Dear Herculodge,
Recently my boss took me to the golf course to
play with an important client and when the client, a former all-state wrestler,
shook my hand, he crushed it. I did all I could do not to scream but the client
could tell I was in great pain. Rather than apologize, he called me a wussy and
decided to hire another consulting firm for his business before marching off
the golf course. My boss warned me that if I ever humiliate him again with my
“weak grip” I’m finished. What have I done?
You’ve violated
the Male Code, my son. For it is a taboo for man to offer a soggy, limp hand
during the all-important Manly Handshake, what Men In The Know simply call the
“Manshake.” If you or anyone doubts the importance of a dominant handshake, I
would like to point out that there is a thriving Man Culture devoted to
handshake strength. One of today’s great Masters of the Manly Handshake is John
Wood, former defensive lineman from the University of Michigan. Additionally,
John Wood specializes in obscure “lost” strength exercises once popular many
decades ago, such as the one-armed snatch. He also trains men to crush
high-grade steel cans with their bare hands and performs these shows of amazing
hand strength at strength training seminars throughout the country. Reading
John Wood’s website article “The Power of a Strong Handshake,” we can see that
Wood, an astute observer of male psychology, knows
that men are making all sorts of judgments about other men’s character, both
consciously and unconsciously, during that crucial First Handshake.
Whether you realize it or not, your hands reveal many
things about you. A good firm handshake is a universal sign of strength and
assuredness which is why everyone (yes, you too ladies.) should have one. A
firm (but not crushing) hand shake is a sign of mutual respect from both
parties. The Handshake immediately sets the tone for any meeting. In fact, when
John F. Kennedy was running for president of the United States, he commissioned
a study to determine the most effective handshake.
Having strong hands, however, does NOT give you the right
to crush the life out of someone else's hands when you first meet. I'm sure
we've all had that experience at some point and it sure isn't fun. It us fun,
though, when you shake hands with some "punk" who thinks he is going
to show you how strong his hands really are. It is only then that I like to
give em' "the crusher." The look on their faces is always priceless
when they realize they are actually shaking hands with a vise. This only
happens on rare, of course, occasions, but when it does happen, having a
crusher grip really comes in handy. . . . Whether you were on the other side of
a limp handshake or a bone crusher, you probably weren't feeling positive about
the other person when it happened. Again, a solid handshake can make all the
difference.
Handshake Master
John Wood teaches men how to avoid the humiliation of a weak handshake. He
promotes a very manly-named hand grip exerciser—the Captain of Crush Hand
Gripper. Keep at least three of these grippers, one for your car, one for your
home, and one for work so you can build your gripping strength and never suffer
the loss of Man Points that results from having a limp handshake. Your manliness depends upon it.
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