My Daughters Want Fat Dad over Disciplined Dad

Confronting the Disintegration of a Personality

Below, the 2003 photo in which I have given up all dignity for the pleasures of reptilian self-indulgence and a more recent photo evidencing a man who let pride and discipline take hold of the reigns:

The Secret Archives of Fat Daddy Exposed

During the pandemic, my daughters, Julia and Natalie, uncovered some archived photos of me in 2003 on my wife’s computer, and they’re not flattering photos. In fact, they are shameful. 

Disintegrating Personality

In the photo, I weigh over 250, my face is huge, and honestly the images make me cringe with the thought: “There is the disintegration of a human being right there,” I say out loud. “This someone who’s lost his way. This is someone whose soul is wasting away in his personal hell of self-indulgence.” 

Not surprisingly, the one photo that creates the most shame and self-disgust is the one my daughters love most of all. 

Empty Popcorn Bucket, Melted Chocolate, Lizard Eyes

It’s me sitting on the living room couch. There is this empty popcorn bowl next me. Why is it empty? Because I just finished it. 

But the real disgust of the photo is that my chin and my hands are covered with melted chocolate because I had tossed chocolate kisses over the freshly popped popcorn and the chocolate had melted all over and it was smeared all over me. I have what appears to be a thick chocolate beard on my face and my hands are covered with chocolate gloves.

But we’re not even done with this image of self-abasement: 

Not only am I fat with a huge face and chocolate all over my face and hands; my eyes are half closed, and I have that dumb-grinned, sleepy look relief and self-indulgence you experience when you just ate a bucket of popcorn slathered with melted chocolate and something very specific happens to your eyes when you indulge like this. 

I call it Lizard Eyes. If you’re not familiar with Lizard Eyes, it's the glazed over effect with the eyes half shut. You’ve essentially lost your humanity and become a lizard. 

So I’ve got the Lizard Eyes thing going. So I’ve lost my humanity, and I’ve become a fat, overfed reptile, and I hate it.

Bad Role Model, Image to Run From for 17 Years

So two points about that fat reptile: 

One, this image is not a good role model for my daughters. 

Two, the photograph is an image of shame I’ve been running away from for over 17 years.

I’ve spent the last 17 years running away from the image of myself. I’ve tried to incorporate health-consciousness, self-awareness, mindfulness, and discipline in my eating practices, and I had hoped this would set a good example for my daughters. 

Conflict between Daughters and Me: Discipline Vs. Fat Daddy

• I wanted to be a good role model.
• I wanted to be Discipline Daddy. 
• But get this: My daughters won’t know part of Discipline Daddy.
• They want Lizard Eye Daddy, this Mythical Fat Daddy Creature.

My daughters are enchanted with this mythical Fat Father whose bloated countenance they gawk at every night on my wife’s computer. It’s all they talk about. Every night before they go to bed, they go into their mom’s computer and look up the photo archives and they look with both amazement and affection at Lizard Eye Daddy, and they beg me to become him again.

It’s a nightmare.

What is the appeal?

I’ve been wracking my brain trying to figure out why my daughters are so enamored by Lizard Eye Daddy, and so I asked them:

Natalie says, “Because it looks like you’re so much fun, having a good time. You look so happy.”

“Happy?” I've lost my humanity. I’ve become a Fat Reptile.

We can’t come to an agreement either. I try to explain to them the psychological breakdown reflected in Lizard Eye Daddy and the moral superiority of Discipline Daddy, but my daughters will have no part of it. 

They want the Lizard, and this conflict in the family has no end in sight. 

That’s where my life is at right now. I hope you guys are doing well. 

 

Comments

[carl banke]

Hello Jeff,

I see your (Stuff) on facebook, I am one of those that reads and doesn't post. Though I love your un-abashed entertainment.

You have much to be proud of with your family. The Daughters are Living Dolls.

Cal Stamenov and Brian Donaldson have both said Hello to you.

I have Great and Fond memories of you Jeff.

Sincerely,

Carl Banke

[Jim Tedford]

It's because most "disciplined" people are pains in the butt - they're judgmental, have no sense of humor, and spend all of their time obsessing about being disciplined.

Most everyone you know or come across (especially those who care about you) don't care how much you weigh or what you physically look like.

Like the poster above, I've loved your blog forever. Especially Radio Lovers Can't Be Cured, and your tales of being a collage instructor. Ease up on yourself and focus on important things.

[herculodge]

Those are fair points, well taken.

[Jim Tedford]

I just noticed I said you were a "collage instructor." Sorry. You're not an art teacher. I meant "college instructor."

I think teaching a basic skill like writing a coherent sentence is probably one of the hardest jobs there is. In our country, it's done by underpaid, under appreciated individuals like you. You're doing God's work. (Not that it helps anything.)

[herculodge]

Thanks for the kind words. Best, Jeff

[MaPa]

Loved the story...you have a unique way of stating your perspective. Due to a health situation, and subsequent workout plan/diet, I shed 70 lbs. I look back when I was at my high and I am too, disgusted I let my once healthy body decline to that miserable state. But 12 hour days running a business, on the road 2-3 night a week took its toll.

Note: it was good to see a story and review from you again. I always liked radios and watches, and your blog was very informational. A dozen radios and approx 8 watches later...well, you know!

[herculodge]

Thanks for the kind words. It's sad that Amazon Echo products replaced my radios (except for the Sangean I use in the garage for my kettlebell workouts). Great to hear you lost 70 pounds.

[MaPa]

Yes...technology has changed radio habits, but I'm still an am buff and love my radios. I have had a radio beside me since I was a little kid. I do have a Bose bluetooth device for when we entertain outside and want music.

Watches are another story of change. I started in with an iwatch for tracking fitness goals, and that has helped me stay aware and disciplined. Consequentially, my standard watches don't see enough daylight!

[Randall Nielsen]

I miss the radio blog. Radio is not dead yet! By the way, I think it's time you took the plunge and went for a Grand Seiko!

[Bill Bush]

Parenthood sympathy and congratulations simultaneously. I miss the radios and other non-watch postings, and now that I'm retired from teaching high school English, I do still enjoy hearing what the still-working are doing in class. Teaching matters. Post occasionally, if not regularly.

[M. Rosen]

Jeff, Your daughters & wife will age & will not want a morbid obese husband/father. Lose weight now & get healthy. It's difficult to lose wight as we mature. Diabetes, arthritis & related problems will slowly arise if you give in to your daughter's wishes. Your family doctor, heart doctor & pharmacy will gladly take your money.