connection is a symptom, not a cure" for our sense of loneliness.
The more we connect, the more desperate we become, which in turn compels us to connect even more. This addiction becomes a vicious cycle.
Ten. Turkle says, "I share; therefore I am."
This is a delusion. Sharing is an expression of fragmentation and desperation and the loss of selfhood.
Turkle observes, "We're using people as spare parts to repair our fragile and broken selves."
Eleven. Turkle's secret sauce to the human condition is this: Solitude is the prerequisite for real connection.
"If we can't be alone, we'll be more lonely." We need to learn to be alone, and that means not sharing all the time on social media.
English 1A Spring 2015 Final Research Paper Reading and Writing Schedule
Week 15 was revised slightly to increase probability of success for your research paper.
Because of the amount of student drops, I can consult with all of you on Monday, May 4, Week 15. This process will allow for a more significant revision and thus increase the probability of greater success on your research paper.
On Wednesday, May 6, bring the first 2-3 typed pages of your research paper for peer edit and/or for me to look at.
Final Research Paper: Chapter 6: How We Connect
Prompt is same as your syllabus but I revised the wording for added clarity:
The essays in Chapter 6 address the alleged pathologies resulting from social media. These pathologies include an empathy deficit, narcissism, shortened attention span, online shaming, and even altered brain development. In an argumentative essay, support, refute, or complicate the assertion that social media is harmful for our social, cultural and intellectual development. Be sure to address at least two essays from Chapter 6. One of the essays can be used as a source. You will need at least 4 other sources for a total of 5 sources.
The general prompt above has many variations in our text Acting Out Culture. Specific variations can be found on page 452, prompt 6; page 457, prompt 6; page 461, prompt 6; page 469, prompts 5 and 6; page 477, prompt 6; page 499, prompt 6; and page 503, prompt 6. You can formulate your thesis on one of these specific prompts or use the more general prompt above.
Your guidelines for your Final Research Paper are as follows:
This research paper should present a thesis that is specific, manageable, provable, and contestable—in other words, the thesis should offer a clear position, stand, or opinion that will be proven with research.
You should analyze and prove your thesis using examples and quotes from a variety of sources.
You need to research and cite from at least five sources. You must use at least 3 different types of sources.
At least one source must be from an ECC library database.
At least one source must be a book, anthology or textbook.
At least one source must be from a credible website, appropriate for academic use.
The paper should not over-rely on one main source for most of the information. Rather, it should use multiple sources and synthesize the information found in them.
This paper will be approximately 5-7 pages in length, not including the Works Cited page, which is also required. This means at least 5 full pages of text. The Works Cited page does NOT count towards length requirement.
You must use MLA format for the document, in-text citations, and Works Cited page.
You must integrate quotations and paraphrases using signal phrases and analysis or commentary.
You must sustain your argument, use transitions effectively, and use correct grammar, spelling, and punctuation.
Your paper must be logically organized and focused.
Reading and Writing Schedule
April 20 Chapter 6 444-452; discuss Alone Together Ted Talk
April 22 Chapter 6 453-461 (go over outline and annotated bibliography)
April 27 Chapter 6 464-483
April 29 Chapter 6 484-503; writing introduction, counterargument, and conclusion
May 4 Two-page tentative outline and two-page annotated bibliography due for 75 points consult for entire class.
May 6 Bring 2-3 typed pages for peer edit and/or for me to look at.
May 11 In-class Exam 4 for 75 points (open-book and bring blue book)
May 13 Final 6-Page (1,500 words) Typed Essay for 150 Points Is Due
Peer Edit for English 1A First Draft
First Page
Do you have a salient, distinctive title that is relevant to your topic and thesis?
Do you have your name, instructor’s name, the course, and date (in that order) at the top left?
Format
Are you using 12-point font with Times New Roman?
Are your lines double-spaced?
Is your font color black?
Do you make sure there are no extra spaces between paragraphs (some students erroneously use 4 spaces between paragraphs)
Do you use 1-inch margins?
Do you use block format for quotes of 4 or more lines in which you indent another inch from the left margin?
Introduction
Does your introduction have a compelling hook using an anecdote, a troubling current event, a startling statistic, etc.?
Do you avoid pat phrases or clichés? For example, “In today’s society . . .” or “In today’s modern world . . .” or “Since the Dawn of Man . . .”
Thesis
Do you have a thesis that articulates your main purpose in clear, specific language?
