Sentence Fragment Review
Composition and Critical Thinking professor Mike Manderlin was in Prospect College’s faculty bathroom stall. Sucking greedily on a sugarless lemon-honey-flavored throat lozenge, his pants coiled around his ankles, reading his wife’s text: “You might want to check out this YMCA workshop for compulsive overeating,” with a link for registration. When he sensed the presence of Mary Beauregard, one of his students, standing just outside the stall’s locked door. How did he know it was her? Was it her familiar breathing, rasping and emphysemic from her chain smoking? Was it her familiar smell of mothballs and cloying talcum powder wafting from her green nicotine-stained skin? Actually, the tipoff was her signature neon pink luggage cart with her matching tote bag and backpack, which he could see beneath the partitioned stall.
“Mary, I know it’s you. You need to leave. Now.”
“Professor Manderlin, I need to talk to you about my grade.”
“What you’re doing is illegal. I could have campus police arrest you. Now I suggest you leave at once.”
“No, not until you explain why I got a C.”
“We can talk about your grade in my office,” he said. “This is not the place.”
“You didn’t even read my essay about my party catering service, did you.”
“Actually, I did read it. You can make one hundred smoked salmon crostini in a half hour. Very impressive. Did you not read my comments?”
“You said you liked my story of becoming one of the industry’s leading catering services, but that my essay was ‘larded’ with grammar errors. Why do you have to use the word ‘larded’? It’s such a demeaning word, and it hurts my self-esteem.”
“Your trespassing into the faculty men’s room is far more damaging to your self-esteem than any criticism you’ve received.”
“I don’t think so. When it comes to critiquing my papers, I prefer a more gentle approach. Your harsh criticism feels like a slap in the face. You are killing me, Mr. Manderlin.”
Mary’s track record was well known. A forty-year-old student. She had been attending the college for more than a decade and had filed so many grievances against the school that she was known as “Scary Mary.” But Mike never imagined she would break into the faculty bathroom and corner an instructor while he was doing his business.
“Mary, you need to leave the men’s room this very instant, before this goes on your record.”
“Not until you give me more feedback.”
She was now gripping the top of the stall’s partition so he could see her thick, stubby fingers. Stacking her tote bag and backpack on top of her luggage cart to make a precarious stepping stool. She had elevated her 250-pound body so that her head was peeking over the stall. Her tight curly jaundiced hair was wet with sweat. She glowered at her instructor behind her black cat eye glasses and blinked her eyes repeatedly. While crinkling her pointy nose.
“You need to help me,” she said, barely able to catch her breath. “I can’t afford to flunk this class again.”
“Get out of here, Mary, before I have you arrested.”
“No. Not until you explain my grade.”
“You want me to explain your grade? Okay. Your fifth-grade-level incoherent chicken scratch is so bad I stay up at night wondering if the college’s mission to educate the masses is a sham. Your writing is so conspicuously absent of basic critical thinking skills that it makes me want to ram an icepick through my forehead. There. Is that enough explanation for you?”
“You’re a terrible person unworthy of a calling as noble as higher education. I can see you’re incapable of helping me. I’ll leave now.”
“Good idea. And, Mary, I need you to drop my class immediately. If you don’t, I’ll report this incident to campus police and have a restraining order issued against you. Am I clear?”
“I will gladly drop your class. But you should know you have no empathy for your marginal, at-risk students such as myself. I’m going to do some research on Rate My Professor and find someone with more compassion and understanding as I work on completing my education.”
Satisfied with the way she put her professor in his place. She attempted to descend from her makeshift ladder, but she lost her balance and all 250 pounds of her crashed to the ground. Writhing on the tile floor, she shouted that she feared she might have broken several bones and may require a stretcher.
Out of the stall now, Mike looked down at Mary and told her she was going to be fine, but that may need to ice her injuries to reduce possible inflammation.
“Don’t just stand there,” she said. “Help me up.”
“I’m not touching you, Mary. And besides, I’m late for class.”
