Breakthrough Writer: Escape from Camp 14 Lessons

September 03, 2013

Escape from Camp 14 Lesson Three: Using Parallelism in Your Thesis Statements

Writing Introductions and Conclusions for Your College Essay

Example of a Personal Anecdote for Your Introduction:

I was at this college party back when I was in my early twenties and an attractive girl who knew me from Introduction to Art class walked up to me, not because she liked me, but because she needed to get something off her chest. She said, “I need to tell you something. You’re not the kind of person people gravitate to. You have this face that makes people feel stupid and you look like you’re always inhaling foul odors.”

Then keeping her head turned toward me, she walked backwards across the room and put her arm around this evenly tanned guy who was the type of person presumably free of my sour expression and she smiled contemptuously at me as if to say, “See you later, loser.” And to add to the insult, she made this face at me as if being in my presence had afflicted her with a dark cloud of stench and now she was leaving that stench and entering a more fragrant world where everyone smiled at each other because everyone smelled like fresh lilac.

I was stunned by the raw disdain she expressed toward me and I was equally stunned by the truth that I didn’t want to hear: I do have a way of looking at people like I’m judging them severely and that I’m smelling foul odors from them as if I disapprove of their entire existence.

I don’t think I asked to be this way. Look at my childhood photos and look at me today and it’s the same face: a brooding creature forced to endure This Mistake We Call Life. My parents tried to cheer me up when I was a kid. They took me to circuses, carnivals, puppet shows, but these entertainments only made me worse. Frustrated by my gloominess, my father would say, “Jesus, son, it looks like a birdy went poo-poo on your lip.”

My father was taken back perhaps by my churlish attitude, which he didn’t want to see in me. Thankfully, over time I became a little less angry so that whereas before I ranked a 10 on the Pissed-Off Scale, I have over the years tempered my ranking to a 6 or a 7. This isn't ideal, of course, but it's better than raging full-volume. In life we take improvement wherever we can get it. We may not be totally free of our afflictions, but we can say we've made progress.

The same could be said of Shin, who escaped a North Korean prison, so wonderfully chronicled in Escape from Camp 14. Our professor Jeff McMahon has asked us to argue whether or not Shin has achieved mental freedom or is still a prisoner of his past demons for our first research paper. The answer to McMahon's inquiry is a bit of both, for while Shin continues to wrestle arduously with the demons of his past, we can make a compelling case that his new life outside of prison points to one of freedom evidenced by his growing self-awareness, his devotion to using his platform to expose humanitarian crises throughout the world, and by examining his struggle, not only as a personal pathology, but as a universal affliction, which connects Shin with the entire human race.

Essay Outline

Page 1. Personal Narrative Is Your Introduction

Page 2. Thesis

Pages 3-4. Shin's "eternal afflictions" suggesting mental slavery

Pages 5-6. Evidence pointing to Shin's mental freedom

Page 7. Works Cited

For a college-level essay, you must be able to write a thesis with a parallel structure.

Of course, you should use parallel structure, or parallelism, for all your clauses and thesis mapping components. You should also be able to identify parallel errors and correct them.

Here are common parallel structure errors.

North Korean refugees tend to be paranoid, depressed, distrusful, and afflicted with nighmares. (nightmare-afflicted)

A person brutalized in the North Korean camps, subject to torture, ordered to snitch on the prisoners, and not getting ample food is doomed to a life of PTSD. (afflicted with starvation)

Example of thesis statements with parallel structure errors:

The implementation of the death penalty is barbaric, cruel and evidences racism against non-whites. (racist)

While I don't personally use marijuana, this common drug should be legalized to reduce crime, to allow law enforcement to focus on real criminal activity, and its many benefits for people with health issues. (to provide relief for those who are suffering with health problems.)

Applying Parallelism to Two of Our Essay Topics

Forces that Impede Shin from Enjoying Freedom

One. Ignorance of love, Shine never had it or experienced it. See pages, 6,7: He was not allowed contact with a woman.