Is your thesis sophisticated in that it makes an assertion that goes beyond the obvious and self-evident?
Is your thesis debatable?
Do you address your opponents with a concession clause? (While opponents of my proposal to raise the minimum wage to $22 an hour make some compelling points, their argument collapses when we consider _____________, _______________, __________________, and ________________. )
Does your thesis have explicit or implicit mapping components that outline the body paragraphs of your essay?
General Questions from Your Reader
One. What’s most compelling about the essay so far?
Two. What is most needed for improvement so far?
Three. Something I would like the writer to explain more is . . .
Do you have a salient, distinctive title that is relevant to your topic and thesis?
Do you have your name, instructor’s name, the course, and date (in that order) at the top left?
Format
Are you using 12-point font with Times New Roman?
Are your lines double-spaced?
Is your font color black?
Do you make sure there are no extra spaces between paragraphs (some students erroneously use 4 spaces between paragraphs)
Do you use 1-inch margins?
Do you use block format for quotes of 4 or more lines in which you indent another inch from the left margin?
Introduction
Does your introduction have a compelling hook using an anecdote, a troubling current event, a startling statistic, etc.?
Do you avoid pat phrases or clichés? For example, “In today’s society . . .” or “In today’s modern world . . .” or “Since the Dawn of Man . . .”
Thesis
Do you have a thesis that articulates your main purpose in clear, specific language?
Is your thesis sophisticated in that it makes an assertion that goes beyond the obvious and self-evident?
Is your thesis debatable?
Do you address your opponents with a concession clause? (While opponents of my proposal to raise the minimum wage to $22 an hour make some compelling points, their argument collapses when we consider _____________, _______________, __________________, and ________________. )
Does your thesis have explicit or implicit mapping components that outline the body paragraphs of your essay?
Sources and Plagiarism
Does your research paper contain accurate information from credible sources?
Are your sources timely, relevant, current, thorough (detailed) and definitive (the sources that peer experts refer to)?
Do you use signal phrases to introduce sources that you are integrating into your argument?
Do you use complete parenthetical citations throughout your essay?
Do you mix quotations, paraphrases, and summaries in your references rather than just relying on one form of citing your sources?
Body Paragraphs
Are your paragraphs well developed with a good 120-150 words per paragraph (with the exception of your conclusion, which can be shorter)?
Do you have clear topic sentences (mini thesis statements) that control the supporting details in the paragraph?
Do you have varied transitions within the paragraphs and transitions that connect the paragraphs?
Do make sure you don’t continue the same paragraph with a second topic sentence?
Do you make sure that for every cited quotation, paraphrase, or summary you have a minimum of three sentences of your own analysis of that quotation, paraphrase or summary?
Counterarguments and Refutation Section
Did you address at least two of your opponents’ strongest arguments against your thesis by using clear counterargument-refutation templates? (My opponents make a strong point about X, but their overall assertion collapses when we consider _____________, _______________, and _________________.)
Did you make sure you didn’t twist your opponents’ arguments (Straw Man fallacy) in order to make it easier to refute them?
Conclusion
Did you restate your thesis in more emotional style (using more pathos than logos) to give emphasis to your points?
Did you show the broader social implications of your thesis to show its urgency and relevance?
Did you avoid the conclusion cliché? (In conclusion, as you can clearly see . . .)
Mechanics
Did you check for spelling and word usage?
Did you proofread for comma splices, sentence fragments, pronoun errors, verb tense shifts, missing apostrophes, and other egregious errors?
“How Companies Learn Your Secrets” by Charles Duhigg
One. Why is Target keenly interested in knowing which of their customers are pregnant?
Baby time is when consumers are in a state of flux; they’re open to making significant consumer habit changes. We read that, “old routines fall apart and buying habits are suddenly in flux.” As a result, “shopping patterns and brand loyalties are up for grabs.” When you're vulnerable, you're an open target. Retailers want you now more than ever.
Target accesses public records to find out who’s had babies, and then Target inundates these customers with ads and coupons.
To some, Target’s customer research seems invasive, like the work of private detectives or government surveillance.
In fact, we read that Target, like other retailers, collects vast amounts of data on its customers who have no clue that their personal information is being disclosed, mined, analyzed, and sold to the highest bidders who aren't afraid to dig into their pockets for "customer acquisition."
Most Target customers don’t know that Target “assigns each shopper a unique code—known internally as the Guest ID number—that keeps tabs on everything they buy.”