After his encounter with Mary Beauregard. Mike rushed to his 6 p.m. Critical Thinking class. His students, many of them commuting from a long day at work, were starving at the dinner hour. Because he had a lot of empathy where hunger was concerned, he was lax about the campus-wide no-eating-in-class rules. Sitting at the desks, students were feasting on giant burritos that looked like fluffy pillows. Mike happily imagined sleeping with his head on such a soft burrito, waking up periodically, taking a bite out of his chipotle-infused cushion, resuming sleep, and starting the whole process all over again.
Other students were eating platters of chicken katsu over heaps of white rice drowning in thick brown curry gravy. The spicy curry was so alluring Mike had to muster all his strength not to hover over their plates and scoop mounds of curry into his ravenous mouth.
Some students were gobbling protein bars and washing them down with ice-cold mocha coffee beverages. Topped with white clouds of whipped cream, chocolate chips, rainbow sprinkles, and maraschino cherries.
One resourceful student brought a jar of peanut butter to class and spooned giant gobs of peanut butter on bananas and apple slices.
Another student was eating an oversized hot pastrami sandwich with melted Swiss cheese, mustard, and pickles.
The only thing that stopped Mike from stealing his students’ food with his bare hands and devouring it in front of their terrified faces was the fear that a student would video his piggish spectacle and post the disgusting display on YouTube.
The classroom was so redolent of spices, smoked meats, and vinegar that Mike felt a sharp tingling sensation in his nostrils, and his mouth watered. He look down to make sure there was no drool on his Dacron sport shirt.
In spite of the apples, carrots, and Sriracha almonds he had wolfed down during his office hour. He was so dizzy with hunger that it was all he could do to not cancel class, run across the street to the Middle Eastern restaurant, and inhale several skewers of chicken kabob dipped in their signature smoked paprika hummus.
"Our Baby, Her Womb" by Arlie Russell Hochschild
One. What is a typical surrogate mom situation?
A woman hits about 40 because she's worked during that time, she has a lot of financial resources, and she realizes she's too old to bear a child, so she seeks a younger, less financially endowed woman.
The dynamic of power is someone with money buying someone's body and that body belongs to a someone of modest financial means.
An aside: Just like the documentary we saw on temporary work, whenever we're short on financial resources we find ourselves vulnerable to sacrificing our bodies to survive.
I'd rather be a surrogate mother than work in a chicken farm.
The total cost is $80,000, and this includes psychological evaluations. However, in India, the total cost is $10,000.
Two. What are the typical steps at attempting pregnancy?
First, the husband and wife have a doctor implant their embryo in a surrogate's womb.
If step one doesn't work, step two is combining the husband's sperm with a surrogate's egg (a donor egg) and implanting into another surrogate's womb.
In the case of Dr. Patel, she increases the chances of success by implanting "about five embryos at at time, aborting fetuses if they numbered more than two."
Three. What common abuses exist in the surrogate market?
See "Surrogate Motherhood: A Violation of Human Rights"
See "Commercial Surrogacy Is a Rigged Market in Wombs for Rent"
See "Reject Commercial Surrogacy As Another Form of Human Trafficking"
See this essay about surrogacy and child abuse.
See this essay about allegations of an unfit father.
Four. What are some ways people might defend surrogacy?
Surrogacy provides a moral solution if safeguards are met. However, one may counter-argue that the legal safeguards are too vulnerable to be upheld.
Surrogacy is evil, but in poor countries it can be the lesser of two evils where families otherwise would make no income. Some may counter-argue that the monetary benefits are short-term and are cancelled by the long-term harm done to the surrogate mother who is often forced into surrogacy by her father.
Surrogacy is sometimes done by a loving family member, a sister, a cousin, for two examples, and the final result is joy for all concerned. Some may counter-argue that these cases are the exception, not the rule, and we shouldn't make policies based on rare occurrences.
Fourth Option
In the context of “Our Baby, Her Womb,” support, defend, or complicate the argument that surrogate motherhood is a moral abomination.
Sample Thesis
A close examination of the surrogate motherhood industry reveals it to be a moral abomination evidenced by _______________, ________________, _______________, and ___________________.