Two. He struggles to trust others, to reach out to others. See page 10. On page 167, we see he hides in a cocoon, refusing to join society.

Three. People struggle to trust him. No fact checking system for claims about North Korea. And Shin has changed his story, especially the story about the death of his mother. See page 10.

Four. He suffers from survival shame. See page 13. "Why did I make it while everyone else has to suffer?"

Five. On page 18 we see he was raised to hate himself, to see himself as the product of his parents' sinful union. On page 181 we see that he suffers from "contaminated identity" and is "preoccupied with shame, self-loathing, and a sense of failure."

Six. He was raised to be indifferent about history so he doesn't learn about real history when he moves to South Korea. He just zones out on the internet. Acclimation to a new environment means getting to know its history. See page 163.

Seven. On page 164 we see he suffers from paranoia, which South Koreans interpret as rude or weird behavior, so he remains isolated.

Eight. On pages 164 and 165, we see he has panic attacks that make everyday life almost impossible. Chronic nightmares remind him of his horror. See page 166.

Nine. On page 167, we see he has no work ethic since work is associated with punishment in North Korea. A strong work ethic is essential in most countries, including South Korea.

Ten. On page 167 we see he has a lack of family connections and this reinforces his isolation.

Class Exercise: Get into groups of 2 or 3 and write a thesis with 4 mapping components that show parallel structure.

A logical introduction would be to define PTSD in the general sense and then transition to its specifica application to Shin.

Posted at 01:36 PM in Escape from Camp 14 Lessons | Permalink | Comments (0)

August 31, 2013

Escape from Camp 14 Lesson Two: Preparing for Your Essay and Quizzes

1. This research paper should present a thesis that is specific, manageable, provable, and contestable—in other words, the thesis should offer a clear position, stand, or opinion that will be proven with research. You should analyze and prove your thesis using examples and quotes from a variety of sources.

2. You need to research and cite from at least five sources. You must use at least 3 different types of sources.

At least one source must be from an ECC library database. (See tutorial for using ECC library database)
At least one source must be a book, anthology or textbook.
At least one source must be from a credible website, appropriate for academic use.
The paper should not over-rely on one main source for most of the information. Rather, it should use multiple sources and synthesize the information found in them.

3. This paper will be approximately 5-7 pages in length, not including the Works Cited page, which is also required. This means at least 5 full pages of text. The Works Cited page does NOT count towards length requirement. (See Sample Works Cited page)

Also see MLA Works Cited Rules from Santa Monica College

4. You must use MLA format for the document, in-text citations, and Works Cited page.

5. You must integrate quotations and paraphrases using signal phrases and analysis or commentary. Also show a use of diverse signal phrases for your quotations. Here's another good signal phrase link.

6. You must sustain your argument, use transitions effectively, and use correct grammar, spelling, and punctuation.

7. Your paper must be logically organized and focused.

Sample MLA Research Paper 1

Sample MLA Research Paper 2

Sample MLA Research Papers (various) 3

Sample MLA Research Paper 4

Sample MLA Research Paper 5

A successful paragraph is like a mini essay. Instead of a thesis, it has a topic sentence. Instead of mapping components, the paragraph has supporting details.

An A paragraph contains the following: Structurally, it contains a topic sentence, either explicit or implicit; it has supporting concrete details; its supporting details logically follow the other, which give the paragraph coherence; it contains transitions (avoid, if you can, elementary transitions such as first, second, third, and so on), which give the paragraph cohesiveness. Rhetorically speaking, an A paragraph should be written in a passionate, distinctive voice. The language should be precise, lively, and colorful, reflecting the writer’s passion for the subject.

