Herculodge

Saving Your Manhood Tip #14: It's Okay to Get a Doll As Long As It's the Right Doll

In general, those of us at Man Points, Incorporated, discourage grown men, and adolescent and pre-adolescent ones for that matter, playing with dolls. However, there are exceptions. For example, an action figure who embodies all of the greatest qualities of the Male Code, such as the Randy Couture Figurine.

6 Reasons the Boston Acoustics Horizon Solo Will Replace the Recepter

Inexplicably, Target in Torrance, CA, prematurely stocked the brand new $99 Boston Acoustics Horizon Solo, which I purchased and tested against my $149 Boston Acoustics Recepter. A comparison test makes it clear that the new Horizon Solo, which, like the Recepter has 20 presets on a tuning knob, is for many reasons a superior radio to the Recepter and for 50 dollars less. It appears to me that the Horizon Solo will push the Recepter out of the market and effectively replace it. Here are 5 reasons:

One: The tuner on the Recepter for AM/FM is almost perfect but unbelievably the Horizon Solo is even better on AM making even less background noise. FM is also markedly stronger on the Horizon Solo so that I don't even have to elevate the FM wire antenna 99% of the time.

Two: The Horizon Solo with its rubber casing has a more modern look and renders the Recepter a stale looking dinosaur.

Three: The Horizon Solo has a headphone jack whereas the Recepter does not.

Four: The Horizon Solo has a bigger, more powerful, more pleasant sounding speaker.

Five: The Horizon Solo is fifty dollars less retail.

Six: The Horizon Solo has an auxiliary connection for iPod.

Final Thoughts: I have to assume that the Recepter will go extinct and will be selling at bargain prices as Boston makes room for their new radio champion. Also, the Horizon Solo is a far superior radio in terms of sound and reception to the more expensive Sangean WR-2, Eton Sound 100, and Tivoli Songbook. The Horizon Solo's clear superiority should make the competing radio companies go back and improve their models. If they don't, they are going to lose a huge market share to the highly recommended Horizon Solo.

For two more descriptions of my impressions of the Horizon Solo, CLICK HERE and HERE.

Update: The Horizon Solo is now selling on  Amazon.

Second Update: It appears the Horizon Solo suffers from a small bug: One reader and I  both have experienced that when we're playing our radios,  the time display loses its accuracy by being 5 minutes too slow and once we turn off the radio, the time restores to its accurate point. Even with this small glitch, I stick to my claim that the Horizon Solo is the best clock radio between $100-200. The only competition is the $240-300 Sangean WR-3.

For a comprehensive update of the Horizon Solo,  CLICK HERE.

Below is my Horizon Solo reconfigured in vertical position. I prefer the horizontal because it is less prone to tip over:

Inexplicably, Target in Torrance, CA, prematurely stocked the brand new $99 Boston Acoustics Horizon Solo, which I purchased and tested against my $149 Boston Acoustics Recepter. A comparison test makes it clear that the new Horizon Solo, which, like the Recepter has 20 presets on a tuning knob, is for many reasons a superior radio to the Recepter and for 50 dollars less. It appears to me that the Horizon Solo will push the Recepter out of the market and effectively replace it. Here are 5 reasons:

One: The tuner on the Recepter for AM/FM is almost perfect but unbelievably the Horizon Solo is even better on AM making even less background noise. FM is also markedly stronger on the Horizon Solo so that I don't even have to elevate the FM wire antenna 99% of the time.

Two: The Horizon Solo with its rubber casing has a more modern look and renders the Recepter a stale looking dinosaur.

Three: The Horizon Solo has a headphone jack whereas the Recepter does not.

Four: The Horizon Solo has a bigger, more powerful, more pleasant sounding speaker.

Five: The Horizon Solo is fifty dollars less retail.

Six: The Horizon Solo has an auxiliary connection for iPod.

Final Thoughts: I have to assume that the Recepter will go extinct and will be selling at bargain prices as Boston makes room for their new radio champion. Also, the Horizon Solo is a far superior radio in terms of sound and reception to the more expensive Sangean WR-2, Eton Sound 100, and Tivoli Songbook. The Horizon Solo's clear superiority should make the competing radio companies go back and improve their models. If they don't, they are going to lose a huge market share to the highly recommended Horizon Solo.

For two more descriptions of my impressions of the Horizon Solo, CLICK HERE and HERE.

Update: The Horizon Solo is now selling on  Amazon.

