Dear Mr. Man Points,
My roommates tease me because I’m constantly changing my underwear, sometimes three times a day. I’ve explained to them that frequent changes are a good way to avoid ball sweat, jock rot, and general unpleasant smelliness, but they say all my underwear changing is resulting in the loss of Man Points. Who’s right?
Your roommates are correct in detecting an absence of manliness in your obsessive-compulsive underwear changing. Yes, you should change your underwear, but not as often as you seem to believe. While your underwear is indeed your most intimate garment and you want to keep your privates as clean and powdery dry as possible, your trice daily underwear changes are both excessive and unnecessary, and I dare say a bit neurotic. What then is a reasonable underwear-changing frequency? I’d say that for Confident Man every other day makes good sense because then you’re doing only half the laundry; plus you only have to stock half the underwear of your average underwear-hoarding ignoramus. Now I suspect you probably chafe at the thought of wearing underwear two successive days, but it’s not really that bad when you take into account a little “trick” I’ve developed. What you do is you turn your underwear inside out on the second day so that, for all practical purposes, you’re really wearing a fresh pair of underwear on a daily basis. Yes, the brainwashed masses would cringe if they knew you were wearing the same pair of underwear two days in a row, but it’s not like they have to know. It’s not like you’re wearing a Scottish kilt or a mini skirt or anything. So just relax and enjoy the wellbeing and self-satisfaction that comes from knowing that you’re a liberated man who doesn’t get duped by all of society’s intrusive and completely irrational conventions. Acclimating to my every-other-day underwear routine is your first step to Full Manly Liberation in which gradually you will be able to wear no underwear at all. For it is well established among Men In The Know that free-ballin’ maximizes Man Points.
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