Dear Mr. Man Points,
I live in Los Angeles where the women are very health-conscious. The women at work for example bring their own lunches, sprout and avocado sandwiches, low-fat cheese, sugarless yogurt sweetened with fresh mango and papaya. Wanting to start a conversation with these attractive ladies, I started bringing similarly prepared lunches, but they still ignore me. Part of my problem is that I am shy. You see, I have spent my whole life working on building a great body, but I forgot to cultivate personality skills. Do you have any advice?
The first thing you must do is let the babes know that you are fueling your body with the highest grade ingredients on the market. Because you’re shy, I recommend some visual aids. You can start by purchasing really huge vitamin pills. The outer coating should be smooth and chalky, a big tabula rasa, so you can write on them with a black Sharpie. Then in as neat handwriting as possible, spell the words “BULL TESTOSTERONE,” “GONAD EXTRACT,” “ESSENCE OF GORILLA SCROTUM,” and “VIAGRA X 1,000.” Then during lunch at the office when the ladies are nearby, take out the oversized vitamin capsules and carefully place them on the edge of your desk so your female co-workers can get a good look at them. These oversized vitamins make good conversation starters because now the ladies want to know what kind of “program” you’re on. Now you’re in a good position to tell them about your high-protein diet, your gym workout, and all the supplements you’ve been taking to make you a lean mean fighting machine.
Regarding your crappy personality, I’m afraid you are using that as an excuse for your cowardice and I must deduct Man Points. On the other hand, if you use my plan and it catapults you into a spicy office relationship, I will consider giving you your Man Points back.
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