Linked to this Guest ID “is your age, whether you are married and have kids, which part of town you live in, how long it takes you to drive to the store, your estimated salary, whether you’ve moved recently, what credit cards you carry in your wallet and what Web sites you visit.”
Additionally, we read that, “Target can buy data about your ethnicity, job history, the magazines you read, if you’ve ever declared bankruptcy or got divorced, the year you bought (or lost) your house, where you went to college, what kinds of topics you talk about online, whether you prefer certain brands of coffee, paper towels, cereal, or applesauce, your political leanings, reading habits, charitable giving, and the number of cars you own.”
All of this data is further analyzed by a team of statisticians such as Andrew Pole who is discussed in the essay.
This particular job is called predictive analytics, which is “devoted to understanding not just consumers’ shopping habits but also their personal habits, so as to more efficiently market to them.”
I did an Internet search and found that predictive analytics has an average salary of 112K. You have to get a Masters of Science in Predictive Analytics. If you want to make even more money, closer to 175K, you study risk assessment, which is related to actuarial mathematics.
All of this is part of “the golden age of market research,” and we read that Target is at the forefront.
Data collecting has become a growing field over the last 20 years. Former chief scientist at Amazon, Andreas Weigend, says, “It’s like an arms race to hire statisticians nowadays.”
Retailers cannot get enough of your personal information, and with you moving all over the Internet, you have never been so transparent.
Two. Why are retailers so hell-bent on collecting our data?
“One study from Duke University estimated that habits, rather than conscious decision-making, shape 45 percent of the choices we make every day.” This suggests that we are more driven by emotion than reason almost half the time.
MIT researchers doing lab experiments with rats discovered that brain activity decreases with habit and increases when we are behaving outside of habit, which is using our critical thinking skills.
We are hard-wired to act on habits because habits reduce thinking and reduced thinking conserves energy. We are not lazy; we are simply hard-wired to conserve energy for survival reasons. Therefore, we are inclined toward habitual behavior.
The term for when the brain converts a sequence of actions into an automatic routing is called “chunking.”
We are inclined to “chunking,” because limited brain strain conserves energy and we are hard-wired for energy conservation.
Or perhaps that’s a fancy way of saying we’re lazy?
Clearly, the more we behave out of habit, the more vulnerable we are to marketing and the more predictable we are in our behavior. Retailers can better control consumers who behave out of habit.
Three. What is the 3-Part Process of Chunking?
“First, there is a cue, a trigger that tells your brain to go into automatic mode and which habit to use. Then there is the routine, which can be physical or mental or emotional. Finally there is a reward, which helps your brain figure out if this particular loop is worth remembering for the future.” Over time, this loop becomes more and more automatic.
In other words, MIT “discovered” what we’ve known all along: We’re creatures of habit.
We read, “Habits aren’t destiny—they can be ignored, changed, or replaced. But it’s also true that once the loop is established and a habit emerges, your brain stops fully participating in decision-making. So unless you deliberately fight a habit—unless you find new cues and rewards—the old pattern will unfold automatically.”
Four. How do exercise and Febreze habits emerge?
A study of 256 health-insurance members took classes “stressing the importance of exercise. Half the participants received an extra session on the theories of habit formation (the structure of the habit loop) and were asked to identify cues and rewards that might help them develop exercise routines.” Those who identified cues and rewards “spent twice as much time exercising as their peers.”
A simple cue for morning jobs is to put on your running shoes before breakfast or leave your running shoes next to your bed. Clear rewards consisted of midday treats or the pride resulting from logbook recordings. I find the midday treat questionable since the calories of that treat might be equal or more than the calories burned from the jog.
On a related issue the author Duhigg gained 8 pounds from snacking on chocolate chip cookies at work. He realized the cue was to socialize, so he started buying apples to snack on for his “social break” and he was able to break the loop.
With Febreze, sales didn’t go up until marketers made it part of the brain loop with trigger, routine, and reward. And to do this, they had to add a stronger perfume smell to their product.
Five. Why is it difficult to change consumers’ buying habits?
In addition to the strengths of old habits, it turns out that people’s “most mundane purchases, such as toiletries and cleaning products, are done with no decision making whatsoever. This means a new product promising greater performance may not change a consumer.
The real trick is in timing. Catch a consumer during major upheaval: graduating, getting a new house, having a baby, going through a divorce, and that consumer is vulnerable to consumer change.
