Dear Mr. Man Points,
I need to replace my old hole-ridden hamper but when I went to the department store, they all looked so damn girlie. Can you recommend a manly looking hamper, one that won’t take away my Man Points?
Do you really need a hamper? Why keep your soiled gym clothes in a hamper when you can store them directly inside the drum of your wash machine? As soon as your drum is full of clothes—presto!—you just push the “Wash” button and you’re ready to go. No carrying dirty clothes from one room to another. No transferring ammonia- and sweat-soaked clothes from the hamper or laundry basket to the wash machine. As my father used to tell me, “Whenever you can, son, always get rid of the middle-man.” Indeed, the hamper is just one of those bureaucratic inventions that has no real purpose but exists because we assume, erroneously, that it serves a valuable purpose. It’s for those wimps who have been brainwashed into believing that the hamper is, like the electric can opener and the fondue maker, a house “necessity” when in fact it creates more problems than it solves. I say dump your hamper and get on board with the life of convenience and comfort that you deserve.
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