Herculodge

No Magic Bullets When It Comes to Exercise--Just Consistency

I should be flattered. My students frequently come to me for exercise advice, as if I were some kind of fitness sage, even though my voracious appetite makes me tip the scales at 230, 20 pounds more than my ideal.

I suppose being the only English instructor in the PE building, sharing an office with the wrestling coach, and having a Randy Couture action figure on my book shelf gives me a Mr. Workout image.

The other day during finals week a student told me her boyfriend is fat and needs to get on a program. She asked me what he should do. I told her the truth: There is no magic bullet, but there is one word that sums up success when it comes to exercise and fitness and the word is consistency. No matter what her boyfriend does, he is going to need to be consistent. If he doesn't break a sweat for an hour 5 or 6 days a week, he will not be successful at attaining his fitness goals. I don't care if he runs, walks, lifts weights, does power yoga, plays tennis. He just needs to be consistent.

I suspect few people want to embrace this simple truth. I have dozens of students with gym memberships, the kind where the gym automatically deducts money from their credit card every month, but few of these students go to the gym. They like the idea of having a gym membership. It comforts them and makes them feel they are on the right path. It's like buying a complete library of the classics so people can see them on your book shelves even though you haven't read them.

The Personal Trainer Is a Crutch

If you want to stay in shape, you need to find an exercise you enjoy and break a sweat and sustain that state for 40-60 minutes, 5 or 6 days a week. Period. What's a personal trainer have to do with it? For the most part, a personal trainer is a waste of money, a crutch, and a way for people to delude themselves into being on a "training program."  I see two exceptions to my You Don't Need a Personal Trainer Rule:

Exception #1: I suppose if you're completely at a loss as to what to do with your training routine, a personal trainer can be a good thing as a temporary step, a sort of training wheels before you ride a two-wheel bicycle on your own.

Exception #2: If you're a competitive athlete or an actor and you hire a personal trainer to push yourself beyond the usual limit, but this scenario doesn't apply to most of us.

A good rule for exercise is that you should be comfortable enough while you're exercising to have a casual conversation with another person and not be fighting for breath. The second rule is that you should enjoy what you're doing, be it tennis, swimming, walking on a treadmill, cycling, whatever. This way you'll be consistent. I've never known anyone who hates exercise or hates the inconvenience of going to the gym who stays with a meaningful exercise program over the long-term.

I'm fortunate I guess that I was born with the workout gene. Since 13 years of age, I have been addicted to working out. I have to break a sweat for an hour a day or my day doesn't feel complete. It used to be Olympic Weightlifting, then bodybuilding. Now it's power yoga.

To me, hiring a personal trainer is a waste of money and an abnegation of personal responsibility.

I also see a deeper attraction to hiring a personal trainer that is rooted in childish, naive fantasy: Some blob who eats pizza and all-you-can-eat buffet every day sees a photograph of some beautiful model or ripped  dude with six-packs and this blob hires a personal trainer so he or she can look like the image in the photograph. You can't go from a shapeless mass of lard to a billboard model in six weeks. But there is this American Consumer Fantasy, rooted in our collective infantile brain, that we can throw money at any problem or goal and instantly get the miraculous results we demand.

The More Adult Approach: Break a sweat for an hour a day, eat real food (as clearly explained in Michael Pollan's In Defense of Food: An Eater's Manifesto), and don't deny yourself your "pleasure foods." Simply eat them in sparingly. If you try to completely stop eating ice cream, for example, you'll obsess over it and actually overeat it. If you exercise for an hour a day and eat real food in moderation, you may not look like a billboard model, but you'll look better than the sedate blob who indiscriminately gorges on processed foods and you'll have your pride and your health back. What more do you want?

Power Yoga with Medicine Ball and Dumbbell Workout

The Objective: To create two 1-hour sweat-inducing workouts that can be alternated every day as an alternative to going to the gym.

The Advantages: No gym fees; no gym germs; no wearing out knees on treadmills and stair-steppers.

Necessary Equipment: Yoga mat, 2 sets of dumbbells which depending on strength might be 15 lbs. for pair and 30 lbs. for the other pair; two-handled medicine ball, which depending on strength might be between 12-20 lbs.

