Dear Herculodge: I'm Afraid My Own Fear Will Kill Me!

Dear Herculodge, 

All I do is obsess over my “scheduled” colonoscopy. I’m using the word “scheduled” somewhat loosely. You see, I’m not due to get one according to my GP for another three years, at the age of fifty. Yes, I do fear the colonoscopy itself because I’ve read there is the chance that the doctor performing the procedure will by accident insert the colonoscope in the wrong direction, which will rupture or perforate or lacerate one or more of my bowels (my hands are shaking as I type this on my keyboard). 

But truth be told, what I really fear is my fear. Past medical procedures have turned into ordeals, not because of the procedures themselves, but because of my psychological over reaction to them. For example, when I donated blood seven years ago as I reclined and let a pint of blood drain from my body, I freaked out and had an anxiety attack, which prompted a seizure, a lowering of body temperature and blood pressure and almost, according to the nurse, I died of anaphylactic shock.  Since the incident, the hospital, for legal reasons, has forbidden me from donating blood. 

So what I’m trying to say, Herc, is that I fear another Giant Fear Breakout, the day before or morning of the colonoscopy, that will Literally Kill Me!  What can I do? 

Dear Reader, 

You are wise to acknowledge the power of fear as a self-destructive instrument. The efficacy of voodoo dolls is rooted in the victims’ belief in the black magic, not the black magic itself, which is pure hooey. The power of fear is even more evident when we read Mark Bowden’s masterful essay “The Dark Art of Interrogation” in which we learn that interrogators have superior results instilling the fear of pain than actually causing pain. 

What you must do is realize the colonoscopy is a common procedure with statistics on your side though like everything in life it is not without its risks. Also consider that NOT getting a colonoscopy is even more wrought with dangers and may, in the event of late-stage colon cancer, entail far worse procedures. 

I’m torn on what kind of advice to give you. Part of me says to “demystify” the procedure by learning more about it, but another part of me says your personality will obsess over the procedure even more, if you know all the intimate details, much to your detriment. 

I hope you can find inspiration from true stories of heroes, courageous souls who underwent far more grueling tortures than a colonoscopy and kept their spirits and dignity intact. 

A final thought: Don’t be ashamed of your fear. Hospitals mess up all the time, incompetence is rampant, malpractice is not as rare as we'd like to believe. You have every right to be fearful and to walk on eggshells regarding this colonoscopy. Walk into this with wide eyes and protect yourself. Asks lots of questions. Research the record of the proctologist in charge of your procedure. A little fear is good for you, for God’s sake, but learn to season your life with fear, like a pungent spice. Just don’t overdo it.

 

Comments

[Ed]

You will be heavily sedated for the procedure. You won't even have a memory of the colonoscopy. The worst part, actually, is the "prep" (the 24 hours of cleaning out the bowels) before the procedure. You know, you could also have a "virtual" colonosopy that is totally non-invasive; ask your GP about it.

[jeffrey McMahon]

Yes, I agree. During the prep is the time the patient mulls over the event.

The virtual cannot remove polyps. With the virtual, if benign polyps are found, or worse, you have to go back for a FULL Procedure. I'd rather kill two birds with one stone.

[georgioskoroneos]

hi georgis...but one have to make difficult decisions...very difficult decisions,i have terrible troubles too and i have always been worried about that,the point is that a dr.not always can handle a patient and that is quite clear,the decisive thing is the will,but if some one have the bad luck and always something wrong,then that is the most terrible thing there is it is very unpleasant feeling is really is a hell of a mess with the mistake here and there a man can loose his nerve and really go almost crazy and that is the whole point and the dr.isn't going to take any responsibility for that he will say that just happens that way.