A successful paragraph has the following:

1. topic sentence (mini thesis)

2. supporting details

3. unity: all the supporting details are relevant to the topic sentence

4. cohesiveness: all the supporting details logically follow the other with the help of transitions. Advanced writers attempt to use transitions other than the familiar “first . . . second . . . third . . . Finally”

5. concluding sentence (optional)

Sample A Paragraph Response

The innovation of the iPod and its marriage partner, iTunes, have seemingly created Listening Paradise for the music lover. Now you can have thousands of songs at your fingertips and customize your own playlists, make ratings, burn your own CDs and in essence believe that it's you--not the recording artists--who is the “creative genius” for all your music. But in fact, you will most likely face the sad truth that as you amass thousands upon thousands of songs, you will reach a point in which your ability to appreciate music will actually diminish, not deepen, because having tens of thousands of songs and hundreds of playlists will degrade your music listening pleasure. The first thing you’ll notice is that you won’t even remember what songs you have and the treasures that used to give you so much joy become buried under a pile of newer and newer songs that muddle your memory. The second thing that will happen is that in your determination to listen to as much of your music as possible, you will create huge playlists and the music will play all day and night as you multi-task at your computer so that you’re not really focusing on music the way you used to. Your relationship with music has changed drastically to the point that it is now a form of “wallpaper,” a droning in the distance that swaths you with a feeling of security. But whatever security you gain from cocooning yourself in your music, you will lose from becoming more and more self-conscious about what kind of songs you own because you’ll become aware that you live in a culture in which your identity is judged largely on your playlists and “brand identity” as determined by your music tastes will become more important than actually enjoying music. Finally, when you have hundreds and hundreds of playlists, you will suffer from “choice anxiety.” Fretting over what to play and always worrying that you’re neglecting a huge chunk of your music will become a distraction that compromises your music-listening experience. Thus we are a culture with the technology capable of fitting 40,000 songs on an iPod, but our brains cannot embrace that much music without suffering some kind of permanent meltdown.

Using College-Level Transition Variety Between Paragraphs

Try to avoid using the same paragraph transitions such as "The first reason I disagree with Jeffrey Masson . . . The second reason I disagree . . . The third reason . . ."

Look at THIS PARAGRAPH TRANSITION LINK to see varied ways of developing paragraph transitions.

Here's another paragraph transition link.

Stupid Reasons for Getting Married

People should get married because they are ready to do so, meaning they're mature and truly love one another, and most importantly are prepared to make the compromises and sacrifices a healthy marriage entails. However, most people get married for the wrong reasons, that is, for stupid reasons.

Alas, needy people glom on to the most disastrous reasons for getting married and those reasons make it certain that their marriage will quickly terminate or waddle precariously along in an interminable domestic hell.

A common and compelling reason that fuels the needy into a misguided marriage is when these needy souls see that everyone their age has already married—their friends, brothers, sisters, and, yes, even their enemies. They begin to feel terribly needy and anxious and feel compelled to “get with the program.”

Additionally, they see their siblings have received thousands of dollars in wedding gifts and have been lavished with attention from all the relatives.

Thus, the needy are rankled by envy. They are also chafed by a sense of being short-changed when they see their recently-married dunce of a co-worker promoted above them for presumably the added credibility that marriage afforded them. As singles, they know they will never be taken seriously at work. There is also the fear that they as the years tick by they are becoming less and less attractive and their looks will no longer obscure their woeful character deficiencies.

A more egregious reason for marrying is to end the tormented, off-on again-off-on again relationship, which needs the official imprimatur of marriage, followed by divorce, to officially terminate the relationship. I spoke to a marriage counselor once who told me that some couples were so desperate to break-up for good that they actually got married, then divorced, for this purpose.

Other pathological, and often needy, reasons to marry are to find a loathsome spouse in order to spite one’s parents or to set a wedding date in order to hire a personal trainer and finally lose those thirty pounds one has been carrying for too long.

Envy, avarice, spite, and vanity fuel both needy men and woman alike. However, there is a certain type of needy man who finds that it is easier to marry his girlfriend than it is to have to listen to her constant nagging about their need to get married. His girlfriend’s constant harping about the fact their relationship hasn’t taken the “next logical step” presents a burden so great that marriage in comparison seems benign. Even if he has not developed the maturity to marry, even if he isn’t sure if he’s truly in love, even if he is still inextricably linked to some former girlfriend that his current girlfriend does not know about, even if he knows in his heart of hearts that he is not hard-wired for marriage, even if he harbors a secret defect that renders him sterile, he will dismiss all of these factors and rush into a marriage in order to alleviate his current source of anxiety and suffering, which is the incessant barrage of his girlfriend’s grievances about them not being married.