Second Update: It appears the Horizon Solo suffers from a small bug: One reader and I  both have experienced that when we're playing our radios,  the time display loses its accuracy by being 5 minutes too slow and once we turn off the radio, the time restores to its accurate point. Even with this small glitch, I stick to my claim that the Horizon Solo is the best clock radio between $100-200. The only competition is the $240-300 Sangean WR-3.

For a comprehensive update of the Horizon Solo,  CLICK HERE.

Below is my Horizon Solo reconfigured in vertical position. I prefer the horizontal because it is less prone to tip over:

Saving Your Manhood Tip #13: Eating and Socializing Don't Mix

Dear Mr. Man Points,

My wife’s on my case because I can’t eat and talk at the same time. She says at meal time I don’t “interact” with her. She doesn’t seem to understand—it’s not her personally. I’m that way with everyone. All I can focus on is my eating. Is there something wrong with me?

No, my friend. You are simply being the man you are. Go into any restaurant and observe the groups of women. They’re all chatting. Now observe the groups of men. They’re wolfing down their food and not even making eye contact, let alone talking. Based on these simple observations of human nature, we can conclude that man who talks while eating loses Man Points. The shrewd people at Madison Avenue are aware of this principle.  Take the Carl’s Jr. hamburger commercial where a young guy blissfully eating his burger says to the world, “Leave me alone. I’m eating.” So there you have it. Eating for men is anti-social. It’s evocative of the caveman days when we hoarded our bounty and ate our carcasses with great urgency lest some rival tribal glutton sunk his chops into our kill.
As a testament to man’s hostile eating habits, there is reportedly a steak house in Houston where each partitioned table has its own color TV. Hunched over like ravenous carnivores, the men at this all-male restaurant squint at the TVs, just inches from their faces, while cutting into their oversized rare steaks, blood and meat bits splattering against the television screens. Every now and then a busboy rushes to the TVs and wipes blood juices off the screens with a sponge. He works around the hungry men who, transfixed by ESPN SportsCenter, will not budge from their spot. I imagine that as the busboy places his hands dangerously close to the chomping mouths, he sometimes gets a finger or two bitten off. His digits, sticking out of the patrons’ mouths like chicken bones, are probably inhaled during the feeding frenzy.

Understandably, women have no interest in eating at this steak house, which they find to be a grotesque spectacle. In fact, women gave up eating with men a long, long time ago. Women get together and have socials at “tea houses” and scrap-booking parties. Men slaughter meat, gorge until they can no longer move and then when they’re convinced they’ve consumed enough calories to sustain them over a barren winter, they are willing to open up and talk, and even then the topic of their conversation is usually some memorable meal or other. So that in fact man is unwilling to let go of his hunting-for-food mentality even when he is freshly sated.

Save Your Manhood Tip #12: Eat While Standing Over the Sink

Dear Mr. Man Points,

As a child I used to watch the TV series The Courtship of Eddie's Father. In one episode the bachelor and family friend, affectionately known “Uncle Norman,” was babysitting Eddie and teaching the impressionable boy the ins and outs of bachelor life. One “rule” was to eat all meals while standing over the kitchen sink. Uncle Norman explained that it saves time, it doesn’t require eating over dishes, and it doesn’t require the after-meal wiping of counters since all the food particles that fall out of your mouth, fall into the sink. Can I trust Uncle Norman as a bona fide source on manly eating?

Absolutely.  Uncle Norman was in fact reliving the survival dramas of his nomadic ancestors who had to constantly “eat on the go” as they warily evaded predators and enemy tribesman. Fearful that they may become a choice morsel for some mammalian or reptilian carnivore, they did not have the luxury of mulling over the embarrassment of dishwasher spots and the crystal scouring agents of Calgonite. It is no surprise then that modern man is fretful and fidgety when asked to sit at the table for a long drawn-out meal. His DNA-encoded flight-fight response makes him more at ease while eating inside his car, while standing over the kitchen sink, or while watching a violent athletic spectacle on his large-screen television. 
Since we’re on the subject, I should tell you that a corollary of the stand-up-while-eating rule is the principle that says that food eaten from the ground is a good way to earn Man Points. Picking up a cheese sandwich, a pizza slice, or a chicken drumstick that’s fallen to the kitchen floor and immediately putting it inside his mouth, man earns respect from his fellow men who understand that by ingesting this bacteria-laden tidbit the man is boosting his immune system. As far as the experience of eating contaminated food from the ground goes, man enjoys the satisfaction of knowing he’s not wasting food. Additionally, once his reputation develops for having an “iron stomach” and a willingness to “clean up” after people’s kitchen messes, he will enjoy increased popularity at parties where intoxicated guests are prone to dropping their cheese and crackers, not to mention the added bonus of being lavished with he-man, Man-Point-earning nicknames like “The Incinerator,” “Dog,” and “Beast.” Being given these empowering sobriquets, man sees the wisdom of mimicking his caveman ancestors who had the insight to recognize that if they made a fuss every time a piece of mammoth blubber fell to the ground, they would have starved to death—plus his eating food off the ground is antithetical to the modern desire for frivolous home décor like kitchen tables, which require unnecessary and dangerously grueling treks to Pottery Barn.

