1
Man is more in love with the idea of loving a single car than he is capable of loving a single car. His imagination allows him to believe that there is a Car Uber Alles or Holy Grail, which will smitten his heart and transform his inner life for all eternity but the disparity between his grandiose imagination and the banal reality of car ownership inevitably breeds discontent. For there is no car in this earthly world that can compete with the ethereal car that seethes and flickers inside man’s imagination. The car websites, the car magazines, and the car shows, which often feature a car under special shadows, light and iridescence and which describe the car in hyperbolic, messianic language, all exist to flame the fires of man’s imagination and to impede him from seeing the imminent disenchantment of acquiring what he desires. The huge gulf between what man believes to be the Absolute Car and the disappointment of the real thing is expressed in an aphorism by Kierkegaard who wrote that “Fulfillment is in the wish.” It is precisely this state of wishing, far more than owning, that galvanizes man’s passions and affirms his hunger for life. Therefore, we must conclude that man is happier obsessing over cars than he is actually owning and maintaining them. For what man is pursuing is not a car at all but its elusive, mythical representation, what the ancient Greeks called a chimera.
2
Literature is rife with stories about compulsive souls whose misguided search for an Absolute is in fact the quest for some chimera or other, which, like Captain Ahab’s search for the White Whale, is the expression of their own inner demons. Not surprisingly, these quests always entail a deal with the devil and end with death and perdition. Beholden to their own chimera, many chronic car junkies are unaware that they as they hunt for the Ultimate Car they are living out the same Chimera Narrative, which must end in destitution, death and punishment.
3
Man needs to believe he is fixated on one car because such fixation affirms his belief that he is the type of man who “knows what he wants.” Man needs to believe that he is certain of his desires because this type of certitude is rooted in the code of masculinity. Certainty is considered a masculine quality. Doubt, on the other hand, is a sign of weakness and, erroneously, is often associated with femininity. Therefore, an insecure man who feels compelled to prove his masculinity to himself and to others needs to believe that he has found the One Car and that in finding it he is asserting his masculine power. This power results in man’s ability to find “definitive” representations of what he wants and having “definitive” knowledge is a sign of dominance.
4
In constant opposition to man’s desire to be in love with one car, and the dominance that it represents, is his compulsion to fall in love with different cars in accordance with his changing moods. For example, his rugged self desires a jeep. His elegant self demands the sumptuous and streamline qualities of a European sport car. His practical self makes him desire something economical and reliable. In addition to his competing needs are his shifting fancies. One day a car looks attractive, but inexplicably the same car will suddenly look homely, then attractive, then homely again, and on and on. He is loath to admit it, but when it comes to cars he is prone to whimsy so that he torments himself, going on dozens of car websites and “dressing up” different cars as he searches for the One Car that will turn him on more than the others. His search is a feeble one since what he is looking for is not a car at all but a form of transcendence.
5
Man cannot tolerate being in a state of indecision when it comes to car. Without being able to “lock in” on one car, he feels restless and feminized, for he associates capricious tastes with his female counterparts and he sees his inability to zero in on one car as a sign of weakness. Therefore, he earnestly seeks to fall in love with a single car. His desperation to achieve this goal often compels him to convince himself that he has fallen in love with a car when in truth he is simply drawn to a car because it is “the car of choice” or it is known to be a “man’s car.” In this case, he does not really appreciate the virtues of a particular roadster. Nor does the car in question cause a tingle to surge up his spine. Rather, this flaccid soul assumes that owning a popular car will earn the respect of his male brethren, so he decides on his “favorite” car even when this is not really the case. Such a man is incapable of authenticity and as such is prone to conforming to what he perceives are the trends created by others. Such a man is called a philistine and he is incapable of truly loving anything other than his own vanity.
6
Man’s recognition that his love for a trendy car has become a cliché results in shame and self-loathing and the urgent desire to find a “new” car that has not yet been “discovered” by the masses. To find this “undiscovered” car, he will go on various chat sites, immerse himself in arduous research, and reach find his “stealth ride” or his “wolf in sheep’s clothing,” but he will discover that his “secret” car has in fact become the very cliché he has tried to escape. In fact, he will find that he has become a victim to shrewd marketing in which certain cars are presented as being for car buyers “in the know.” Knowing that he is a victim of such marketing ploys, however, will not impede him from purchasing these allegedly little-known-about cars, for his objective is not to have a genuine connection to his car but to enjoy the reputation of a savvy, cunning car owner.