Indeed, some of needy man’s worst decisions have been made in order to quell a discontented woman. The needy man’s eagerness to quiet a woman’s discontent points to a larger defect, namely, his spinelessness, which, if left unchecked, turns him into the Go-With-the-Flow-Guy. As the name suggests, this type of man offers no resistance, even in large-scale decisions that affect his destiny. Put this man in a situation where his girlfriend, his friends, and his family are all telling him that “it’s time to get married,” and he will, as his name suggests, simply “go with the flow.” He will allow everyone else to make the wedding plans, he’ll let someone fit him for a wedding suit, he’ll allow his mother to pick out the ring, he’ll allow his fiancé to pick out the look and flavor of the wedding cake and then on the day of the wedding, he simply “shows up” with all the passion of a turnip.

His passivity and his aversion to argument insure marital longevity. However, there are drawbacks. Most notably, he will over time become so silent that his wife won’t even be able to get a word out of him. Over the course of their fifty-year marriage he’ll go with her to restaurants with a newspaper and read it, ignoring her. His impassivity is so great that she could tell him about the “other man” she is seeing and he wouldn’t blink an eye. At home he is equally reticent, watching TV or reading with an inexpressive, dull-eyed demeanor.

Whatever this silent man lacks as a social animal is made up by the fact that he is docile and is therefore non-threatening, a condition that everyone, including his wife, prefers to the passionate male beast whose strong, irreverent opinions will invariably rock the boat and deem that individual a trouble maker. The Go-With-the-Flow-Guy, on the other hand, is reliably safe and as such makes for controlling women a very good catch in spite of his tendency to be as charismatic and flavorful as a cardboard wafer.

A desperate marriage motivation exclusively owned by needy men is the belief that since they have pissed off just about every other woman on the planet, they need to find refuge by marrying the only woman whom they haven’t yet thoroughly alienated—their current girlfriend. According to sports writer Rick Reilly, baseball slugger Barry Bonds’ short-lived reality show was a disgrace in part because for Reilly the reality show is “the last bastion of the scoundrel.”

Likewise, for many men who have offended over 99% of the female race with their pestilent existence, marriage is the last sanctuary for the despised male who has stepped on so many women’s toes that he is, understandably, a marked man.

Therefore, these men aren’t so much getting married as much as they are enlisting in a “witness protection program.” They are after all despised and targeted by their past female enemies for all their lies and betrayals and running out of allies they see that marriage makes a good cover as they try to blend in with mainstream society and take on a role that is antithetical to their single days as lying, predatory scoundrels.

Additionally, marriage’s well-known neutering effect on over-sexed single males makes these men less threatening and contributes, they hope, to pacifying the scorn of their former lovers.

The analogy between marriage and a witness protection program is further developed when we see that for many men marriage is their final stab at earning public respectability because they are, as married men, proclaiming to the world that they have voluntarily shackled themselves with the chains of domesticity in order that they may be spared greater punishments, the bulk of which will be exacted upon by the women whom they used and manipulated for so many years.

Because it is assumed that their wives will keep them in check, their wives become, in a way, equivalent to the ankle bracelet transmitters worn by parolees who are only allowed to travel within certain parameters. Marriage anchors man close to the home and, combined with the wife’s reliable issuing of house chores and other domestic duties, the shackled man is rendered safely tethered to his “home base” where his wife can observe him sharply to make sure he doesn’t backslide into the abhorrent behavior of his past single life.

Many men will see the above analysis of marriage as proof that their fear of marriage as a prison was right all along, but what they should learn from the analogy between marriage and prison is that they are more productive, more socialized, more softened around his hard edges, and more protected, both from the outside world and from themselves by being shackled to their domestic duties. With these improvements in their lives, they have actually, within limits, attained a freedom they could never find in single life.