Saving Your Manhood Tip #11: The Twenty-Minute Rule

Dear Mr. Man Points,

I started talking to this beautiful woman at the club. Everything was going just fine. For at least a half-hour, I had her eating out of my hand. She was giving me the eye, laughing at all my jokes. At one point she even said that I was “highly entertaining.” I was thinking, “This is going good, real good.” And then without any warning she mentioned she had a boyfriend, not even making a big deal out of it, just a sort of casual, “Well, last week my boyfriend and I . . .” Holy crap! Talk about devastating. What do I do in these situations?  Do I simply walk away?

Sorry, dude, but abruptly walking away from a woman who has just told you that she’s “taken” is a violation of the Male Code, which stipulates that after a girl surprises you with the fact that she has a boyfriend, you have to save face by talking to her for at least twenty minutes afterwards. This is called the Twenty Minute Rule. It’s very important, for your manliness’ sake, to stick to this important principle. Think about it. If you just walk away and show that you’re crestfallen over the lady’s “taken” status, you lose your Man Pride. Just as damning, she’ll know the only reason you sparked up a conversation with her was to hit on her. You’ve got to pretend that the “connection” you’ve created with her was deeper than that. So you’re stuck for another twenty minutes of BS-ing your way through the awkwardness—all the while wondering if she was just playing you all along, allowing you to waste your time and energy razzle-dazzling her before she decided to let you know she already had a boyfriend.

Why Are So Many Reviewers Hating on the Eton Sound 100?

I wrote a 5-star review of the Eton Sound 100, which sells on Amazon for at vastly different prices depending on what time you click on the site. Sometimes the radio goes for $39 dollars; other times it sells for the full retail of $150. Usually, you can find the silver one for $69. I've got 3 in the house and while it's not my favorite radio (that would be the Boston Acoustics Horizon Solo), it delivers what it promises: Excellent AM/FM reception, retro styling, and a remote control so you can keep it far enough away from your computer in your computer room to avoid electronic interference. But in spite of the radio's strengths, the Amazon reviews are brutal on this radio and about one in three readers of my Amazon review feel compelled to click on the button that says my positive review IS NOT HELPFUL. So why does this excellent performer get so much disdain? I can only think of a few reasons:

1. The retail price of $150 is way too high and this high price elevates expectations. I notice for example that some reviewers want the Sound 100 to have treble and bass controls.
2. The plastic materials seem a bit cheap compared to the heavier Sangean WR-2.
3. The more than adequate speaker lacks the Wow Factor.
4. The illumination display is too bright for a clock radio.

I think these are mere quibbles and don't constitute egregious flaws in the radio's performance or design to merit its constantly harsh reviews. I suspect its low reviews may be responsible for its constant sales. If you can pick one up for $39-69, you're getting a great deal, especially if you're going to use it in your computer room, as I do.

Saving Your Manhood Tip #10: Keep Your Man Gear Away from Your Crotch

Dear Mr. Man Points,

For many years now I have been in the habit of cluttering flashy technological equipment around my crotch area. Cell phones, MP3 players, personal organizers, laptops, and oversized beverages are just a few high-profile items I like to keep close by. Lately, though, my wife’s been telling me that I’m overdoing it. I also resent her suggestion that my need to “crowd” my crotch area points to an inferiority complex, clearly a sign of lost Man Points. Could you please give me some basic ground rules?

I’m afraid your wife may be on to something. Cluttering your lap region with more than three techno-gadgets does indeed enter into the realm of overkill. Cram too many contraptions around the crotch and your lap becomes a hive of high-voltage activity, none sexual, to the point that when it comes to sex you will wish you could use your wallet or cell phone since you are more accustomed to using artifice and less accustomed to using your own member. Fatigued by your multi-tasking, you will also be less potent biologically and you will demonstrate your potency by utilizing the technological gizmos that crowd your crotch area—your 60-gig iPod, your Personal Data Assistant or your handheld GPS satellite tracking system.  The latter device allows you to boast to strangers that you are, like Jack Bauer, “triangulating” signals and this makes you feel like you are tracking a spy or a terrorist when in fact—let’s be honest—the only time you use it is to monitor the whereabouts of a pizza delivery that is fifteen minutes late to your home or office. Such a trivial use of your GPS system results in a serious loss of Man Points.