7
Man’s steady love of one car is proof that he is not, like the average consumer, subject to the fluctuations of taste as commanded by the clever marketers and affirms the authenticity of his car love. Once he is convinced of his authenticity, he can now justify, to his wife and to himself, making several years of car payments for a car that he cannot really afford.
8
Men of modest means are more susceptible to falling in love with expensive cars than men of unlimited resources. For rich men have the privilege of buying any car they please and replacing the car as their whims dictate. This constant changing of cars gives rich men a blasé attitude toward car ownership and eventually they will even have contempt for their hundred-thousand-dollar cars. The man with modest resources, on the other hand, sees the expensive car as something “just out of his reach” and this sense that the car “teases” him gives the car an allure that cannot exist for the wealthy man. Therefore, the state of loving cars is the expression of middle-class man flailing his arms with discontent at his modest economic condition while the rich man looks on at his middle-class car-loving counterparts with a bemused, arched expression—usually behind the wheel of an exotic sports car.
9
Man often falls in love with a car as a substitute for religious devotion. Lacking any faith in a personal God or one presented by a religious institution, man feels compelled to fill his spiritual void through technological transcendence. Owing to the car’s visibility and mobility and the ecstatic way it is featured in advertisements, man is susceptible to believing the car will help transform him spiritually. What kind of car he chooses reveals his religious sensibility. A large, bullying sport utility vehicle suggests one “religion, ” that of smug, self-complacent consumerism, while a sleek miniature commuter car suggests another one altogether, that of a more minimalist, conscientious sensibility. Different gods, different cars, different worshippers. The battle lines are drawn. Religious strife in a consumer society is not so much theological as it is technological and aesthetic.
10
Just as man needs to love a car, he must also despise “lesser” cars with equal intensity for his love and hatred establish his tribal unity and clarifies his personal identity and his personal aesthetic. For it is men who love cars the most who are also the most offended by cars that violate their sense of high-quality engineering and design. The car lover’s wrath is usually exacted upon those glittery cars that enjoy popularity but which possess flagrant engineering defects. A wide turning radius, a gutless engine, cheap plastic interior materials, and a lumpy sofa suspension are common culprits, especially when they are packaged in a car that looks flashy or retro or is supposed to appeal to female drivers. Owning such a car will stigmatize a man and strip him of his masculinity.
11
Man’s love for a car often compels him to proselytize the car’s virtues, not so much for the sake of the listener, but for his own benefit. Trumpeting the “advantages” of his beloved car, man keeps his religious fervor alive for his own benefit, namely to justify all the energy and money he’s invested in his automobile. Over time, this proselytizer will become a bore as it becomes apparent that all he can talk about is his car, which becomes a substitute for talking about himself.
12
Man’s knowledge of his favorite car gives him a sense of expertise and mastery that he cannot find in other areas of his life. While he has failed in education, relationships, and in professional fields, the car enthusiast can console himself with the notion that his knowing more about cars than the average person gives him a certain cachet that makes him special. Considering how huge cars are in our society from a cultural and economic standpoint, the car enthusiast feels he has tapped into something larger than himself and as such he has made himself an elevated member of society.
13
Man’s love for a car is often accompanied by self-abnegation for his personal identity disappears as he identifies with something larger than himself. This in fact is the essence of man substituting car worship for religion. He is no longer a human being since all his human characteristics have become subsumed by the assumed virtues of his favorite automobile.
14
Living in a culture bereft of meaningful rituals and social cohesion, man often falls in love with a particular car because his unbridled car passion grants him admission into a larger community of likeminded car lovers. Society is rich with misfits and lonely eccentrics who find unity in their shared car love. Creating informal clubs and discussing car on chat sites, they meet at the same fast food parking lot one night a week with their cars and share notes on after-market products they use to give their cars their own personal touch. We see in these communal gatherings that the car is used as a way of bringing lonely people together in a society that is desperate for shared experience.
15
The steady love of one car creates a parallel universe that the car enthusiast, like the novelist, can find refuge in. The stress and sense of futility of modern life compels man to find escape. Because of the car’s power as a symbol of potency and change, man is comforted by his ongoing car passion, which requires him to constantly upgrade and to maintain his automobiles and give him the illusion that he is immersed in the “creative act” and as such has found meaning in his life.
16
The love of a single car affords the libertine with a sense of fidelity that he cannot achieve with a woman. Full of self-loathing for his life as a predatory satyr, the miscreant soothes his stricken conscience by maintaining loyalty to his favorite car and by doing so he proves to himself that he is capable of exercising loyalty to his beloved.
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