 

Workout #1: Chest, Arms, Legs, Abs

Part I: (takes about 30 minutes)

1. Lateral Explosive Medicine Ball Push Ups
2. Side Plank 
3. Medicine Ball Leg Raises
4. Seal
5. Boat pose
6. Wide-Stance leg stretch
7. Dumbbell curls, to exhaustion; then do "reverse" curls to exhaustion
8.  Standing Bow
9. Medicine Ball Push Ups to exhaustion. Variation: At the top of the push up, jump up and press the MB over your head then squat back down and do another push-up/squat/clean/press. This heats things up.
10. Side Plank
11. Medicine Ball Six-Pack Workout
12. Seal
13. Triangle
14. Dumbbell curls, to exhaustion; then do "reverse" curls to exhaustion
15. Yoga Stretch Cycle or Just Standing Toe Hold
16. Tricep Extensions, Seated or Standing

Part II (takes about 30 minutes)

1. Warrior 1 (I do a bit of a lunging motion for 30 reps or so until the quads really burn)
2. Up Dog
3.  Down Dog
4. Side Plank
5. Hindu Push Ups or Fist Push Ups or One-Arm Push Ups
6. Bow; hold one foot at a time or use a towel if you have to
7. Warrior 2
8. Warrior 3
9. Half Moon
10. Up Dog
11. Down Dog
12. Side Plank
13. Medicine Ball Lunges
14. Pigeon Pose
15.Cobbler Pose
16. Corpse Pose

Workout #2: Shoulders, Back, Legs, Abs

Part I: (takes about 30 minutes)

1. Warrior 1
2. Side Plank
3. Medicine Ball Leg Raises
4. Seal
5. Medicine Ball Lunges
6. Warrior 2
7. Triangle
8. Forward Bend
9. Dumbbell Shoulder Press until exhaustion
10. Hands to Feet
11. Dumbbell Rows;  you can substitute dumbbell with your handled medicine ball. Do until exhaustion.
12. Hands to Feet (again)
13. Dumbbell Rows (again)
14. Dumbell Upright Rows until exhaustion
15. Standing Bow
16. Side Laterals with Medicine Ball or Dumbbell until exhaustion
17. Single Arm Press with Medicine Ball
18. Side Laterals with your lighest dumbbells to exhaustion

Part II: (takes about 30 minutes)

1. Warrior 1
2. Side Plank
3. Tripod
4. Pigeon
5. Warrior 2
6. Side Plank
7. Tripod
8. Bow
9. Warrior 2 immediately followed by Warrior 3.
10. Down Dog
11. Up Dog
12. Medicine Ball Squat and Press until exhaustion
13. Pigeon
14. Boat Pose
15. Corpse

DVDs that I found helpful: Bryan Kest Power Yoga; Power Yoga: Total Body Workout with Rodney Yee

   

 

Radio Fitness Guru Jillian Michaels Lays Down the Law

KFI 640 AM fitness guru Jillian Michaels  gave a list of dangerous food containers and food chemicals as she said her new radio job has made her “paranoid.” Included as dangerous practices are using recycled plastic water bottles with the code numbers 3 and 7; microwaving Styrofoam, plastic and Tupperware (she says use Pyrex or ceramic); putting plastic and Tupperware in the dishwasher; ionizing radiation from the sun; ingesting artificial sweeteners like aspartame, which results in memory loss and auto-immune deficiencies; consuming hydrogenated vegetable oils; flavor enhancers in bread, specifically potassium bromide, which can be carcinogenic. Also no MSG, yellow food coloring (Yellow 3 and 5), sodium nitrate, toxic metals like mercury found in tuna, and fluoridated water, no unfiltered water, no non-organic berries, no pesticides, no sleep deprivation, no radon in the house, no unnatural carpet fibers, no toxic paint in the house; no toxic dry cleaners, no chemicals to get rid of pests, no nonorganic makeup. 

I’ve always had a bad feeling about the taste of plastic when I cook with it, so I’m off it. To add to my paranoia KFI 640 Dr. Dean Edell  says, in contradiction to Jillian Michaels, that anti-oxidants can actually be harmful to one’s health.

It’s a logical fallacy to say “everything kills you so I might as well give up.” While one can be extreme and paranoid, a few basic principles, such as not heating up plastic containers and being moderate with toxic foods, seems reasonable. If we go too far

I’m a crappy sleeper, getting 5-6.5 broken hours a night, so I’m screwed there. I doubt I’ll follow every rule but I won’t cook in plastic anymore. Nor will I heat plastic containers in the dishwasher. Regarding the other products, I’ll eat the bad ones rarely or in moderation. Go too far in living in a “pure” world and we’ll end up like the secluded nut-job in the highly underrated Todd Haynes film Safe.

Herculodge Yoga Muscle Building Fusion Workout

The Objective: To maintain lean muscle mass without going to a gym or buying expensive cardio and bodybuilding equipment.

The Method: Training at home for six days a week for one hour.

Necessary Materials: A thick yoga mat (usually $40), a nonslip towel, dumbbells which, depending on strength, will be 20-40 pounds; a calf block or a stair or ledge for same purpose (my fireplace has a nice ledge for calf stretches). If you are ambitious and want a good pec stretch, use chairs (I use plastic outdoor chairs) for pushups. Option: Yoga ball for wall squats and dumbbell lateral raises.