Target workers like Pole find out who’s pregnant and send that woman, or high school student as we see in one case, a barrage of coupons for baby clothes and cribs. In fact, one father discovered his high school daughter was pregnant because of Target coupons sent to his home.
Target won’t talk about Pole or other employees who do his kind of work. But we do know that since Pole was hired, Target’s revenues have grown from 44 billion to 67 billion (2002-2010).
“The Attention-Span Myth” by Virginia Heffernan”
One. What is Heffernan questioning about our collective attention span?
She questions that there is a universal attention span. She claims some people have long attention spans and that others have short ones. We’re unfairly demonizing the Internet for shortening our attention spans.
She writes that Nicholas Carr, author of The Shallows and “Is Google Making Us Stupid” that he is exaggerating his claim about the Internet’s effect on our brains, which practically causes “brain damage.”
Two points: Is she twisting Carr’s argument by using the term “brain damage” and is she addressing the scientific brain studies Carr cites for brail altering due to Internet us?
Another criticism: Heffernan uses a child who prefers drums to reading the novel The Sun Also Rises. But is that example a specific refutation of the biological and scientific evidence that shows the brain has changed due to Internet use?
Heffernan is then arguing that we place too much admiration and emphasis on a long attention span. Why is it “humankind’s best moral and aesthetic asset”?
No one said it was, but what some are saying is that a compromised attention span is not good for learning and intelligence. Twice in two pages Heffernan has used the Straw Man logical fallacy, creating a false argument to counter-argue.
Essay Option
Is Virginia Heffernan's attention-span myth a confirmation or challenge of Duhigg's thesis about the power of habit?
Sample Thesis
Heffernan's essay poses a weak challenge to Duhigg's because Heffernan fails to _____________, ____________, _______________, and __________________.
“The Flip Side of Internet Fame” by Jessica Bennet
One. What is scary about a video, Facebook message, or tweet about you going viral?
For one, the information may be inaccurate.
For two, the information may be taken out of context.
For three, the infraction may be minor, so that the punishment is disproportionate to the infraction.
For four, a person may have manipulated or tricked you into “going public.”
For five, ubiquitous smart phones leave you vulnerable to be videotaped when you are unaware.
For six, you may have an enemy who enjoys cowardly hiding behind the anonymity of the web to lie about you, and if your enemy is clever enough his lie can gain traction and smear your reputation.
For seven, if you are a shaming victim, you will find you have little or no legal recourse. You would have to subpoena an anonymous IP address for starters. And cunning enemies can slip out of one IP address to another.
For eight, there is a new environment for shaming; it's called social media, and the social media community acts like a mob and too often goes into a feeding frenzy when it smells blood in the water.
For nine, it's easy to be a self-righteous lazy activist on Twitter since tweeting does not take an investment of time or energy.
For ten, tweeting can be impulsive with no filters and even if the accuser has regrets later, it's too late.
But even with all of the above conditions met, a viral video becomes a frenzied false kind of “truth” that defies reality.
This frenzied false kind of “truth” destroys your reputation, incites others to harass you, blacklists you from job opportunities, stigmatizes you in areas of romance, and generally paints you as a demon homunculus who may be forever incapable of redemption.
In the digital age, people are so eager to find connection through viral videos and tweets that they discard the moral component, empathy, to the target of the frenzy.
The speed of which this demonization can occur has no historical precedent. In less than a day, a life can be ruined.
Two. “The Flip Side of Internet Fame” has many things in common with Ty Burr’s “The Faces in the Mirror.” Identify some of those commonalities.
Both essays address the disparity between a real person and the public persona.
Both essays address our preference for public persona over reality.
Both essays suggest that there is something morally bankrupt and perhaps even insane about a culture that obsesses over false images at the expense of preserving the humanity of real people.
Both essays suggest that a certain kind of loneliness, disconnection, and lack of empathy inform the sick obsession with public or fake personas over reality.
Both essays tap into the toxic energy from the "mobocracy." A mobocracy is a mob that is so desperate for connection and unity that they will resort to irrational hatred of a scapegoat to achieve their goal.
Essay Prompt
Compare our obsession with celebrity and our obsession with viral videos. What common pathologies can you identify that fuel these obsessions?
Both essays show that the mobocracy is a pathological juggernaut evidenced by ____________, ____________, _____________, and _______________.
Essay Prompt
What is the connection between how we view ourselves and how others view us? How does the Internet alter this dynamic?
Social media encourages what David Brooks calls "The Big Me," a state of self-aggrandizement that results in solipsism, narcissism, bipolar moodiness, and depression.