Looking Down Into Hell at Camp 22

Survivor of Camp 14

Witness Accounts

The world does nothing because it is in denial.

War would bring nuclear holocaust.

Posted at 07:31 AM in Escape from Camp 14 Lessons | Permalink | Comments (0)

May 08, 2013

Escape from Camp 14 Lesson One: Dehumanization

Essay Assignment

Write a 6-page research paper that develops a thesis about the forces that impede Shin Dong-hyuk from achieving psychological freedom. Consider PTSD, Stockholm Syndrome, and the book Trauma and Recovery by Judith Lewis Herman (see page 181 in the book).

When we talk about psychological freedom, we have to understand the opposite, mental slavery.

Mental slavery is based on at least two things:

Pleasure, the brain's pleasure centers, which can create addictive behavior.

Trauma, which can result in avoidance behavior.

This research paper should present a thesis that is specific, manageable, provable, and contestable—in other words, the thesis should offer a clear position, stand, or opinion that will be proven with research. You should analyze and prove your thesis using examples and quotes from a variety of sources.

You need to research and cite from at least five sources. You must use at least 3 different types of sources.

At least one source must be from an ECC library database.

At least one source must be a book, anthology or textbook.

At least one source must be from a credible website, appropriate for academic use.

The paper should not over-rely on one main source for most of the information. Rather, it should use multiple sources and synthesize the information found in them.

This paper will be approximately 5-7 pages in length, not including the Works Cited page, which is also required. This means at least 5 full pages of text. The Works Cited page does NOT count towards length requirement.

You must use MLA format for the document, in-text citations, and Works Cited page.

You must integrate quotations and paraphrases using signal phrases and analysis or commentary.

You must sustain your argument, use transitions effectively, and use correct grammar, spelling, and punctuation.

Your paper must be logically organized and focused

How does the dehumanization process happen to Shin and the other prisoners? And how will this process affect him for all his days?

One. Strip a man of all his belongings, including clothes is powerful symbolically because his complete nakedness represents complete helplessness and powerlessness to both himself and the guards. In prison, they guards strip the prisoners of their clothes in the sense that they make them wear worthless rags, sometimes frozen with urine.

Two. The guards will humiliate the prisoners, explaining that they are losers who can only redeem themselves by fulfilling their duties.

Three. Impose strict rules, which must be rigidly enforced to keep a sharp dividing line between the powerful and the powerless: There are rituals of “respect” that must be maintained lest the prisoners suffer the guards’ wrath.

Four. The dehumanization can only occur in mutual interdependence and cooperation: a cruel symbiosis between guards and prisoners.

Five. The prisoners mean nothing in the face of the guards’ power. The guards make the prisoners perform humiliating tasks, which are really exercises in self-abnegation.

Six. The guards strip the male prisoners of their masculinity by the odious work, which are a reminder of who has all the power and who must be obedient.

Seven. Disobedience to the group will lead to being shunned, ostracized, demonized, and worse, killed.

Eight. The guards make the prisoners perform tedious acts that remind the students that they are insignificant, less human and more animal.

Nine. Reinforce power by assigning arbitrary, meaningless tasks and gratuitous acts of humiliation.

Ten. Ignore people. You dehumanize people by ignoring them. You show them that they are "nothing." Read the horror novel The Ignored based on the author's real experience in a business environment.

Shin's Past Will Haunt Him:

Distrust Is "Normal"

We read that Shin was "not torn from civilization." Hell was his home, his "normal."Eating rats and frogs is necessary for surival. Everyone is rewarded for snitching on each other. As a result, he is paranoid, even now that he is free. He trusts hardly anyone, thinking they will sell him out.

No Self-Worth Was Imprinted

Shin was essentially the result of "slave breeding" and he was born to die in the worst slave camp of all, where no one can be "redeemed."

No Such Thing as Family, Only Competition

Shin has no family bonds. Everyone, including his mother, is competition for food.