Workout A: Monday and Wednesday

Part I: Chest and Biceps with some yoga stretches (approx. 25 minutes)

1. One-armed pushups alternated with single-led quad stretch, 2 sets.
2. Explosion pushups alternated with dumbbell curls, 2 sets.
3. Chair pushups (outdoor plastic chairs) or Wide pushups with alternating dumbell curls, 2 sets.
4. Narrow or "Diamond" pushups or dive-bomber pushups alternated with single-arm concentration curls, followed by "burn-out" curls in which you use two hands to curl ONE dumbbell, 1 or 2 sets.
5. Reverse grip dumbbell curls alternated with single-arm dumbbell French presses and standing bow or triangle pose.

Part II: Quads (approx. 20 minutes)

1. Floor-runners, 20-60
2. Lunge, 20-30
3. Shuttle, 40-50
4. Standing Bow or prone single-leg quad stretch
5. Explosion Squats ,10-20
6. Calf Raises, single followed by double, 15-50
7. Explosion Squats, 10-20
8. Lunge or Shuttle or Exercise Ball Wall Squats, 20-50
9. Calf Raises, single followed by double, 15-50
10. Shuttle, 20-40
11. One leg airplane

Part III: Yoga Warrior Poses and Cool-Down (approx. 20 minutes)

1. Warrior 1
2. Warrior 2
3. Chair Pose
4. Single-arm bridge balance with leg extended followed by leg extended pushups
5. Side one-arm table or mermaid
6. Warrior 2 variation
7. Warrior 1 variation
8. Chair Pose
9. Single-arm bridge balance with leg extended followed by leg extended pushups
10. Floor-runners
11. Pigeon
12. Cobbler
13. Various hamstring stretches
14. Corpse

Workout B: Tuesday and Friday

Part 1: Warrior Pose Warm-up (approx 10 minutes)

1. Warrior 1
2. Warrior 2
3. Airplane
4. Lunge 20
5. Single-Arm Table
6. Warrior 2 going back and forth from one leg to another
7. Seated Leg Raise Hold with blocks or Perfect Pushup discs.

Part II: Shoulders, Stretches, Calves (approx 20 minutes)

1. Side lateral raises alternated with calf stretches, 2 sets, 15-30 reps.
2. Dumbbell upright rows alternated with calf stretches, 2 sets, 15-30
3. Dumbbell presses alternated with standing bow pose, 2 sets.
4. Posterior Dumbell Raises alternated with triangle or standing leg stretch pose, 2 sets.
5. Dumbbell Rows, burnout set
6. Yoga Ball Three-Quarter Lateral Raises with 10 lb. dumbbells, dozens of reps.
7. Standing 10 lb. dumbbell butterflies like a swimming motion until burned out.

Part III: Core Pilates Abdominals (approx. 20 minutes)

1. Reach crunches
2. Bicycles
3. Half situp crunches
4. Cobbler
5. Back Table
6. Double-leg corkscrew
7. Single-leg corkscrew
8. Propellers
9. Jack-knife teaser, partial and full
10. Seal roll, open leg roll
11. Single-leg circles on the side
12. Mermaids
13. Back Bridge
14. Back Bridge with Single Leg Raise

Part IV: Yoga Warrior Poses and Cool-down (approx. 20 minutes)

1. Warrior 2
2. Floor-runners or dive-bombers
3. Warrior 1
4. Warrior overhang stretch
5. Chair Pose
6. Pigeon
7. Double-leg quad stretch (similar to camel pose)
8. Hamstring stretches, various
9. Corpse

Workout C: Wednesday and Saturday

Part I: Warrior Poses (see above, approx. 10 minutes)

Part II: Quads (see above, approx. 20 minutes) Make sure to add 2 or 3 sets of Exercise Ball Wall Squats.

Part III Warrior Poses revisted (see above, approx. 10 minutes)

Part IV: Core Abdominal Pilates, Back Bridges, and cool-down, see above, approx. 20 minutes)

DVD consulted: Bryan Kest Power Yoga

Books consulted: Men's Health Best Weight-Free Workout, Power Yoga: Connect to the Core with Astanga Yoga, The Pilates Body, Combat Conditioning by Matt Furey

Diet Notes:

No surprises here. Avoid junk food. Avoid processed food. Avoid fatty meats. Avoid fried foods. Avoid snack food, like chips. Avoid alcohol. Heap on the steamed broccoli and carrots to fill your gut. Eat about 130-150 grams of protein a day and to reach that goal rely on whey protein isolate powder, which you can put on cereal, mix with nonfat plain yogurt, or mix with nonfat milk. Eat about 6 small meals a day. Eat about 150-200 calories a day of something that sates your indulgent side, like a dollop of coffee ice cream or dark chocolate with almonds. Over all, try to keep your calories around 2,500 a day.