Essay Prompt
Defend, refute, or complicate the notion that online shaming is so catastrophic and prevalent that we need to add free speech restrictions that would discourage online shaming. What would those restrictions be? How would we enforce those restrictions? Would those restrictions be justified? Explain.
While I agree with those who point out the catastrophes that ensue from online shaming, it would be impractical to draw free speech boundaries on the Internet because _____________, _____________, _______________, and _________________.
Essay Prompt
Write a causal analysis of public shaming in the context of "The Flip Side of Internet Fame."
Whenever an instructor gives you a causal analysis assignment, she is asking you to analyze the causes for something. For example, a causal analysis of California's water shortage would focus on global warming, carbon emission, and lackluster water-saving measures.
When an instructor gives you causal analysis essay, either typed or in-class, you want to develop a clear strategy to explore the topic.
According to The St. Martin's Handbook, you need to match a series of questions for the type of essay you've been asked to write.
We read, "Originally developed by Aristotle, the following questions can help you explore a topic by carefully and systematically describing it:"
What is it? Public shaming
What caused it? Social media
What is it like or unlike? Public shaming moves so quickly that we have no cultural precedent.
What larger system is the topic a part of? Public shaming is part of a larger social pathology: bullying, cowardice (hiding behind the anonymity of the Internet), and the hunger for power ("look what I can do!").
What do people say about it? Many feel safe, but others, with good reason, feel vulnerable. Public shaming could happen to anyone.
When your instructor asks you to write an argumentative essay, you ask a series of different questions:
What claim are you making about your topic?
What good reasons support your claim?
What valid underlying assumptions support the reasons for your claim? In argument, the assumption is the logic you use to connect your support to your claim.
What backup evidence can you find for your claim?
What refutations of your claim should you anticipate?
In what ways should you qualify your claim? When you qualify a claim, you set conditions.
“Unspeakable Conversations” by Harriet McBryde Johnson
One. How does Johnson effectively get our attention in her essay’s introduction?
“He insists he doesn’t want to kill me.”
Two. What kind of hubris (excessive pride) and arrogance inform Singer’s philosophy to kill deformed babies?
He seems to know that the “suffering” disabled babies go through, and the parents’ suffering, justifies killing them.
Is there a definitive suffering scale, and even if there were, would such a scale justify the killing of certain kinds of babies?
Additionally, Singer argues that “individuals with cognitive impairments so severe that he doesn’t consider them persons” should not live.
Again, how do we definitively measure such perceived impairments, and even if such a measurement were available, could we justify this practice of killing people?
Again, his insanely mathematical formula used to justify infanticide is an oversimplification. As HMJ writes, “the presence or absence of a disability doesn’t predict quality of life.” Her brother Mac who is not disabled has flaws and gifts “that cannot be measured on the same scale.”
For Singer, a disabled baby is “worse off” than a healthy baby so the disabled baby should be killed. But what does it mean to say someone is “worse off”? What about a healthy baby who as a toddler proves that he is a sociopath who tortures cats and dogs? He gets to live?
At another point of debate, Singer says healthy children can have fun at the beach but disabled children cannot and therefore they should be put to death. Does this make sense? “You, child, are unable to have fun. Now die.”
I’m less shocked by the stupidity and evil of the argument (because there will always be madmen spewing made theories) than by the fact that Singer is a venerated philosopher who is a hired professor at Princeton.
Three. How does HBJ's appearance present challenges, some of which are for her insufferable?
People assume she needs pity.
They assume her life is horrible.
They assume she is in immense pain.
They assume she needs to be treated like a child or patronized like a slow person.
They don’t see her. They see stereotypes based on her appearance.
Lexicon of Terms Pertinent to Peter Singer’s Moral Philosophy.
One. Utilitarianism, the philosophy that we should sacrifice the individual for the greater good of the collective whole.
From Economy: Definition: Utilitarianism is a moral philosophy, generally operating on the principle that the utility (happiness or satisfaction) of different people can not only be measured but also meaningfully summed over people and that utility comparisons between people are meaningful. That makes it possible to achieve a well-defined societal optimum in allocations, production, and other decisions, and achieve the goal utilitarian British philosopher Jeremy Bentham described as "the greatest good for the greatest number."
This form of utilitarianism is thought of as extreme, now, partly because it is widely believed that there exists no generally acceptable way of summing utilities across people and comparing between them.