How to Write a Thesis Statement for a College Research Paper

Academic Support Center

Owl Purdue

Thesis Mapping Writing Center

The Six Questions Should Should Ask When Developing Your Thesis:

1. Is the topic conducive for an argumentative or analytical thesis? An argument gives reasons for your position. An analysis gives causes behind a phenomenon that is being examined.

2. Can I break down my thesis into parts, reasons, causes? Parts, reasons, causes are all called mapping components.

3. Does my thesis answer a meaningful, compelling question?

4. Do I have the honesty and integrity to change my thesis if evidence compels me to do so?

5. Can I state my thesis in a single sentence?

6. Does my professor like my thesis statement?

Thesis Exercise:

Thesis Approach: Shin Is Or Is Not Free Or Is a Bit of Both

Too General

Shin is free in the world but not free in his mind and spirit.

While Shin has escaped the horrors of North Korea, he is still not a free man.

Shin's life shines with freedom.

More Specific with the Mapping Components

While trying to navigate in the free world, Shin finds himself imprisoned by undying demons of PTSD, which include paranoia, depression, avoidance, memory triggers, survivor guilt, and insomnia.

Essay Structure for Above:

Page 1. Summarize the book

Page 2. Develop a thesis that analyzes the alienation, depression, anti-social impulses, distrust, and other forces that define Shin's mental "slavery" and his inability to be fully free.

Pages 2-6. Body paragraphs will develop your mapping components.

Page 7. Works Cited page.

Another, perhaps better thesis:

While Shin is clearly still shackled to the demons of his past, rendering him a mental slave in many ways, there is much in his life today that points to his freedom. We see in a recent Anderson Cooper interview that he has the self-awareness to see himself as "an animal evolving into a human." We see that he has turned his suffering into meaning by raising awareness about humanitarian crises from both today and the past. We also see that Shin, like all of us, is someone who doesn't have absolute freedom but for who freedom is a process.

Structure for above thesis:

Page 1. Summarize book.

Page 2. Thesis

Pages 3-4. Show the demons that afflict Shin's freedom and make him a slave.

Pages 5-6. Show the behaviors that evidence Shin's march toward freedom.

Page 7. Works Cited page.

List of Common Verbs Used in Signal Phrases

Acknowledges
Adds
Admits
Addresses
Argues
Asserts
Believes
Claims
Comments
Compares
Confirms

Contends
Declares
Denies
Disputes
Emphasizes
Endorses
Grants
Illustrates
Implies
Insists
Notes

Observes
Points out
Reasons
Refutes
Rejects
Reports
Responds
Suggests
Thinks
Writes

Sample Paragraph Using Signal Phrases (I underlined signal phrases)

Often when we think we are in heaven we are actually in hell and when think we’re in hell we are actually in heaven. Or in the words of my English Professor Jeff McMahon, “When we think we are rising in life we are actually falling and when we think we are falling we are actually rising.” These words aptly fit the tormented soul Shin Dong-hyuk whose life remains shackled by guilt, dissolution, and depression. As McMahon observes in his college blog The Breakthrough Writer, “Yes, Shin is a slave, but he is also immersed in a struggle to help others, which points to his freedom.” It is over-simplistic, McMahon argues, to pin Shin a free or imprisoned man. As McMahon puts it, “Shin is a messy tangle of contradictions, both freer than most of us and more enslaved. To simplify his condition is to diminish his suffering to pointless absurdity.”

In a typed, double-spaced quiz, answer the following questions in two or three complete sentences and use examples from the book. Quiz is graded on content, grammar, and diction (correct and precise language choice). Again, no rewrites so make sure you proofread your quiz.

One. Describe in detail the dark secret that proves to be the cause of Shin's incapacitating guilt?

Two. Whether you agree or not, explain the idea that Shin's behavior, like everyone else's in Camp 14, was based on a radically different moral code than people who do not struggle to survive in a North Korean prison camp and that this different moral code compels us to judge Shin differently from those of us who live in the free world.

Introducing Your Essay Slideshow

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Book Reviews