Yesterday I had lunch at a Chinese restaurant with my friend Kamal, a twenty-seven-year old college student (former student of mine). Half Moroccan and half British, Kamal is working on getting his black belt in Brazilian jiu-jitsu and trying to get into USC. The purpose of our lunch was for me to give him advice as he tries to decide between his long-time girlfriend Jasmine (now working in India producing extravagant weddings for billionaires) and Leticia, a Columbian beauty who, in spite of an expired visa, is still enrolled in a local college.
I explained to Kamal that no matter what choice he made he was doomed to a life of misery. Why? Because he has the kind of looks that make beautiful women hopelessly attracted to him. “And don’t expect me to feel sorry for you either. I’m elbow-deep in poo diapers right now. Raising twins with my wife is like having two people in the back kitchen of an overcrowded diner. So if you thought you were going to get my pity, you’re mistaken. In fact, you disgust me.”
Kamal knows me well enough to know I was partly joking and he laughed.
I continued. “Your problem makes me recall an incident from over twenty years ago. I was at my Navy SEAL friend’s house in Buena Park. His name is Alex. He lived with his father at the time. His father Bob is a Marine with a huge USMC tattoo on his chest. One afternoon Alex got in this hellacious fight over the phone with his girlfriend in which he swore so loud he made all the neighbors’ dogs bark. Alex and I were both miserable. He was fighting with his girlfriend all the time and my girlfriend had just dumped me to get back with her ex-boyfriend, an alcoholic prison guard. All sweaty, Bob came in from the front yard after mowing the lawn. He was in cargo shorts, combat boots, shirtless, revealing his proud tattoo. He heard us lamenting our women woes, shook his head at us and called us pussies. He then said, “You want to get rid of all your problems, fully guaranteed? I’ll open my safe, give you one of my guns, and you guys can walk out into the back yard and just shoot them things off. Problem over. Otherwise, welcome to the jungle, baby.”
Kamal looked at me from his kung-pao chicken. His forlorn grimace had been replaced with a smile.
He paid the tab. A memory from my pathetic past got me a free lunch.
"twenty-seven-year old college student" OMG how many years a USA student need to get a university degree ?..,OMG :-O
"he tries to decide between his long-time girlfriend Jasmine (now working in India..... and Leticia, a Columbian beauty who,...is enrolled in a local college."
For that case there`s a saying ... "Amor de lejos Felices los cuatro",(please somebody translate that) anyway a I would go for the Columbian girl they are kind of "special".
Posted by: Huesby | January 30, 2012 at 12:06 PM