Two. “quality of life” argument: human life is only valuable if a certain “quality” can be achieved; otherwise life is better off destroyed.
Three. “normal children”: They can achieve a “quality of life” and should take priority over “abnormal children” who should be euthanized.
Four. “infants are replaceable”: we should replace abnormal infants with normal ones for the “greater good.” The moral imperative is that we are reducing suffering and adding more productive citizens to society as opposed to citizens who put a burden on society.
Five. Eugenicist, one who defends the idea that we should select what humans are desirable based on genetics and which ones should be replaced, that is euthanized, for the betterment of society. The eugenicist also develops the criteria for making these choices.
Six. Nebulous definition of “personhood.” The ability to imagine the future. What does that mean?
Seven. Intrinsic value of human life, called the sanctity of life vs. conditional value of human life based on “quality of life.”
Eight. Apologist for eugenics. An apologist takes controversial or unpopular ideas and makes them appealing by defending their validity and showing why those views are correct.
Nine. Peter Singer is an advocate for genetic re-engineering.
Ten. Market-driven and peer-pressure-driven forces for genetic re-engineering. The result will be a loss of diversity. Most women will like Salma Hayek and Beyonce while most men will look like Will Smith and Brad Pitt. See the New Eugenics.
Part Two. Peter Singer’s Major Arguments
One. Peter Singer’s quality of life argument for infanticide:
His stated reason, rather, is that such children have diminished prospects of eventually enjoying an adequate "quality of life", in his words, and to allow them to live would take away resources from what Singer calls "normal" children. He therefore advocates killing "disabled" infants, if the parents so choose, and replacing them with "normal" ones. The terminology of "replacement" is Singer's own; his philosophy "treats infants as replaceable", in his words (Practical Ethics p. 186).
Why, then, does Singer argue that infants born with this condition can justly be killed? Because they are "abnormal" and do not have "good prospects" (Rethinking p. 214).
This notion of "prospects" runs like a mantra through Singer's discussion of Down syndrome children: "the future prospects of life may be so bleak" (211), "the prospects are clouded" (213), and so forth. But what sort of prospects does he have in mind? On p. 213 of Rethinking he lists several activities which a person with Down syndrome will supposedly never be capable of: "to play the guitar, to develop an appreciation of science fiction, to learn a foreign language, to chat with us about the latest Woody Allen movie, or to be a respectable athlete, basketball player or tennis player."
This list reads like a parody of bourgeois myths of achievement, success, and respectability. To Singer, however, these are legitimate reasons for killing a newborn. After all, if you can't do your own financial planning, why should you be allowed to live?
Two. Peter Singer’s utilitarian argument for infanticide:
What counts as a "severe disability" for Singer? He intentionally leaves the term vague to allow for a broad range of parental discretion, but he has discussed a number of specific examples, both hypothetical as well as actual cases.
The conditions he has explicitly named as sufficient justification for active infanticide include Down syndrome, spina bifida, and hemophilia. Here is Singer's reasoning on the latter condition, taken from his popular textbook Practical Ethics (P. 186): "Suppose a woman planning to have two children has one normal child, then gives birth to a haemophiliac child. The burden of caring for that child may make it impossible for her to cope with a third child; but if the disabled child were to die, she would have another. . . . When the death of a disabled infant will lead to the birth of another infant with better prospects of a happy life, the total amount of happiness will be greater if the disabled infant is killed. The loss of happy life for the first infant is outweighed by the gain of a happier life for the second. Therefore, if killing the hemophiliac infant has no adverse effect on others, it would, according to the total view, be right to kill him."
Three. Peter Singer’s definition of a “person” or someone who is worthy of the label “personhood”:
a conscious being, a creature who has the capacity to imagine the future. This definition can apply to humans, animals, and creatures. A “person” should not be killed, but a human baby suffering severe retardation or some other handicap is not a “person.”
Four. Utilitarian Slippery Slope:
If we agree that we should aim for the greatest good for the greatest amount of people and that handicapped people burden the “greatest good,” at what point do we stop at defining who constitutes a “burden”? Smokers, the obese, criminals, the handicapped, the autistic? Where do we stop?
Five. Peter Singer’s “Worse Off” Argument:
Disability makes a person worse off and therefore that person should be killed. And Peter Singer is comfortable judging who’s “worse off” and who’s not, a very subjective condition. See page 97 and page 106 top.