I also believe your wife has even more serious worries, namely, that the items that you attach to your groin generally trap or generate heat, which is deadly to human sperm, so you essentially negate your reproductive abilities in several ways, not the least of which is the ongoing sperm bake going on in your testicles on a daily basis. The scrotum, it must be recognized, was designed to hang below savage loincloths and stay cool, but now yours is bound up in jock straps, athletic underwear, corduroy jeans, Blackberry devices, and cups of piping hot coffee. Your testicles respond to this hostile environment by shriveling into wrinkled raisins and this abysmal state of affairs compels you to find even greater ways to enhance your ever-shriveling groin with shiny, overheating technological accouterments. And thus you are now caught up in a vicious cycle with your precious jewels paying a sorry price. I say heed your wife’s advice and free up your crotch area for the more important nuptial duties your wife demands of you.

Saving Your Manhood Tip #9: Taking Steroids Compromises Your Masculinity

Dear Mr. Man Points,

Understanding your position on Viagra as an admirable product of Manly Technology, I’ll assume you approve of my steroid use in order to develop lean muscle mass as a way of attracting the ladies. Is my assumption a correct one?

My friend, there are smart applications of technology and dumb applications. Science tells us that long-term steroid use shuts down our own production of testosterone and eventually shrivels our testes into wrinkled peas and gives us girlie boobs. Does this sound smart to you? I didn’t think so. Therefore, do not twist my words in order that you might justify your imbecilic habits. As punishment for your ignorance regarding the effects of steroid use and your attempt to misinterpret my words to achieve your own misguided ends, I now order you to six months in Man Points Rehab.

Saving Your Manhood Tip #8: Show Viagra the Respect It Deserves

Dear Mr. Man Points,

My buddies and I are having an ongoing debate about using Viagra when it comes to impressing the ladies. Of course, Viagra gives you an extra jolt in the sack, but it’s artificial. I’m the type of man who would like to keep things natural, if you get my drift. If I could impress you with an analogy: Viagra is to sex what the automatic transmission is to the BMW. In both cases, the Viagra and the automatic shifter reduce that which is glorious to something entirely banal.

Spare me your lame analogies, you pretentious eunuch. And don’t ever use the word banal in my presence again. Of course, your friends are in the right to embrace the potent effects of Viagra, which represents the fruits of Manly Technology. Without man’s drive to venture into the Technological Frontier, there would be no fast cars, no Steptronic shifters, and no sexually-empowering pharmaceuticals. So spare me your sanctimonious tripe about “keeping things natural” and learn to appreciate the glories of Man’s Technological Innovations. For your crappy analogy, which I will not even waste time dissecting, and your use of the word banal, I hereby strip you of all your Man Points.

Save Your Manhood Tip #7: No Anti-Bacterial Gel

Dear Mr. Man Points,

The other day my buddies were with me in the car and after I filled up the car with gas, I took out a small container of anti-bacterial gel to wipe my hands. Man, did my buddies let me have it, really making me feel like a wussy for using that stuff. I explained to them that gas nozzles are one of the filthiest things on earth and that wiping with gel afterwards is a smart way to fight germs. That’s why I always keep it handy inside my car. Are my buddies right to chide me for using anti-bacterial gel or am I right for keeping the gel as a smart addition to my collection of Man Gear?

Of course, your friends are correct here. The Man Code forbids man to use gels, creams, and unguents of any kind, for these are not authorized Man Gear and the use of them will result in the loss of Man Points. In place of the gel, keep a six-pack of beer in the car so that after you fill up with gas, you can douse your filthy hands with the warm brew. Using beer as a multi-purpose cleaner will also earn you Man Points. Splash it on spider bites and bee stings. Use it as a mouthwash. Apply it to unsightly grease stains in your carpet. Use it as a shampoo. Pour it into your award-winning chili. Use beer as a substitute for as many things as possible and watch as you steadily ascend the Man Points Ranking System.

As a side note, I was somewhat piqued by your choice of the verb chide to describe the way your buddies harangued you. Using the verb chide suggests a certain wussification in your use of language. I urge you to never use the verb chide again. Instead, use Man Speak. For example, say that people “chap your hide” or “chafe your ass” but do not under any circumstances say they chide you. As a final note, I have gleaned a rather unmanly profile from your inquiry. Between your obsessive-compulsive application of anti-bacterial gels and your use of the word chide, I suspect you need to enter a Man Points Rehab Center. In any event, I want you to know that my minions and I are keeping a sharp eye on you.