Thesis That Defends Surrogacy
With the right regulations, surrogate motherhood can be a viable alternative for couples who depend on this method as way of becoming parents. We're not going to stop the business, so we should regulate it. We shouldn't deprive couples of free choice. In the free market, the transaction can be mutually beneficial.
Thesis That Condemns Surrogacy
Aspiring parents tempted by the promises of surrogacy, do not be deceived. Technology is not a Fairy God Mother who grants us our procreation wishes. Money is not a ticket to gratify our prenatal dreams. Neither technology nor money can cure the moral and legal woes that make surrogate motherhood a deal with the devil worthy of abolishment. That surrogacy must be abolished is evident when we examine _______________, __________________, ___________________, and __________________.
Another Thesis That Condemns Surrogacy
While I want to be fair and acknowledge that there are some instances of healthy surrogate births, the overwhelming evidence shows huge opportunities for abuse for all parties involved. My research shows that children of surrogates suffer from high degrees of depression, surrogate mothers want the child and create a legal nightmare for the family, surrogate mothers and their children alike are treated like commodities, many surrogate children, deemed undesirable, are abandoned, and worst of all, situations bringing up abortion can present a legal tangle, pedophiles traffic these surrogate children around the world with near impunity.
Essay Outline
Summarize the pros and cons in your introduction: 250 words.
Thesis: 150 words.
Four supporting paragraphs 150 each 600 and 400 for 1,000 subtotal.
Two counterargument-rebuttal paragraphs: 300 words. 1,300 total.
Conclusion, a restatement of your thesis: 100-200 words: 1,400-1,500 word total.
Surrogacy Update
"When Parents and Surrogates Disagree on Abortion"
"When Left-Wing Feminists and Conservative Catholics Unite"
"The Dwindling Options for Surrogacy Abroad"
Example of an Essay That Never Uses First, Second, Third, Fourth, Etc., for Transitions But Relies on "Paragraph Links"
Stupid Reasons for Getting Married
People should get married because they are ready to do so, meaning they're mature and truly love one another, and most importantly are prepared to make the compromises and sacrifices a healthy marriage entails. However, most people get married for the wrong reasons, that is, for stupid, lame, and asinine reasons.
Alas, needy narcissists, hardly candidates for successful marriage, glom on to the most disastrous reasons for getting married and those reasons make it certain that their marriage will quickly terminate or waddle precariously along in an interminable domestic hell.
A common and compelling reason that fuels the needy into a misguided marriage is when these fragmented souls see that everyone their age has already married—their friends, brothers, sisters, and, yes, even their enemies. Overcome by what is known today as "FOMO," they feel compelled to “get with the program" so that they may not miss out on the lavish gifts bestowed upon bride and groom. Thus, the needy are rankled by envy and greed and allow their base impulses to be the driving motivation behind their marriage.
When greed is not impelling them to tie the knot, they are also chafed by a sense of being short-changed when they see their recently-married dunce of a co-worker promoted above them for presumably the added credibility that marriage afforded them. As singles, they know they will never be taken seriously at work.
If it's not a lame stab at credibility that's motivating them to get married, it's the fear that they as the years tick by they are becoming less and less attractive and their looks will no longer obscure their woeful character deficiencies as age scrunches them up into little pinch-faced, leathery imps.
A more egregious reason for marrying is to end the tormented, off-on again-off-on again relationship, which needs the official imprimatur of marriage, followed by divorce, to officially terminate the relationship. I spoke to a marriage counselor once who told me that some couples were so desperate to break-up for good that they actually got married, then divorced, for this purpose.
Other pathological reasons to marry are to find a loathsome spouse in order to spite one’s parents or to set a wedding date in order to hire a personal trainer and finally lose those thirty pounds one has been carrying for too long.
Envy, avarice, spite, and vanity fuel both needy men and woman alike. However, there is a certain type of needy man, whom we'll call the Man-Child, who finds that it is easier to marry his girlfriend than it is to have to listen to her constant nagging about their need to get married. His girlfriend’s constant harping about the fact their relationship hasn’t taken the “next logical step” presents a burden so great that marriage in comparison seems benign. Even if the Man-Child has not developed the maturity to marry, even if he isn’t sure if he’s truly in love, even if he is still inextricably linked to some former girlfriend that his current girlfriend does not know about, even if he knows in his heart of hearts that he is not hard-wired for marriage, even if he harbors a secret defect that renders him a liability to any woman, he will dismiss all of these factors and rush into a marriage in order to alleviate his current source of anxiety and suffering, which is the incessant barrage of his girlfriend’s grievances about them not being married.