Six. Peter Singer’s Eugenicist Position:
The eugenicist position endorses selection according to desirable and undesirable genetic traits, and favors the elimination of the latter. Singer's argument sorts people into two categories, "normal" and "abnormal", and declares the ostensibly abnormal ones fair game at birth. He doesn't even bother to try to provide "objective" grounds on which to classify some human physical or mental conditions as "defective" (a term he used in earlier editions of Practical Ethics) and contrast them with "healthy" ones. Instead he simply welcomes whatever arbitrary social norms happen to prevail, thus turning his argument into a vehicle for prejudice. But of course there is no perfect, flawless version of the human form against which putatively "inferior" specimens could be measured.
Seven. Harriet McBryde Johnson’s quality of life argument:
Studies show that the public underestimates the quality of life for most handicapped people based on stereotypes.
Essay Option:
Defend or refute Peter Singer’s position that there are moral grounds for infanticide or “mercy killings.” Here is how the assignment looks for a 4-page essay:
Write a 4-page critique of Peter Singer’s philosophy as rendered in “Unspeakable Conversation” (92). In your first page, explain Peter Singer’s philosophy and the methods he uses to defend it. Then in your next page, begin a thesis paragraph that defends or refutes Singer. You must use a Works Cited page that has no fewer than 3 sources.
Refutation of Peter Singer: Thesis One:
While Singer’s argument for infanticide is consistent with his utilitarian worldview, his position collapses under the close eye of scrutiny in which we detect huge holes or flaws in his reasoning. These flaws include __________________________, ___________________________, ____________________________, and __________________________.
Refutation of Peter Singer: Thesis Two:
If we accept Peter Singer's utilitarian argument as a just rationale for infanticide, then we are paving the way for genetic re-engineering as a tool to create a Super Baby that all parents will be forced to breed. This forced breeding of the Super Baby will result from ______________________, __________________________, ______________________, and ____________________________________.
Defense of Peter Singer: Thesis Three:
McMahon has treated Peter Singer’s infanticide argument with gross unfairness. While McMahon is correct that Singer needs to tidy up some of his vague definitions, Singer’s general argument can be ethically defended as actually helping the human race when we consider _________________________, _______________________, ___________________________, and _______________________________.
Some Salient Titles
Must I Conform to Peter Singer's Definition of Happiness So I Can Live?
Be Happy Singer's Way . . . Or Die
Let Go of the Stale Past and Become New and Improved, Peter Singer Style
We Limit Ourselves By Dismissing Peter Singer So Quickly
McMahon Commentary on “Unspeakable Conversations”
Peter Singer’s theories of “selective infanticide” insulate him from the reality of flesh and blood:
His theories are abstractions and as he percolates his ideas behind the university walls, he loses touch with reality. Specifically, Singer does not see the human face of “disability” and this human face is Harriet McBryde Johnson. According to Singer’s theory of eugenics, HBJ’s parents had the right to kill her since someone with her disabilities could not lead a “quality of life” and as such she doesn’t deserve the title of “person.” Nor does she possess, to use Singer’s term, “personhood.”
To the contrary, HMJ has a lot of richness in her life that defies the stereotypes too many people have about people with disabilities. Part of HMJ’s gifted life is her intellect, which allows her to see the “bone-chilling” theories of Peter Singer for what they are: monstrous. For example, Singer believes in “selective infanticide” under the guise of “preference utilitarianism” (96), which states that disabled babies are disposable and that is preferable to replace them with healthy babies who have a better change for a flourishing existence.
One of the horrifying qualities of Peter Singer is that during his debate with HMJ he remains affable, lucid, and logical. We can infer that Singer has succumbed to his abstractions so fully that he has lost his humanity and his sanity. He is clearly an congenial monster, polite on the outside, roiling with his murder doctrine on the inside.
One of the striking inadequacies of Singer’s theory, we read on page 97, is his belief that someone like HMJ is “worse off” (106) as he projects condescending pity for the disabled based on his ignorance and stereotypical beliefs (104).
