As a kid in the 1970s, I remember being disturbed by Ritz Crackers’ mock apple pie recipe on the back of the box. It wasn’t just the recipe; it was the very idea of serving mock apple pie to people you presumably care about, and the excited tone on the box, a giant star with an announcement that let you know buying this box of crackers entitled you to this amazing recipe, punctuated with an exclamation mark. The message clear: Why be in an apple pie rut? Why not replace those boring apples with our superior Ritz crackers? Going Ritz over apple is surely an upgrade. Yes? Our belief in this lie was the beginning of a very dangerous slippery slope.
First it was mock apple pie. Then you could watch a TV channel that every Christmas Eve showed a fireplace with Christmas stockings draped over it for twenty-four hours.
More atrocities followed: calf implants, botox, plastic surgery that made people look more like monsters than they were aware.
When social scientists study America’s demise, they will all point to its origins, the veneration of mock apple pie.
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