Indeed, some of needy man’s worst decisions have been made in order to quell a discontented woman. The Man-Child's eagerness to quiet a woman’s discontent points to a larger defect, namely, his spinelessness, which, if left unchecked, turns him into the Go-With-the-Flow-Guy. As the name suggests, this type of man offers no resistance, even in large-scale decisions that affect his destiny. Put this man in a situation where his girlfriend, his friends, and his family are all telling him that “it’s time to get married,” and he will, as his name suggests, simply “go with the flow.” He will allow everyone else to make the wedding plans, he’ll let someone fit him for a wedding suit, he’ll allow his mother to pick out the ring, he’ll allow his fiancé to pick out the look and flavor of the wedding cake and then on the day of the wedding, he simply “shows up” with all the passion of a turnip.
The Man-Child's passivity and his aversion to argument insure marital longevity. However, there are drawbacks. Most notably, he will over time become so silent that his wife won’t even be able to get a word out of him. Over the course of their fifty-year marriage he’ll go with her to restaurants with a newspaper and read it, ignoring her. His impassivity is so great that she could tell him about the “other man” she is seeing and he wouldn’t blink an eye. At home he is equally reticent, watching TV or reading with an inexpressive, dull-eyed demeanor suggestive of a half dead lizard.
Whatever this reptilian man lacks as a social animal is made up by the fact that he is docile and is therefore non-threatening, a condition that everyone, including his wife, prefers to the passionate male beast whose strong, irreverent opinions will invariably rock the boat and deem that individual a trouble maker. The Go-With-the-Flow-Guy, on the other hand, is reliably safe and as such makes for controlling women a very good catch in spite of his tendency to be as charismatic and flavorful as a cardboard wafer.
A desperate marriage motivation exclusively owned by needy, immature men is the belief that since they have pissed off just about every other woman on the planet, they need to find refuge by marrying the only woman whom they haven’t yet thoroughly alienated—their current girlfriend. According to sports writer Rick Reilly, baseball slugger Barry Bonds’ short-lived reality show was a disgrace in part because for Reilly the reality show is “the last bastion of the scoundrel.” Likewise, for many men who have offended over 99% of the female race with their pestilent existence, marriage is the last sanctuary for the despised male who has stepped on so many women’s toes that he is, understandably, a marked man.
Therefore, these men aren’t so much getting married as much as they are enlisting in a “witness protection program.” They are after all despised and targeted by their past female enemies for all their lies and betrayals and running out of allies they see that marriage makes a good cover as they try to blend in with mainstream society and take on a role that is antithetical to their single days as lying, predatory scoundrels.
The analogy between marriage and a witness protection program is further developed when we see that for many men marriage is their final stab at earning public respectability because they are, as married men, proclaiming to the world that they have voluntarily shackled themselves with the chains of domesticity in order that they may be spared greater punishments, the bulk of which will be exacted upon by the women whom they used and manipulated for so many years.
Because it is assumed that their wives will keep them in check, their wives become, in a way, equivalent to the ankle bracelet transmitters worn by parolees who are only allowed to travel within certain parameters. Marriage anchors man close to the home and, combined with the wife’s reliable issuing of house chores and other domestic duties, the shackled man is rendered safely tethered to his “home base” where his wife can observe him sharply to make sure he doesn’t backslide into the abhorrent behavior of his past single life.
Many men will see the above analysis of marriage as proof that their fear of marriage as a prison was right all along, but what they should learn from the analogy between marriage and prison is that they are more productive, more socialized, more softened around his hard edges, and more protected, both from the outside world and from themselves by being shackled to their domestic duties. With these improvements in their lives, they have actually, within limits, attained a freedom they could never find in single life.
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