Avoid Dangling Modifiers
Rewrite the following sentences to correct the dangling modifiers:
1. Larded with greasy fries, the waiter served me a burnt steak.
2. Mr. McMahon returned her essay with a wide grin.
3. To finish by the 4 P.M. deadline, the computer keyboard blazed with the student's fast typing fingers.
4. Chocolate frosted with caramel sauce, John devoured the cupcakes.
5. Tapping the desk with his fingers, the school clock's hands moved too slowly before recess.
6. Showering the onion rings with garlic salt, his sodium count spiked.
7. The girl walked her poodle in high heels.
8. Struggling with the tight jeans, the fabric ripped and made an embarrassing sound.
9. Turning off the bedroom lights, the long, hard day finally came to an end.
10. Piled high above the wash machine, I decided I had better do a load of laundry.
11. Standing on the hotel balcony, the ocean view was stunning.
12. Running across the floor, the rug slipped and I collapsed.
13. Writing anxiously, the essay looked littered with errors.
14. Mortified by my loss to my opponents, my baseball uniform sagged.
15. Hungry after a day of football, the stack of peanut butter sandwiches on the table quickly disappeared.
Subordination and Coordination (Complex and Compound Sentences)
Complex Sentence
A complex sentence has two clauses. One clause is dependent or subordinate; the other clause is independent, that is to say, the independent clause is the complete sentence.
Examples:
While I was tanning in Hermosa Beach, I noticed the clouds were playing hide and seek.
Because I have a tendency to eat entire pizzas, inhaling them within seconds, I must avoid that fattening food.
Whenever I’m driving my car and I see people texting while driving, I stop my car on the side of the road.
I have to workout every day because I am addicted to exercise-induced dopamine.
I feel overcome with a combination of romantic melancholy and giddy excitement whenever there is a thunderstorm.
We use subordination to show cause and effect. To create subordinate clauses, we must use a subordinate conjunction:
The essential ingredient in a complex sentence is the subordinate conjunction:
after although as because before even if even though if in order that
once provided that rather than since so that than that though unless
until when whenever where whereas wherever whether while why
I workout too much. I have tenderness in my elbow.
Because I workout too much, I suffer tenderness in my elbow.
My elbow hurts. I’m working out.
Even though my elbow hurts, I’m working out.
We use coordination to show equal rank of ideas. To combine sentences with coordination we use FANBOYS (for, and, nor, but, or, yet, so)
The calculus class has been cancelled. We will have to do something else.
The calculus class has been cancelled, so we will have to do something else.
I want more pecan pie. They only have apple pie.
I want more pecan pie, but they only have apple pie.
Using FANBOYS creates compound sentences
Angelo loves to buy a new radio every week, but his wife doesn’t like it.
You have high cholesterol, so you have to take statins.
I am tempted to eat all the rocky road ice cream, yet I will force myself to nibble on carrots and celery.
I want to go to the Middle Eastern restaurant today, and I want to see a movie afterwards.
I really like the comfort of elastic-waist pants, but wearing them makes me feel like an old man.
Both subordination and coordination combine sentences into smoother, clearer sentences.
The following four sentences are made smoother and clearer with the help of subordination:
McMahon felt gluttonous. He inhaled five pizzas. He felt his waist press against his denim waistband in a cruel, unforgiving fashion. He felt an acute ache in his stomach.
Because McMahon felt gluttonous, he inhaled five pizzas upon which he felt his waist press against his denim waistband resulting in an acute stomachache.
Another Example
Joe ate too much heavily salted popcorn. The saltiness made him thirsty. He consumed several gallons of water before bedtime. He was up going to the bathroom all night. He got a bad night’s sleep. He performed terribly during his job interview.
Due to his foolish consumption of salted popcorn, Joe was so thirsty he drank several gallons of water before bedtime, which caused him to go to the bathroom all night, interfering with his night’s sleep and causing him to do terribly on his job interview.
Another Example
Bob dropped his peanut butter sandwich in the tiger’s enclosure. He leaned over the fence to reach for his sandwich. He fell over the fence. A tiger approached Bob. The zookeeper ran between the stupid zoo customer and the wild beast. The zookeeper tore his rotator cuff.
After Bob dropped his peanut butter sandwich in the tiger’s enclosure, he leaned over the fence to recover his sandwich and fell into the enclosure during which time he was approached by a hungry tiger, forcing the nearby zookeeper to run between Bob and wild beast. During the struggle, the zookeeper tore his rotator cuff.
Don’t Do Subordination Overkill
After Bob dropped his peanut butter sandwich in the tiger’s enclosure, he leaned over the fence to recover his sandwich and fell into the enclosure during which time he was approached by a hungry tiger forcing the nearby zookeeper to run between Bob and the wild beast in such a manner that the zookeeper tore his rotator cuff, which resulted in a prolonged disability leave and the loss of his job, a crisis that compelled the zookeeper to file a lawsuit against Bob for financial damages.