Dear Mr. Man Points,
I’m at the club and I’m feeling good in my
hundred-dollar silk print shirt when suddenly I see this other dude wearing the
same shirt that I’m wearing. Am I going to lose Man Points?
Dear Reader,
The short answer is, yes, you’re going to lose Man Points for a host of reasons, not the least of which is that the lovely ladies in the club will assume you buy your clothes at those ubiquitous discount stores that are trying to get rid of their crappy surplus resulting in a glut of these lame shirts hanging on the backs of shoppers with common tastes. You will be tagged as the idiot who buys “bargains” without any concern for individuality. But there is a worse scenario here. Both you and your same-shirt-wearing wannabe doppelganger will be inevitably mocked as the “Bobbsey Twins,” which, let’s be honest, doesn’t exactly have a masculine air about it. In other words, wearing the same shirt as some other dude will have a castrating effect and counteractive measures will have to be taken immediately. The first I propose is to stand close to the guy who we will assume does not possess your formidable build. As you stand by his side, people will see that you, by virtue of your diligent combat conditioning, look far superior in the shirt. The way it drapes your muscles—your broad, rangy shoulders and striated pecs—will compel the other club attendees to conclude that only you should be wearing the shirt and they will scoff at the concave-chested impostor who is wearing what is yours and yours alone. If the impostor has any dignity at this point, he will go home immediately and never show his face at the club again. However, if he is stubborn and impervious to the fact that he has been eclipsed by an Alpha Male, you may have to challenge him to an arm wrestle, making it clear that the victor will stay at the club while the loser will have to find some other venue for his weekend entertainment. In either case, you will gain Man Points for taking action and not just passively allowing some pencil-neck geek to insult your very existence by wearing your shirt with impunity.
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